Tag Archives: appliances

Daisies

Daisies: (n) plural of daisy—a flower with a yellow disk and white rays

 There are so many things to figure out if you’re a woman.

Without any doubt, a woman has to do everything a man does and have added to her job list overcoming discrimination, motherhood and childbirth.

Don’t they call that overtime?

Also, I left one out:

Flower selection.

As a gal, you must decide what kind of flowers you’ll accept from your male counterpart on those infrequent times when he decides to be warm and fuzzy and bloom affection in your direction.

Someone has told these male strugglers that giving flowers to a woman is a positive thing. Perhaps they should sit down and talk to the ladies to find out if a floral arrangement is really the doorway to their hearts.

I would think that cash and candy would top the list.

But with that in mind, since a girl has to decide how to be a girl in a world where boys think they should, she must make a very important decision on what kind of flower will be associated with her.

Because one night, in an awkward moment, the boyfriend will ask, “Speaking of bowling balls, what’s your favorite flower?”

Choose carefully, my lady.

Check on the website of your local florist shop and see what the going prices are for the available blossoms.

If you choose orchid, your boy pal will be very frustrated, trying to get enough money together to purchase a gang of them.

How about roses?

Roses aren’t expensive if you buy them off the back of a truck that’s been sitting in the hot sun, with stems covered with thorns. But good roses can set you back a pretty penny.

Daffodils are an odd choice—and many florists don’t necessarily offer them in personalized clumps.

You can choose carnations, which is a safe bet, but it makes you look like a bargain-bin princess.

Then…there are daisies.

As long as you don’t ask something weird of them, they’re pretty inexpensive, okay looking, and are easy for a florist to turn into a bouquet.

Yet, if you do decide on daisies, be aware that your guy will think you love them so much that he will buy you appliances, pictures and even sheets decorated with them.

 

Appliance

dictionary with letter A

Appliance: (n) a piece of equipment designed to do a specific task, typically a domestic one.

I have often thought it would be a very intelligent maneuver to set my mind to becoming more of a handy man.

I have a very firm conviction (though many of you would consider it a superstition): I think my appliances know that I’m ignorant.

I think secretly they hide out in the kitchen, the bathroom or the office and plot ways to make me nervous by pretending to pull up lame at the most inopportune times so they can view me fidgeting nervously, wondering how to accomplish my task without them.

If you think about it, this is the only self-worth an appliance has. No one pops the bread in the toaster, has it cook to a golden brown and then pats the chrome while saying, “Thank you, toaster for doing your job.”

The only time we actually acknowledge the toaster, or any number of appliances, is when they decide to go on the fritz or become intermittent in some disgusting pattern. It is only then that we appreciate the value they bring to the household.

Is it too far out for me to believe that these appliances might have some sort of agreement among each other, to seek approval by refusing to operate?

So I think becoming a little more handy with tools, threatening to break them open and play with their innards, might be enough to rein them into submission.

Of course, the times I’ve hung around such skillful laborers, I have quickly deterred from my passion to pursue their abilities, because within moments, their explanations and terminology leave me totally baffled. (For instance, a friend of mine talked a good ten minutes about various types of screws before I realized he wasn’t being lascivious.)

So since I’m pathetic with the implements which might be able to fix my appliances, I’ve decided to be very polite, gentle and appreciative to them. Landing somewhere between encouraging a baby to walk and a dog to retrieve a frisbee, I have developed lingo for each and every one of them to let them know how much I value their service.

  • So the dishwasher is “dear.”
  • The toaster is “cool, man.”
  • And the blender is “wow.”

I hope by using these little bursts of encouragement, I can keep them operating in tip-top shape…so they don’t feel the need to threaten me with the silent treatment or their shut-down mode.

 

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