Corsage

Corsage: (n) a small bouquet worn at the waist, on the shoulder, or the wrist of a woman

I, for one, am thoroughly convinced that the only purpose we have as individual human beings is to discover ways to avoid the humiliation that often befalls us as a collective.

I don’t know why life, Mother Nature, creation—well, take your pick—has put together systems supposedly natural, which are so unnatural when put into funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
practice.

I don’t want to get graphic, but just the means by which we dispel our waste through bowel movements, and then trying to uncover a dainty process for not appearing absolutely gross while doing it and finishing up is a good example. Remember the lesson? “Take this flimsy piece of tissue paper in your right hand and reach around into your butt crack and clean yourself but make sure you don’t use too much of it or it will clog the toilet, but just enough that your hands can be used again for interaction with other souls.”

Sometimes I think God used the Earth and human beings more or less as an experiment, or maybe even a practical joke—and that somewhere in the Universe there is a new and improved human race which doesn’t have to deal with—shall we say?—natural humiliations.

This came to mind when I saw the word “corsage.” When I was in high school, I went to a prom and purchased such a flower at our local florist, who provided two long pins along with the arrangement, so that the man (in this case, me) could pin the corsage onto the young girl’s dress when arriving to pick her up for the date.

Is there anything that I just described that seems natural or sensible to you? It especially became horrifying when I walked in the door and realized that my date was bare-shouldered, and the place to pin said corsage was up near her precious bosom, which certainly did not need probing in front of her parents, especially with two sharp objects in my hand.

But it was all part of the fantasy.

The parents were standing by with their cameras, gasping, looking for a Kodak moment. The young lady I was taking to the prom had no more experience on this issue than me, so she stood by praying, lamb-like, pre-slaughter.

Somehow or another, I was able to get the pin stuck through the dress and into a little corner of the stem of the flower, where it somewhat dangled from her dress like low-hanging fruit.

I stepped away, greatly relieved that it was attached and that I was detaching.

Fortunately, as years passed, someone came along, admitting the horror and the potential blood-letting of the moment in adolescence, and invented a corsage with Velcro, which hooks onto the wrist—did you hear me?—the wrist of the girl—and doesn’t require prickly points.

Now isn’t that smart?

Couldn’t we perhaps have skipped a step and gone to something like that to begin with instead of tempting the fates, the gods or the fumbling hands of a teenage boy?

Even though the corsage question seems to be handled, I still break out in a cold sweat every time I see one, frightened that some old person in the crowd will shout, “Hey! Just for old time’s sake, why don’t you pin it on her?”


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Corroborate

Corroborate: (v) to make more certain; confirm

There are those final moments at the end of a heated argument when two or more people stare at each other, exhausted from trying to outwit one another, realizing that life needs to go on, yet all the debaters are suspicious of exactly how that could happen.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Human beings are the most fragile, yet indestructible, organisms ever conceived.

We can have our bodies shot with radiation to kill cancer.

People have fallen out of fifteen-story windows, landed on cement and survived.

Yet one foolish accusation or ill-placed assumption can render us emotionally paralyzed, unable to continue without years of therapy or medication.

What is it that causes us to believe that disagreements, which are plentiful, are somehow or another insurmountable?

There may be only one thing that aids the survival of the human race: a single action placed at just the right time after we have failed, cursed, stumbled, lied, cheated, argued and even threatened violence. It is the stillness which often comes over the soul and allows a moment of heartfelt reflection.

At this juncture we realize that the best way to confirm what we hope, what we are or what we believe is to stop fussing and go out and find a way to corroborate it.

  • Cease wishing; begin to work.
  • Stop praying and instead, produce.
  • And fail without becoming a failure.Donate Button

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Constant

Constant: (adj) occurring continuously over a period of time.

I call them “weenie words.” These are exaggerated terms we use to either gain sympathy or establish our prowess.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Constant is one of those words.

“I am constantly in pain.”

I’m sorry–highly unlikely.

“I am praying constantly for you.”

I hope not. Please set aside some time for your life.

“I am constantly exercising to stay in shape.”

So what’s the advantage of being in shape if you don’t have time to flaunt it?

“I am constantly wrestling with insomnia.”

O-h-h-h, I don’t know. I’ll come back in about fifteen minutes and see you dozing.

There are certain constants that would be good, but you rarely hear them:

“I am constantly learning to be a better person through my mistakes.”

“I am constantly being reminded that I’m not as good as I think I am.”

“I am constant in my need for people to inform me when I’m being an asshole.”

Constant is a weenie word–a choice of language we make when we’re trying to impress, complain or insist that we’ve done everything humanly possible.

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Commend

Commend: (v) to praise formally or officially.

A face that is not tired of still trying to offer a smile.

A childlike silliness, even when you aren’t with children.

A hope that opportunity will provide finance.

A notion that even though people try to be different, it’s more fun to discover how we’re the same.

Being satisfied with beans and wieners.

Trying a new recipe, blowing it, but still eating a little.

Having it cross your mind to say “I love you” and doing it instead of choking it back.

Noticing someone who’s lonely and simply touching their shoulder as you go by.

Giving a dollar–or maybe two–to the homeless without wondering what they’re going to do with it.

Choosing to take action instead of just praying.

Listening instead of quoting a scripture.

Laughing when it’s time to stop crying.

Giving without thinking.

Caring without worrying.

Living fully without requiring a heavenly reward.

These are some things I commend.

 

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Balm

Balm:(n) a fragrant ointment or preparation used to heal or soothe the skin.Dictionary B

Dried out.

The skin begins to flake and fall off because of a lack of moisture.

Got it. Some lotion, or balm, is very helpful. You also might want to drink some water.

But in like manner, our society is dried out. Pardon the expression, but we’ve become quite flaky.

To sit around and discuss the condition or lament our dryness seems futile.

We need a balm–something to spread all over us which will moisturize us and make us pliable to reason and willing to at least consider the truth. Those noble souls who are willing to bring that ointment to our society will certainly be doing the work of the angels.

So what is the balm?

I will give you a little secret. There are two things you can do which totally change the complexion of the human beings around you:

Don’t worry.

Don’t hurry.

Everything bad that happens in our lives occurs because we are worrying or complaining when opportunity knocks on the door, or we’re in such a hurry that we make stupid mistakes.

It’s no more complicated than that.

If you’re going to spend all your time hurrying to solve a problem that’s come up and the rest of the time, worrying about the next problem around the corner, you will be undesirable and a real flake.

Just bringing a non-worrisome attitude without hurrying is a balm of healing to our times.

  • Stop preaching.
  • Stop praying so much.
  • Stop trying to find the new solution to the old problem.

Don’t worry. Don’t hurry.

You will anoint every situation with newness … and bring “fresh skin” to the human race.

 

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Alliteration

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Alliteration: (n) the presence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent or closely occurring words

Powerful principles promote pondering, preaching precepts, progressing people past present pressures, pilfering pleasures, playing politics–plus permissible praying, producing precious patience.

Perfect!