Tag Archives: vomiting

Abysmal

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abysmal: (adj.) extremely bad; appalling

I was always glad it was pink. I think there’s something nice about it being pink. Blue would be weird. Certainly not green. I guess yellow would have been a possibility.

I’m talking about Pepto-abysmal.

I took it as a kid. Somewhere along the line in my childhood–about eight years of age–my parents made the transition from the old-time use of castor oil to Pepto-abysmal. Now caster oil tasted like what I imagine licking tar off of hot pavement on a summer day would be like.

Horrible.

And for some reason, they wanted you to drink it straight down, which always led to gagging and sometimes throwing up, which would convince your parents that the stuff worked, because you would feel better after vomiting, and caster oil would get the props for the cure.

I was so glad when Pepto-abysmal made its introduction.

Am I weird? I kind of liked the stuff. Matter of fact, every once in a while I would go to the medicine cabinet and take a swig. (You had to be careful, because it would leave a tell-tale pink chalk residue on your lips–a little difficult to explain to your over-scrutinizing mother why you’re “hitting the pink stuff.”)

I think my mother once gave me Pepto-abysmal because I had a headache. For a season it was the magic cure–so common in the average household that they developed this big quart-sized version. It was huge.

But if there was something aggravating, dastardly or nasty stirring in your gut, Pepto was well-prepared to go down there and do battle. My mother was convinced that she saved the life of my young nephew, who had an appendicitis attack, by giving him Pepto-abysmal. She insisted  that when they removed the appendix, they found it encased in a pink fluid. Being a kid, I never realized this was impossible. And it further increased the mystique of the magical fluid.

Now I’m not stupid–I know that it’s really Pepto-Bismol, but I thought it was cute to call it Pepto–abysmal, considering that it takes care of things–gut-wrenching things–that are abysmal.

If you didn’t find it cute, I am sorry. Maybe you need to be “Pepto’d up.”

ABV

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

ABV: (abbr.) alcohol by volume

Let’s even things out. I get it.

Politicians are generally considered to be greedy, nasty folks, out to get a vote, who will do anything to be elected.

People involved in religion are portrayed in our society usually as a bit ignorant, with an ax to grind and with the horrible side of being judgmental.

Corporate fat cats are only concerned about the bottom line and will personally kick your butt to get it.

Let’s just say that I don’t argue with any of that. But by the same token, WHY are alcohol and weed portrayed as “fun, glamorous, intriguing and giggly?”

I’ll tell you the truth: I saw a woman walking down the hallway of my motel the other night who was drunk. She was obnoxious, loud, out of her mind, a little scary and right near the front door, she threw up–which by the way, even though they cannot portray this in movies, STINKS.

I also stopped and asked two young men parked in front of a convenience store for directions . They rolled down their window and the waft of marijuana smoke floated out to my nostrils. Not only could they NOT give me adequate guidance to get to my destination, but I don’t think either of them ever knew I was there.

They weren’t HIGH. They were LOW.

The lady in the hallway wasn’t partying–she was vomiting.

Let’s try to create a society where we start with candor, move to balance and end up being able to make intelligent choices for ourselves. Let’s not attack government and spirituality and leave ABV and drug stupors in some sort of imaginary world of untouched revelry.

  • Alcohol makes people nuts.
  • Marijuana makes people dull.
  • Politics makes people compromise.
  • Religion makes people overly dependent.
  • And corporations make people too worried about profit margins.

I get it. I would just like to see this represented fairly. Alcohol is not better than the Baptist church simply because the people in the movies want to sell beer so they can get funding for their next project.

The alcohol blood volume in this nation is ridiculous. The political gridlock is equally stupid. The religious insignificance offered is insipid. And corporate greed is not making better products.

Call ’em like you see ’em–and make sure you test for the right volume in each situation.