Tag Archives: slithering

Cobra

Cobra: (n) a highly venomous snake

Trying to maintain my status as a man of faith, I often find myself wading through some murky swamps of religious jargon.

This has tempted me, a time or two, to drain those swamps and start building my own condos. Yet I know deep in my soul that I have felt guidance, been inspired and in some strange sense, been redeemed.

Yet when I consider the cobra, I become baffled.

I don’t like snakes. I’m not ashamed of that. I don’t feel less manly by admitting it. I think they’re creepy. I think they know they’re creepy.

After all, if your only communication is hissing, your means of transportation is slithering and you choose to bite other people, you may have proven yourself to be unworthy for planet consideration.

Just my opinion.

And this becomes truly, astronomically intolerable when it comes to the cobra. No longer will the cobra stay on the ground, but decides to lift itself up into some sort of unholy erection. Then it flares its head in anger, and spits its venom at you.

Yes–there are spitting cobras.

So even if you feel you stood back far enough, you still could be splatted by the nasty varmint.

I do not know what the purpose of the cobra is. I’m sure it could be explained to me. Maybe they eat tons and tons of rats. But if it were my choice, I would rather find a different way to be rid of the rat population than by introducing a creature which insists on being addressed as “King Cobra.”

 

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Anaconda

dictionary with letter A

Anaconda: (n) a semiaquatic snake of the boa family that may grow to a great size, native to tropical South America.

You can see the problem immediately as you read the definition.

After all, the wording is that it may grow to a great size. It sets up the scenario of what we might refer to as “anaconda envy.”

Could there be anything worse than being a tiny anaconda? Especially if you found yourself in water, swimming with those who had been birthed in the blacker parts of the jungle?

I guess you could always claim that the water you were swimming in was chilly. But wouldn’t that shrink your brother’s size also? It must be difficult to be an anaconda who is just normal snake size.

Consider this: the definition did not establish a “normal”, so it is easy to assume that the humongous snakes around you are the average, and you were just born a “little worm.”

So I imagine there is some anaconda competition–snakes sitting around the jungle (well, I guess they don’t sit)–but slithering about, measuring themselves and snickering at their unfortunate friends who were not so blessed by genetics.

Yes, even though all of us, as humans, may be terrified to be in a locker room, surrounded by the misrepresentation of “all men being created equal,” it certainly must be more frustrating … to be the victim of anaconda envy.

 

 

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