Bread

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Bread: (n) food made of flour, water, and yeast, mixed together and baked.

“Man shall not live by bread alone.”

No kidding.Dictionary B

The carbs will kill ya’.

Bread is part of the great American hypocrisy.

  • It is high in calories.
  • It is loaded with overwrought carbohydrates
  • And it is extremely tasty–especially when it’s soft and covered with buttery jellied substances, which are also silent killers.

So even though man cannot live by bread alone, it’s ridiculous to think that man can live without bread.

Would America survive without a sandwich?

Who would be prepared to have their Big Mac wrapped in organic lettuce leaves?

So we try to cut calories by slicing the bread thinner–and to some degree this works, because the concept of lean bread is better than the meanness of no bread.

But sooner or later we must come up with an answer that is functional to human beings, just as we are. Maybe we would like everyone to be slender and heathy, having just finished a great cardio, devouring a salad with low-fat dressing. But isn’t it time to realize that this will just never happen?

So instead, let’s kick out all those trainers and dietitians–and hire a bunch of researchers to come up with a bread … that won’t leave us dead.

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Appetite

dictionary with letter A

Ap·pe·tite (n): a natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, especially for food.

I stumbled across a conversation on the Internet between two women, arguing with one another about food.

Each of them had posted a picture of herself, so I had a quick visual of the combatants.

The extraordinarily slender woman was piously offering advice on better food choices that her “friend” might want to select to escape the rigors of obesity.

The “friend” in this case, who was a plump lady with a big smile, lamented in her diatribe about people who judge her by her appearance, offering way too much advice on how she could become more attractive and meet their standards.

It fascinated me in this day and age, when people are so convinced that we are “born a certain way,” that we excuse all of our prejudice against one another based on the necessity of consuming food.

For I will tell you this–because I am a fat man, I know more about calories, good food choices and what is healthy than twenty skinny people. I can tell you exactly how much I overeat, and how those particular carbyhydrates or sugars affect not only my plumpness, but also my mood.

There is no chubby person in America who couldn’t apply for a license to become a dietitian.

The sooner we realize that our appetites are primal, if not genetic, the better we will be able to address them, bringing them under our scrutiny if not our control.

I have the metabolism of a sloth, so I also have to fight to escape having the exercise regimen of the same creature. In other words, I would much rather hang from a tree by two claws than fall to the earth and run about hunting bananas.

Add to that the fact that I do not eat because I’m hungry. I tend to eat because the refrigerator has not yet been emptied. It seems to be my mission.

I don’t expect someone who’s thin and burns calories by looking at a book to comprehend this dilemma. But I do think one of the more cruel aspects of human prejudice is to squint at the weaknesses in others as we smirk at our own.

Appetites are what confirm that somewhere along the line we had a merger with the jungle. Addressing them, acknowledging a problem and controlling them is what confirms that we have a divine lineage.

 

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Al dente

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Al dente: (adj) cooked so as to be still firm when bitten.

Even though I am not the type of individual to pursue conspiracy theories, I have to admit that occasionally there is great evidence of a conspiracy at work.

For you see, the minute I find something I deeply enjoy in life, it is only a short passage in time before it is revealed to me that this particular delight is going to kill me.

Perhaps it’s the only way God could ever get human beings off the earth–by creating pleasures that provide temporary satisfaction with terminal results leading to eternal life. Otherwise, we would hang around, indulging forever, and never be good dinosaurs, making our way to the tar pits of … in this case, carbohydrates. Yes:.

  • Spaghetti.
  • Fettucine.
  • And noodles of all types …

Are best eaten al dente.

Otherwise, they look and even taste like they’re waterlogged little swimmers, cast onto the side of the pool, gasping for air, requiring resuscitation.

Yet, as you probably know, the more you cook spaghetti, the healthier it is–and the less you cook it, the better it tastes, but the more insidious killer carbs remain.

It’s hard to believe this is not a conspiracy.

I sometimes wonder if the Creative Genius would have made sugars, salts and flours healthy if the end result would have been happier people, more contented, willing to sit down and listen to truth until sleep overtook them from their sugar high.

But it is a fact of life–a reality of our existence. So here’s what I do.

I don’t eat spaghetti very often, but when I do, I walk on the wild side: al dente.