Chimpanzee

Chimpanzee: (n) a great ape

“Keeping an open mind so I can claim to have one…”

Yes, that’s me.

I don’t think I’m alone. It seems, in our generation, that being decried for having a closed mind is the worst insult we could sling at someone.
We all pretend that we are very willing to learn new things as we strategically place ourselves smack in the middle of repetition.

Being a person of faith, I got tired of those who are not bent in that persuasion, accusing me of being ignorant because of my insistence on valuing creation instead of adhering to evolution. Actually, I agree with evolution–up to a point.

And that point is the chimpanzee.

The chimpanzee is supposed to be our closest cousin, or some sort of relative. So one day I decided to go to the zoo, observe the chimpanzee, and discover what similarities I had with this non-kissing-cousin. I stayed for a full hour–matter of fact, I stayed so long that I think the little monkey became paranoid.

The chimpanzee seemed to have a great preoccupation with its own penis. It frequently reached down to pull on it, as if releasing it from some sort of prison.

The creature also favored scratching its ass, made unintelligible sounds, and hopped around from place to place with no real destination.

It became aggravated when someone took its food or threatened to occupy its space.

It seemed to glare a lot. (It could have been gas.)

It wasn’t particularly friendly. Of course, that could have been due to the fact that it was in a zoo instead of out on the Serengeti.

It didn’t like its fellow-monkeys, and appeared to be a little chippy, looking for a reason to argue.

It was obviously selfish.

It stopped from time to time–appearing to preen. (At least that’s the way I would describe the self-stroking.)

It was very preoccupied, and most of the time, seemed bored.

I realized I was wrong.

It is very human.

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Characteristic

Characteristic: (adj) typical of a particular person, place, or thing.

You have to be pretty bad to not want to be a good person.

Most people prefer angel wings to devil claws. We may view ourselves as being dangerous–until we realize we really like to play it safe.

What’s missing is the listing of the characteristics required to put a “good” in front of your “person”–making you priceless to the human tribe.

I’m sure everybody could derive a list, and each lineup would have its own merit, but may I offer mine?

Let’s call it the top five things that make our race tolerable instead of insufferable:

  1. Humility

Of course, you don’t get to be humble until you do something great, but once you have an accomplishment, the quality of the endeavor should be enough without demanding too much laud from others or indulging in self-worship.

  1. Self-correction

The best way to be annoying to other friends in your circle is to be the last one to realize you have a problem. Of course, there’s a danger with incriminating yourself too much, but most of us will never get near that cliff.

If you can see your shortcomings, you don’t have to go through the pain of being alienated because of them.

  1. Change

Stop being part of the unrealistic horde which insists that “change is too hard.”

Everything has come through evolution, so it is safe to assume that the process is continuing right now, in your life.

So change before you are forced to, or before you’re lying flat on your back because the cosmic steamroller just flattened your dreams.

  1. Don’t judge under any circumstances.

Even if it’s late at night, you’re with a friend and you’re in the mood to gossip–don’t. Go to bed and get some sleep.

You and I never have the right to evaluate the lives of other people. Even if an angel comes and whispers in your ear, telling you of the iniquity of another traveler, you should compliment the angel on its wings, but ignore the message.

  1. Good cheer.

There are times that depression and sadness overtake us all–but as much as is within us, we should allow the paint brush of gratitude to be the artist of our portrait. It makes us viable–and more than that, it makes us reliable.

There you go. One man’s limited scope in describing the characteristics of a good person.

In my opinion, all you have to do to become a bad person is look at the list and insist “it’s a free country, and nobody’s business but your own.”

 

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Buxom

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Buxom: (adj) a woman with large breasts.

Prude or rude?

These appear to be the two choices offered to me every day.

I can take a path of believing that anything that sounds sexual or stimulates my temptations should be ignored or relegated to a private corner.

Or I can just pop off and use all the vernacular of present day society, acting like the free spirit, uninhibited to speak my mind.

We just don’t seem to have the ability to find better ways to share our thoughts.

So we end up looking on buxom women as if they are motherly, or else we proclaim them to have “big tits.”

Somewhere along the line we have completely lost the evolutionary meaning of women’s breasts. So some folks refuse to talk about them and other people giggle and ogle them.

What is the correct procedure?

It’s simple: it’s up to the person who has them.

If a woman is proud of her breasts, wants to talk about them and feels uplifted, so to speak, by others appreciating them, I think that’s just jim dandy.

If she’s embarrassed, tentative and uncertain about her bosom, I have absolutely no problem remaining silent and diverting my eyes.

Being a prude or being rude is a decision to make a decision for someone else. You are either communicating that they should be embarrassed by their buxom condition, or that they should be prepared to be leered at by every fellow who passes by.

We have no right to make decisions for other people.

It is our job to bounce off the desires that each person we meet may express, and honor his or her wishes.

In doing so, we actually begin to approach maturity.

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Burden

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Burden: (n) a load, especially a heavy one.

Being able to define what a burden truly is may be a step toward maturity and a leap in humanity.

We are quick to complain of simple cumbersome circumstances. They are often temporary but we still lodge our formal objection.

Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I am fully aware that the universe does not favor me, yet somehow I anticipate front row seats, flowers at the backstage door and standing ovations for simple tasks.

Vanity is not merely propping up our better features. Vanity is when we believe our features should be sufficient without propping.

What is a burden? Because once we define it, then we certainly know, in the realm of the spirit, our mission is to make it as light as possible.

The burden should be light.

But until we conclude what burdens us, we are apt to invent new definitions for the condition based upon the color of our mood.

For instance, watching the grandchildren one week may be a treasure, but on the following Tuesday may seem to be a burden.

There are times that shopping for a new pair of shoes has the sniff of adventure, and on other occasions, just stinks.

We keep moving the poles, changing the dimensions and re-negotiating our grouchiness.

The true definition of a burden is something which is unexpected but proven to be necessary and therefore needs to be taken in stride as much as possible–so we don’t lose our good cheer.

Yet if we stubbornly insist that life should never sneak up on us, we will constantly be jumping out of our skin at the slightest inkling of evolution.

 

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Bramble

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Bramble: (n) a prickly scrambling vine or shrub

Is the Universe a sporadic series of incomplete evolutions, or a well-constructed and defined object lesson?

It’s a damn good question.Dictionary B

Because if I were to believe that everything is spawned by chance, then I might be completely unable to make sense of anything around me.

But if there is some sort of reason, purpose or genius behind the way things are placed, then I have the glorious task of unraveling the mystery.

Why do roses have thorns?

And why do bramble bushes have prickly parts that make it difficult to pick the berries which often inhabit their vines?

What’s the message?

Is there a need for us to be discouraged in the pursuit of beauty and nutrition?

Are we to understand that blessing is achieved, rather than guaranteed?

Is the Creator trying to separate the perseverant from the lazy?

Because plucking a rose is risking a prick.

And hunting for berries might tear at your skin.

Is there a message here? Or am I reading deeper thoughts than intended into an evolutionary mishap?

I’m not sure.

But I can tell you, the pursuit of wisdom never fails us … even if there’s very little information to be uncovered.

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Big Bang

Big Bang: (n) the supposed origin of the Universe.

“Choose your poison.”Dictionary B

I know that sounds like a cynical statement, but the truth of the matter is, if you were going to die by consuming a substance, it might be nice to be able to pick the one that was the least painful.

That’s what I feel about those who believe in Creationism, and others who assert the Big Bang theory.

Both story lines seem comically intricate and equally unlikely.

First, the faith it takes to believe in a supernatural Creator of the Universe is beyond the capacity of any living human soul. We are all perpetually in doubt that God actually exists, let alone holds a viable position.

On the other hand, the notion that some convergence of energy created an explosion which splattered matter across the darkened sky, to begin a festeringly long incubation towards life, which culminates with a kidney in a human body which knows how to regulate poisons out while maintaining blood pressure, is equally wild and wacky.

So for me it becomes a case of whether it’s all of one, a combination of both, or even the aggravating “neither.”

I do gyrate toward a belief in God simply because I am hopeful of seeing humanity grow sensitive to itself and one another, in order to prolong our stay on Earth instead of hastening our departure to unknown shorelines.

Yet I will never reject the discoveries of science, which help me to understand how our Universe came to be.

So when asked if I believe in evolution, my response is, “Evolution seems to believe in me. Thank God.”

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Baboon

Baboon: (n) a large monkey with a long doglike snout and large teeth.Dictionary B

  • Science is what we’ve learned about God,
  • Spirituality is what science has yet to learn.

So when Darwin discovered a chain of events leading to an understanding of natural selection and evolution, rather than realizing it was a step in our understanding of the rolling out of the Universe, we made the ridiculous assumption that we had dislodged the pearl of great price.

Meanwhile, Darwin’s theory has been used by racists and white supremacists for years to explain the existence of the black race. For these people contend that our brothers and sisters with a darker hue to their skin are the Missing Link.

So in the midst of this consideration that the baboon and all the primate cousins are really our ancestors, we have arrogantly opened up the door to suppositions and conclusions which have never been proven to have any merit.

Here’s the truth of the matter: the human body is a mishmash of many species of animals.

It’s almost as if some sort of Creator went to the graveyard of the animal kingdom and scooped up the dust left over from their bodies and made human beings, setting them apart with a larger brain and a deeper sense of conscience.

Just because we find the poetry of the story to be too simplistic, the idea that we have closed the book on evolution/creation by studying Darwin’s assertions, is equally as juvenile.

  • We have learned much about God. It is called Science.
  • We have much more Science to learn. It is called God.

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