Tag Archives: tarantulas

Bulge

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Bulge: (n) a rounded swelling or protuberance that distorts a flat surface.

She smiled at the camera and said, “It is very important that you are proud of your body.”

I waited. I paused to see if she would laugh–because I immediately giggled.

I’ve been working for years on trying not to be ashamed of my body, and to avoid the temptation to do so, I do not like to look at myself Dictionary Bin the mirror.

Now, this may cause some thin people who make their living in physical fitness to weep, but I happen to believe that no good has ever come out of anyone standing in front of a mirror with their naked body, admiring.

There’s something beautiful about being aware of your status, lackings and bulges. Matter of fact, I have only one major goal and it’s really quite simple:

I try to diet and maintain my weight so that my bulge does not open a secondary office on top of its friend–because “bulging on bulge” is a real danger. Anyone who’s ever had a bulge will understand what I’m talking about and anyone who’s never had a bulge should probably eat tarantula turds and die.

Well, maybe not die … just spend more time smiling at themselves in the mirror.

And please leave me the hell alone.

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

 

Arachnophobia

dictionary with letter A

Arachnophobia: (n) an irrational fear of spiders.

A fear of spiders.

Isn’t that like saying, “people who poop?”

I mean, it’s everybody, right?

You might have two creepy people you’ve met in your life who think spiders are cool, but you would never let them babysit your children, nor would you co-sign a loan so they could buy a really neat video game setup.

I guess the key word here is “irrational.” An irrational fear. When it comes to spiders, what would that be?

Honestly, I do not see parents turning to their children and saying, “Come on, Billy, it’s just a spider. Here’s a little comb. Preen his hairy legs.”

People have all sorts of pets, but no one has a pet spider. Matter of fact, I think having a pet spider might be one of the four profiles of a serial killer.

So what is an irrational fear of spiders?

I suppose if you mistook a box of raisins for spiders that might qualify.

Or if you believed the dried boogers in your nose were spiders and constantly tried to dig them out with Q-tips, I get that.

But other than that, a distaste for spiders is not really a fear, but rather, an intelligent pursuit.

I remember when I was told that you could tell a black widow spider by the hour-glass on its…well, I don’t remember. Was it its backside? Or its underside? Either way, if I have to get that close to be sure, just to have fellowship with a black spider without being prejudiced against it for being a black widow, I will pass.

Then there’s the brown recluse spider, which is brown, and I assume, reclusive. So I imagine if you happen upon one of them, they’d be really pissed off because you found their hiding place and they would spread some poison your way.

I don’t even want to get into tarantulas.

And Grandaddy Longlegs look like they should be in Star Wars.

I don’t like spiders.

If I reach the pearly gates and God finds my bigotry against them to be distasteful and feels I need to spend some time in purgatory for my intolerance, so be it.

Just as long as there are no spiders.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix