Monthly Archives: July 2013

Action Figure

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Action figure: (n.) a doll representing a person or fictional character known for vigorous action, such as a soldier or superhero. The figure is typically posable, with jointed limbs.

I think one of the most creative cartoons ever devised was Transformers.

These were robots that could morph into other objects, weapons, or even flying machines to fight their enemies. Not only was it represented well in animation, but they actually came up with action figure toys which were equally as entertaining for the young set–or even those a little older and graying, like me.

One Christmas, one of my sons asked for Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime was the ultimate Transformer–the good guy of all good guys. His enemy was Megatron.

Of course, that particular Christmas I could not locate Optimus Prime anywhere–but was able to easily find Megatron, who ironically, was quite marked down.

Megatron was cool, but was also the bad bot. I did not want to pass on the impression to my eight-year-old that I was purchasing the “Dark Lord of the Transformers,” perhaps inkling to him that evil had the power to triumph over good.

So I decided to order Optimus Prime and put a certificate under the tree, explaining that the present would arrive at a later date and hoping that would be sufficient to create some sort of enthusiasm.

Little did I know that a family friend, who thought he was being a magnificent unseen uncle, purchased Megatron on sale and gave it to my son. So what I feared came to be: my son had all of his little Transformers who were nice fellows, but no match for the massive and sinister Megatron.

I tried to get him enthusiastic about the upcoming arrival of Optimus Prime, but he was just TOO thrilled with his new bad boy of rock and roll.

I was worried.

I know it sounds silly–but as I listened to him playing through the door on Christmas Day, I sensed there was a battle going on in his soul–good versus evil.

Finally I decided to go in a talk to him about his present collection of action figures. I found him deeply engrossed in a skirmish. So I sat down for five minutes and explained to him that even though Megatron was big and strong, that he was not to be honored just because it SEEMED like he had more power than all the good transformers.

My son listened carefully, even though he occasionally was distracted and gazed over at his new, shiny toy. After my lecture, I asked him if he understood and “would he please explain it back to me.”

He patted me on the leg and said, “Daddy, don’t worry. You see, here’s what I’ve figured out. Megatron is strong, but when all the good transformers work together as a team, they can beat him–because then they’re stronger.”

At this point, he turned and ran away for his next in-house Armageddon. I sat for a moment and just shook my head. How did this little boy come up with such a profound statement? And why is it that we grown, intelligent, well-educated people can’t figure that one out for ourselves?

Yes, if all the good guys would just get together, evil wouldn’t have a chance … in hell.

Action

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Action: (n.) 1. the process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim. 2. a thing done; an act.

Hundreds.

Maybe thousands, over the years.

Yes, I’m talking about the number of people who have told me they wanted to do something special or significant with their lives, but found themselves stalled by some piece of obstruction.

I used to be enthralled with these tales, feeling that if I could be a stimulus to their progress, then I would be an exhorter of talent, and indirectly, a collaborator in their success.

I always listened patiently. Then, at length, when they took a breath, I would insert a question:

“What action are you prepared to take to change your circumstances and commence to fulfill your dreams?”

I didn’t mean it to be challenging. I wasn’t questioning their authenticity. I was trying to initiate a plan of action which would transform their discouragement into an adventure.

Universally at that point, they frowned and told me that there was no way they had the time, energy or money to do anything other than lament their lack. Foolishly, in the early days, I made suggestions on how they might garner more resources.

I was always astounded at how this caused them to become defensive or even angry, and usually terminated the conversation in a disjointed way.

I realized that the problem with action is that it always invokes a reaction.

Simply because I say I want to do something and set in motion a work schedule to achieve it, does not mean there won’t be a hundred things that will challenge my plan and creativity and question my motives.

Some people call this “evil.” Others refer to it as “bad luck.”

I now understand that it’s just Mother Nature, making sure that only the serious applicants actually make it to the interview.

So now when people tell me they would like to pursue their dreams, I listen for three elements:

  1. Are they doing anything that resembles what they are describing?
  2. Did they bring a piece of paper, to take notes? All of us are fully aware that we won’t remember good advice without writing it down.
  3. Are they asking questions and trying to find new insights, or just relating the finality of their own story?

Now, I don’t ignore people who don’t have these three qualities, but I certainly am aware that I’m talking to someone who wants to commiserate instead of commissioning a new cause.

Yes, the only problem with action is that it demands that we stop talking about what has happened …, and we start making something new happen.

 

Act

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Act: (v.) 1. take action; do something 2. perform a fictional role in a play, movie or television production.

I was very proud of myself.

I had taken a position as a professor at a very, very small college–a position I was neither qualified nor prepared for in any way. Yet I was determined to do a good job.

I was asked to teach a class on drama. I thought the best way to instruct in drama was to write a three-act play and involve my students in the process of discovering the craft through the execution of an actual production.

To make sure that it would have some community appeal so we could sell tickets, I brought in a ringer. She was a lovely actress I had met a couple of years earlier , who had toured in one of my shows. She was delightful. She agreed to come in and work with the novices, and joined me as we went into rehearsals.

It was touch and go. I suppose, using a barnyard analogy, that it would be similar to trying to convince  a pig to lay a daily egg.

Yet after about a month’s worth of struggling interchanges, we were ready for opening night. The cast was nervous and so was my dear professional. She was wondering where they were going to fall apart–where she would need to step in to cover lines and bobbles. To make it even more interesting, the critic from the local daily paper had appeared to review the show.

Everything went splendidly throughout Act I, when all of a sudden, my intelligent and well-versed actress freaked out, skipped the entire second act, moving directly into the third act of the production, leaving her fellow-performers a bit baffled and the audience absent a good bit of plot development.

It was even more comical the next day when the review came out and the title read, College Play Gains Credibility in Third Act.

Certainly made possible by the fact that we were absent a second act.

I learned a lot that night–that life is never about what we THINK is going to go wrong, but rather, what chooses to go wrong without us ever thinking about it.

And like Shakespeare told us, all the world is a stage and we are actors in the forum.

So don’t be in a hurry.

  • Enjoy Act I.
  • Understand you will need Act II for development,
  • And don’t rush into Act III because you are anxious for the happy ending.

Acrylics

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acrylic: (adj.) referring to synthetic resins and textile fibers, made from polymers of acrylic acid or acrylates: e.g. a red acrylic sweater.

That’s not how I remember acrylics!

I don’t know when they happened on the scene, but they leave a nasty memory in my mind.

Up until time that acrylics came into full swing, I had two young women traveling with me who were helpful, energetic and quite functional in aiding me in setting up the sound equipment for our music group. I never heard a complaint. They never lamented that they were too weak, too feminine or too girly-girl. Even when a guy came up and tried to take something from their hands in an attempt to be gentlemanly, they would turn the guy down and continue to be efficient roadies.

That is–until acrylic nails came along. Those little boogers were sent to turn women into nervous ninnies.

First of all, they were not perfected. So when applied, being unnatural to the normal nail on a woman’s hand, they were very willing to separate and break off if you even PEERED at them. So since these dear ladies in my group had spent the money on this new nail treatment, and considering that it was a bit embarrassing to have nine intact but one busted and split like the side of a fiber-glass boat, the women became constantly worried–and refused to carry equipment.

So here I am, moving from a work force of three to just me, to tote that barge and lift that bale, because the girls must avoid laborious duty in order to protect their acrylics.

But the final insult was when they were in the process of dressing for the gig, and one would break anyway. So not only had I sweat in vain, but I had a comrade on stage who was frightened to extend her hand for fear that the audience would notice that she had been ingloriously de-clawed.

Now, I am sure these things have improved over the years, but the word “acrylic” still makes my skin crawl and reminds me of the night that I was wiggling around in the van, in the dark, feeling my way–to find a little piece of the crap that one of my friends insisted had just fallen off of her finger, and was therefore still retrievable.

Across

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practixdirtied by bigotry.

dictionary with letter A

Across: (adj.) 1.the motion of moving back and forth; e.g. I moved across the table  2. an expression of location; e.g. the store is across town.

I was trying to count it in my mind.

I think it’s about twenty-five. Yes, I have gone across this nation of the United States about twenty-five times in my life. Somebody asked me if I did all of this “jaunting” because I enjoy traveling.

Absolutely not.

I hate long drives. My butt gets tired sittin’ in my van–and how to stay regular on an irregular schedule has yet to be discovered by any mortal.

I was just never satisfied to believe what I hear.

Case in point: growing up in Ohio, I was taught that people in the south hated blacks. I was informed that folks who lived in California were all hippies. And New York City moved along so fast that if you stopped to catch your breath, you would probably get hit by a bus.

It’s just easy to sit at home and listen to all the tales about humanity and start thinking they’re part of your own experience instead of just rumors floating your way. That’s why we get the notion that “Asian people are good at math” and “Europeans make the best wine.”

Prejudice is not the by-product of an experience. It is the absence of one.

I wasn’t satisfied to listen to the tales of travelers who brought back THEIR rendition of the human race. I guess this is why I like the statement in the Bible where it says that “Jesus passed by.”

After all, you can’t sit your butt down in a carpenter’s shop in Nazareth and spout what you think about the world without going across the land to meet real people in their real situations. If Jesus hadn’t been itinerant, he would have been just another Jewish prophet instead of a friend to the world.

So when I went across this land to the south, I found out that people there didn’t hate blacks any more than folks in Cleveland.

  • Citizens of New York actually DO slow down–because honestly, there’s a lot of traffic jams.
  • And Bakersfield, California, has fewer hippies in it than any place in the world.

But you have to go there to find out. You won’t learn it on CNN or Fox News.

So perhaps my most joyous achievement is that I’ve gone across America, met her people and can truthfully tell you that I love them.

I can recommend getting your information from the horse’s mouth, instead of having it handed down to you from paws that just might be dirtied … by bigotry.

Acropolis

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acropolis: (n.) a citadel or fortified part of an ancient Greek city, typically built on a hill; in Athens, the Acropolis contained the Parthenon and other notable buildings, mostly dating from the 5th century BC.

I would not have enjoyed being a Greek.

First of all–it’s the tunic.

On occasions when I journey for a long period of time, or when I’ve eaten a large pastrami sandwich, my ankles can swell. So there I’d be–wearing this little dress, with hairless, fat calves–and cankles. No way to disguise it with socks and shoes. See what I mean?

And then there’s the design of the tunic itself. Didn’t they kind of blouse at the top? Which would transform me from appearing burly to seeming buxom.

I don’t think I would have liked Socrates, Aristotle and Plato, either. I do like to get into philosophical discussions, but I tend to mingle them with intervals of silliness, including child-like voices, gurgling sounds and Loony Tune impersonations. They probably would have found this annoying.

And I don’t think I would have fit in to the high sense of society that existed on the Acropolis with the Athenians. Because high-brow conversations give me the feeling that I’m trying to be something that I’m not, and the end of that journey is always deception, inevitably exposed.

I’m not so sure I would have agreed with the concept of a “pure democracy” either. Even though in America we tout the beauty of “one man, one vote” and the majority rule, I have too often seen the majority being not only wrong, but also devious and destitute of spiritual insight.

Sometimes truth trickles down to the minority, who sanctifies it through their pain until such a time that the voice of reason can be heard.

No, I don’t think I would have fit into the Acropolis. Could I even have climbed it? It certainly would have taken me most of the morning.

And when I got there, instead of being a writer, a family man and a fun-loving guy, I would probably have been deemed … a Greek geek.

Acrophobia

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAcrophobia: (n.) extreme or irrational fear of heights

It has to be that scene in the movie, Cliffhanger.

THAT particular vision–a woman suspended in mid-air, thousands of feet above the earth, only prevented from falling by a hand extended to her, as the glove on her fingers gradually begins to slip away and you realize she is about to tumble to her death.

If you are able to watch that scene without turning away, you might be free of acrophobia. Matter of fact, it would be an excellent way to diagnose the condition.

That was when I realized that I must be a bit acrophobic. For me, that little piece of the movie was unwatchable. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of falling or even hitting the rocks below. Certainly my body would grant me the mercy of a heart attack before I reached the “stoneful” end. It’s just the idea of having to prepare for my upcoming plummet by pausing for a moment to think about it, terrorizing myself.

I don’t like to stand too near the edge of a cliff. Now, I don’t remember feeling this way as a youngster, even though growing up in Ohio, there were not many a precipice. But somewhere along the line I became leery, and even queasy, about gazing off the edge of some high-mounted place, to the tiny confines below.

I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of whatsoever. I just don’t like to be around people who want to flaunt their “bravery on the edge.” You know what I mean–those folks who stand on one foot on the ledge of a building. Or the guy who walks across the rope over the Grand Canyon, while praying. I’m sure I would be praying, too, but I think I would like to put my supplications to less of a test.

Acrophobia is real. But I do recall, if I am not incorrect, that there are two fears we are born with: the fear of abandonment and a fear of falling.

So maybe those people who DON’T have acrophobia are aliens … and should be taken to Area 51 for further study.

Acronym

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAcronym: (n.) a word formed from the first letters of other words. e.g.: radar, laser

I think you have to go back to the old rotary phone. It used to be really fun to come up with acronyms  by using your telephone number, looking at the letters that were available under each numeral and coming up with a spelling for your company or organization.

Acronyms used to be so popular. It was a way of remembering answers for tests. You would select an acronym, and each letter would represent an answer for your test, and the word would stimulate your memory for the answer. (As you can see, it’s actually easier to apply than to explain…)

For a while, preachers used acronyms a lot to illustrate their sermons in an attempt to get people to remember the points past the parking lot, to where they picked up the box of chicken, to go home and watch football.

Then somewhere along the line they became hokey. They became laughable.

I think it’s based around what I refer to as my “layer theory:”

  • Things remain cool as long as cool people are doing them. it doesn’t really matter WHAT they do–just that people we have decided are really superb and special do them.
  • Then the friends of those cool people start doing the trend, creating a second layer. It still remains cool at that point, but a whole lot more common.
  • At that point, the relatives of the friends of the cool people start putting into practice this popular gizmo. Then it becomes so average and everyday that we all kind of smile when somebody does it, but we’re really hoping that soon it will stop.
  • Finally, the enemies of the relatives of the friends of the cool people start picking up on the practice. At this point, all the comedians in the country, all the sane individuals, and everybody who is sick to death of the new idea that has now become like used Kleenex, begin to mock and make fun of what was once considered to be the hippest thing in the world.

It is an American evolution–and acronyms are very near the point of being bombarded.

So if you have an acronym you still want to put forth, do it very quickly–and be prepared to remove it with just as much haste. Because I think we’re really on the verge of acronyms becoming the butt of every joke:

B.U.T.T.– Better Understand Tomorrow’s Trend.

Acrobat

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAcrobat: (n.) an entertainer who performs gymnastic feats.

I had a flash-back.

When I was in high school, so many bronze ages ago, it was mandatory to take two years of physical education. I put them off until my junior and senior years. (I don’t know if I was hoping for a lazy state legislature to repeal the law, or perhaps that the gymnasium would collapse from the onslaught of a Midwest tornado, but I delayed.)

I was a big, fat boy. I liked to play sports until it became obvious that it was exercise. Does that make sense? In other words, if you wanted to go out and throw the football around or shoot some hoops, I was there. But if you were gonna line up and purposefully use your muscles in a way that produced exertion and perspiration with no immediate pay-off of sinking a basket or tackling a friend, well … I was rather non-enthusiatic.

ESPECIALLY during the six-week period of physical education when we did gymnastics.

I was no acrobat. I was the kind of person that if I slipped and fell down a hill, it actually appeared that there was a person falling uncontrollably down the hill, as opposed to gracefully tumbling and landing on my feet. Any motion that I took towards the ground ended up in a splat instead of a forward roll.

I hated it.

I tried to get out of it by insisting that my parents were too poor to afford my gym clothes. I even tricked my mom into giving me a note to give to the instructor, telling him that I was physically unable to perform the feats.

It was unsuccessful. Amazingly, these small-town educators saw through my ploys.

The most embarrassing part of it was the fact that there was no privacy. When it was time to tumble, we formed a line which ran in a perpetual circle, so that each person could come and tumble on the mat, regain his feet, and get back into line to do it again, until everybody had done at least FOUR of them.

Some guys were just great. They looked like human Slinkeys. I, on the other hand, looked like play-dough hitting the sidewalk on a very hot day. Rather than rolling, I kind of just spread out all over the mat.

So when I regained my feet, hearing the titters of my friends, I hung back in the line, hoping the teacher did not notice how many forward rolls I had accomplished before the whistle would blow for the next horror. Unfortunately, he preferred to wait until the end, leading me to believe I had pulled off my scam, making me perform my last two somersaults back-to-back, with the whole class reviewing, as if they were East German judges at the Olympics.

Honestly, as I retell this, I am not quite sure how I survived it without resorting to some sort of self-mutilation or abuse of my fellow-students.

But when I see the word acrobat, I have a mingling of great admiration and a chill that goes down my spine, remembering that torturous hour spent, for a six-week period, when my school insisted that I try to take my enormous body and  imitate a thirteen-year-old female gymnast.

Even though I could never approve and am certainly horrified when I hear about school shootings–when someone walks into his classroom and guns everybody down–honestly, I might be a little sympathetic if I found out it was a big fat kid and it was a Phys Ed class during the six weeks … of gymnastics.

Acrimonious

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter AAcrimonious: (adj.) typically in reference to speech or debate, angry and bitter: e.g. an acrimonious debate about wages.

About a mile-and-a-half outside our little town of fifteen hundred souls, there was a location set aside, commonly referred to as “the city dump.”

I’m not so sure those places exist anymore–whether small towns have them. I think we now use landfills, which are similar but much larger.

But about once every three or four months, our family would load up a small trailer and head out to the city dump to get rid of everything that had somehow become displeasing to us.

My mother was always concerned about taking us children out there because we might step on a nail, get lockjaw and die. But I always pleaded to go on the journey because it was a fascinating destination. There was always just a little bit of fire burning close by, with some of the dumped materials ablaze.

And it was remarkable how we could back up our trailer, disconnect it, tip it up, and dump our useless bullcrap into the pile, then re-hook the trailer and drive away with no fear or burden. The trip to the dump was always bumpy, and the car would pull, tugging the rejected items behind us. But the trip back was so much lighter.

That’s the way I feel about “acrimonious.”

Do we ever know if our discussions with one another are truly pure and on point? We may just have failed to go to the garbage heap before we began to discuss.

After all, there’s so much crap that builds up inside us in the process of one day:

  • So many disappointments covered up with a smile.
  • So many dreams we had that we now sidestep because they failed to bear evidence.
  • So much frustration about being told to wait, when patience seems so useless.

And therefore, the least little thing can set us off, and rather than dumping our trash where it belongs, we do it right in the middle of the town square–to the alarm and disdain of the citizens.

I’m not so sure that any Republican or Democrat really knows what they think on ANY issue. They are too busy being acrimonious over old battles.

So even though I was sometimes sad when we threw things away at the city dump because I had developed a fondness for them in their decaying state, I can’t tell you that I missed them or felt any absence whatsoever.

Sometimes we just need to dump before we come back and interact.

If we don’t, we end up scraping our garbage onto somebody else’s plate.