Tag Archives: Mother Nature

Daytona Beach

Daytona Beach: (n) city in NE Florida, a seashore resort

Oblivion can be very powerful if you know how to use it.

Acting stupid is not the same.

But legitimately being unaware or vacant of knowledge can occasionally win you favor in the Universe—and sympathy from those who are baffled by your misunderstanding.

There was a time I was young enough that I should not have been on my own, but old enough that I was allowed to be.

It is the true danger zone of the human journey.

Everything is legal but nothing is necessarily prudent.

I was traveling around at the time with two young ladies, who persisted in believing that we could make great music together—and someday others would confirm it.

We had absolutely no idea what was going on in the world around us. We had some sort of strange amnesia that caused us to think that the Earth was a desert island—and even though there were a multitude of creatures creeping along, we were quite unaware of their presence.

This is the condition we were in the first time we rolled into Daytona Beach, Florida. Unknown to us, we had arrived in town nine days before the Daytona 500 race.

I had a vague recollection that this was some sort of very large event.

With cars.

The young ladies, when told about the Daytona 500, questioned:

“500 what?”

We landed during a time that was far enough away from the race itself that there were still lots of motel rooms. But the people renting them were nervous that if we occupied a room, would we get out soon enough that they could triple the price for the racing crowd?

We didn’t care.

We promised we would only stay for two days, and we set out to learn everything we could about Daytona Beach.

The first day, the town was pretty vacant, and the beach was free of obstruction.

We discovered something that was so neat it still makes me grin: you could drive your car on the beach.

So we did—up and down—careful to avoid pedestrians and dogs chasing frisbees.

It was so much fun.

We pulled over, opened up our windows and doors and looked at the ocean until it felt like the huge splash was gazing back at us.

It was so much fun that we actually stayed one day too long. So by the time we left the region, people were everywhere. It looked like they were standing up, stacked together like cordwood.

But we had already enjoyed the town.

We had investigated the beach.

We had perused the ocean.

So we were ready to move on.

Unfortunately, because of the Daytona 500, we had to drive all the way to Fort Myers, Florida, before we were able to get a motel room that didn’t cost everything we had in our pockets and more.

But it was fun. You see, we were young. If we had arrived two days later, we’d have been jammed and unable to get in.

Sometimes God asks Mother Nature not to punish us for being ridiculous.

There’s an old passage that says, “God winks.”

Yes. Because He’s a Father, He sometimes has to understand that we’re just brats. Many of our antics are based on foolishness instead of evil.

Cross-Legged

Cross-legged: (adj) having the legs crossed

The greatest gift that Mother Nature and Father God can impart to you is a weakness.

Without a weakness, you begin to believe you’re self-sufficient and don’t need help from any outside source. On top of that, you might just create deceitful interpretations of the truth when its proven that you are not “all that and a bag of chips.”

A weakness gives you the ability to know where to start working every single morning.

A weakness warns you that too much confidence is blustering wind with no lightning or rain.

A weakness makes you more compassionate to other people who happen to share a “soft spot” in their abilities—just like you.

A weakness is what makes you strong.

I do not know whether I was born fat, possess a fat gene—or if I’m just caught in the middle of some metabolic paradox.

But my obesity has created a weakness in my life.

Some people may consider it a weakness of my own making, or perhaps one created by my parents “making out.”

It doesn’t make any difference. I’ve had to base my journey on working around my girth—beginning at my birth.

Therefore, I can tell when one ounce leaves and seven pounds arrive to comfort my body over the loss.

I know when I’m on a good spin and when my health is being spun.

I don’t need a mirror to observe the “battle of the bulge.”

For you see, one of the ways I have always been able to tell whether I am beginning to move toward a more normal weight or traveling into the morbid regions of obesity is:

The simple action of crossing my legs.

Now, at this point every fat person in America reading this will howl with laughter, and every skinny-ass individual will turn and look quizzically at another scrawny person as if to say, “What does he mean?”

For when you’re fat, your thighs have grown a fondness for each other and are accustomed to being close. If you think about it, crossing your legs demands that these thighs develop autonomy. Also, your joints—which are essential for convincing one leg to go above the other—are sometimes jammed up with fat globules, which makes the process of crossing one’s legs quite athletic, if not painful.

Therefore, during times of weight loss, I have celebrated my victory with a leg-crossing—occasionally only able to maneuver the “wish bone variety,” where the right foot rests upon the left knee. But a few times, I was actually able to have the legs completely crossed—where the right knee appeared to be humping the left one.

When this has happened I have actually teared up—mostly because it was such a blessing to do such a simple thing.

But partially because being foreign to me, it was as uncomfortable as hell.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

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Course

Course: (n) the path over which something moves

I have an internal comedy show going on inside my soul concerning the length of time that each and every fad will last—or shall I say, how quickly that particular “popularism” will disappear.

It wasn’t so long ago that people were bopping around, sticking their noses in your face and posing this question: What is your five-year funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
goal plan?

The first time I heard this, I realized it was irrelevant, and certainly destined to end up in the cultural cemetery, buried near “far out” and “hula hoop.”

But I have to admit, I was surprised at how long it did persist—and you will occasionally hear people do a variation on the theme: Where do you see yourself in five years?

But I will tell you—I think the reason these ridiculous inquiries gain popularity is that we human beings are weakened by our pernicious insistence that we must follow a course of action.

It seems righteous. It sniffs of organization.

It’s the kind of thing that investors like to hear from an entrepreneur.

  • “What are you going to do first?”
  • “What’s next?”
  • “What would be your third effort?”

I suppose if science, Mother Nature, luck and chaos could be included in our planning meeting for our course of action, and each of them voted to participate and promote the campaign, it might have some possibility.

But since science is only concerned about scientific conclusions and not your whim; Mother Nature has nurtured billions of souls before you showed up with your graphs and plans; luck—well, she remains as ambiguous as the veracity of her identity; and chaos is like a toddler locked up in a room filled with expensive glass vases, you may develop a course but there’s no guarantee that anybody will want to take it.

Time and chance happen to everyone, and sometimes you can be at the right place at the right time, but it still won’t turn out…right.

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Cosily

Cosily: (adv) in a cozy manner

It seems to me to be one of those words that if you present it positively, the negative folks come along and criticize you. And if you are of a mind to be more philosophical and portray it as being unaware, the positive people object, greatly offended that you’re attacking one of their funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
pet emotions.

I guess the question is, are we supposed to live our lives cosily?

In other words, is it alright for me to go out into the woods camping, enjoying Mother Nature, without hearing a lecture on how the Earth is dying?

Or is there a certain amount of caution and doomsday necessary to assure that we are not dumbstruck by easy-going living?

Then of course, you always have that parcel of people who think you can strike a balance—where you are cosily involved in the everyday parts of your life but on guard like a Doberman Pinscher the rest of the time.

This last one I would have to disagree with.

Once you allow any sense of dread, fear or inhibition into your mind, nothing will ever again be done cosily.

And unfortunately, if you decide to live cosily, you will eventually probably be whacked in the head by some nasty event that you did not foresee with your dreamy eyes.

So it may be a case of whether you would rather be prepared but nervous, or susceptible and relaxed.

But any way you look at it—to decide which profile you prefer requires that you take some time and cosily consider.


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Corsage

Corsage: (n) a small bouquet worn at the waist, on the shoulder, or the wrist of a woman

I, for one, am thoroughly convinced that the only purpose we have as individual human beings is to discover ways to avoid the humiliation that often befalls us as a collective.

I don’t know why life, Mother Nature, creation—well, take your pick—has put together systems supposedly natural, which are so unnatural when put into funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
practice.

I don’t want to get graphic, but just the means by which we dispel our waste through bowel movements, and then trying to uncover a dainty process for not appearing absolutely gross while doing it and finishing up is a good example. Remember the lesson? “Take this flimsy piece of tissue paper in your right hand and reach around into your butt crack and clean yourself but make sure you don’t use too much of it or it will clog the toilet, but just enough that your hands can be used again for interaction with other souls.”

Sometimes I think God used the Earth and human beings more or less as an experiment, or maybe even a practical joke—and that somewhere in the Universe there is a new and improved human race which doesn’t have to deal with—shall we say?—natural humiliations.

This came to mind when I saw the word “corsage.” When I was in high school, I went to a prom and purchased such a flower at our local florist, who provided two long pins along with the arrangement, so that the man (in this case, me) could pin the corsage onto the young girl’s dress when arriving to pick her up for the date.

Is there anything that I just described that seems natural or sensible to you? It especially became horrifying when I walked in the door and realized that my date was bare-shouldered, and the place to pin said corsage was up near her precious bosom, which certainly did not need probing in front of her parents, especially with two sharp objects in my hand.

But it was all part of the fantasy.

The parents were standing by with their cameras, gasping, looking for a Kodak moment. The young lady I was taking to the prom had no more experience on this issue than me, so she stood by praying, lamb-like, pre-slaughter.

Somehow or another, I was able to get the pin stuck through the dress and into a little corner of the stem of the flower, where it somewhat dangled from her dress like low-hanging fruit.

I stepped away, greatly relieved that it was attached and that I was detaching.

Fortunately, as years passed, someone came along, admitting the horror and the potential blood-letting of the moment in adolescence, and invented a corsage with Velcro, which hooks onto the wrist—did you hear me?—the wrist of the girl—and doesn’t require prickly points.

Now isn’t that smart?

Couldn’t we perhaps have skipped a step and gone to something like that to begin with instead of tempting the fates, the gods or the fumbling hands of a teenage boy?

Even though the corsage question seems to be handled, I still break out in a cold sweat every time I see one, frightened that some old person in the crowd will shout, “Hey! Just for old time’s sake, why don’t you pin it on her?”


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Corn

Corn: (n) a tall cereal plant having a jointed, solid stem and bearing the grain, seeds, or kernels on large ears.

I tried to get lost in America.

Many times.

Although I visited every large city, there were occasions in my touring, travels and interaction with the populace that I purposely placed myself deeper and deeper into smaller and smaller regions.

It was enlightening.

It was invigorating to drive down a country road at twilight and not see a building taller than two stories for ten miles in any direction.

What I could never escape was corn.

It’s everywhere.

I judged my tours by its growth.

I began each tour traveling when little, tiny green heads were barely popping out of the earth.  Matter of fact, someone would have to point out that the “field over there” was corn, because it looked like a promising acre of weeds.

Time passed.

I logged some more numbers on my odometer, and now the green weed was nearly knee high—often before the fourth of July.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

But it still didn’t look like much.

More travel, more little towns. More diners which surprised me with a particular delicacy that tickled my fancy.

The corn just kept growing.

Pretty soon you could make out tiny ears sprouting, getting ready to hear further instructions from Mother Nature.

And then—all at once—there were huge fields of it in all directions. Corn stalks blowing in the breeze, chock-full of magnificent cobs, ready for the munching.

It was delicious.

But it was also forewarning—the warmth in the air was soon to be replaced, and traveling gypsies like me needed to find warmer climates, and spend my time watching the oranges grow.


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Contrivance

Contrivance: (n) a plan or scheme; expedient

 It happens every day.

I have an idea how things should work, how they should unfold, and the results do not conform to my plan.

My instinct? Ignore the information that’s been provided, push past the obvious defeat and persevere with my thinking, adding some last-minute changes, funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cwhile insisting that no evolution is necessary.

I am determined to be right, even when I’m wrong.

Therefore, I’m often wrong, even when I’m right.

I possess the ability to learn but I suppress it because I’m afraid that being a learner will make me appear to be a student instead of a teacher.

Presently, I’m a master of contrivance, attempting to learn to be a master of service.

Life on Earth is not really difficult—you try something and it either works or it doesn’t. Pain only arrives if you insist on continuing to do what doesn’t work instead of changing in the direction where Mother Nature, Father God and fellow humans are headed.

Our religion is a contrivance because it withholds mercy, clinging to the law.

Our government is a contrivance because it is in need of refreshing.

Our relationships with our fellow human beings are a contrivance because we insist on how different we are instead of acknowledging that we are one people.

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Contribute

Contribute: (v) to give for a charitable purpose

What do I have to contribute?

Usually when this question is posed, it is anticipated that I will pull out my wallet, my checkbook or present my debit card. We are funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cthoroughly convinced that the mechanisms are in place for the success of many a venture. The only lacking seems to be a deficit in financing.

We aren’t looking for anyone to contribute a historical perspective on the proposal.

We certainly aren’t requesting travelers to contribute anecdotal examples of their personal experience in relation to the project.

And more often than not, we are unwilling to ask for the contribution of Mother Nature or Father God to enlighten us.

No, we’re all pretty well convinced that humanity is just dollars away from sense.

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Contradiction

Contradiction: (n) assertion of the contrary or opposite; denial.

Inerrant.

Infallible.

These are words that were presented to me in the early days of my faith to describe the Bible. It was my lot to accept the inerrancy and the infallibility of the Word of God.

I am also led to believe that a two-party system is the best form of politics, three branches of government are a superior way to express democracy, and that it is kale, not oat bran, possessing the greatest health benefit

We live in a world of uncertainty, containing a degree of chaos to help promote the evolution that makes life progress.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Yet I am instructed that certain holy sanctuaries of thinking are without contradiction and need no addendum whatsoever. It is, of course, impossible to believe that someone who wrote down their thoughts six thousand years ago would have the exact same mindset as someone who wrote them down four thousand years later minus any contradiction to an individual sitting here right now, writing to you today.

There are contradictions. It’s what makes life worth living. If everything were written in stone, then we would be crushed by the weight of the severity.

But the Earth is ever-moving toward solution. Mother Nature is continually cleansing herself of the unnecessary. And God chooses grace rather than law.

It is our responsibility to realize that the only immutable point which cannot be contradicted is “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Everything else is fluff, window dressing, error, passing fancy and first drafts.

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Consider

Consider: (v) to think carefully about something

A lily.

Let me consider this…

A carpenter who talks to his friends about considering lilies.

Certainly the more macho factions of our society might find this to be somewhat effeminate.

Liberals might think this statement, “consider the lily” is a sign of unannounced but obvious support for the LGBTQ community.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

But what the carpenter wanted everyone to consider was not the beauty of the lily, but how it grew.

So much talk. So much reasoning. So much discussion about growing.

Yet the assertion of this carpenter was that the lily was worth considering because it grew without struggle. It didn’t work hard or try to manipulate circumstances to its favor.

It found dirt, absorbed the available nutrients, waited for the rain to enrich it, and then it trusted that there was good stuff inside the seed to create a flower.

There are so many beautiful thoughts there that it would be difficult to focus on one over another. So let me not steer the wheel of your journey in comprehension.

After all, the carpenter had the best word to describe what we need to do if we want to understand how Earth, Mother Nature and even faith flourish.

He suggested: consider.

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Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories 'Til Christmas

(click the elephant to see what he’s reading!)

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