Daisies: (n) plural of daisy—a flower with a yellow disk and white rays

 There are so many things to figure out if you’re a woman.

Without any doubt, a woman has to do everything a man does and have added to her job list overcoming discrimination, motherhood and childbirth.

Don’t they call that overtime?

Also, I left one out:

Flower selection.

As a gal, you must decide what kind of flowers you’ll accept from your male counterpart on those infrequent times when he decides to be warm and fuzzy and bloom affection in your direction.

Someone has told these male strugglers that giving flowers to a woman is a positive thing. Perhaps they should sit down and talk to the ladies to find out if a floral arrangement is really the doorway to their hearts.

I would think that cash and candy would top the list.

But with that in mind, since a girl has to decide how to be a girl in a world where boys think they should, she must make a very important decision on what kind of flower will be associated with her.

Because one night, in an awkward moment, the boyfriend will ask, “Speaking of bowling balls, what’s your favorite flower?”

Choose carefully, my lady.

Check on the website of your local florist shop and see what the going prices are for the available blossoms.

If you choose orchid, your boy pal will be very frustrated, trying to get enough money together to purchase a gang of them.

How about roses?

Roses aren’t expensive if you buy them off the back of a truck that’s been sitting in the hot sun, with stems covered with thorns. But good roses can set you back a pretty penny.

Daffodils are an odd choice—and many florists don’t necessarily offer them in personalized clumps.

You can choose carnations, which is a safe bet, but it makes you look like a bargain-bin princess.

Then…there are daisies.

As long as you don’t ask something weird of them, they’re pretty inexpensive, okay looking, and are easy for a florist to turn into a bouquet.

Yet, if you do decide on daisies, be aware that your guy will think you love them so much that he will buy you appliances, pictures and even sheets decorated with them.



Crowdfunding: (v) the activity or process of raising money from a large number of people, typically through a website

Let us assume it started with a guy named Jim.

Jim was a happy teenager, but his family was very poor. He had two pairs of jeans.

Both of them were old, both showing wear and even some tear.

Jim sat in his room, quietly trying to figure out how he could go to school without looking like he was poverty stricken.

Suddenly he had an idea. Rather than going to school with a pair of jeans that had one little tear in them, he would go ahead and tear them in several different places—and when others in his class laughed at him, he would explain that this was the rage from the West Coast.

Wearing tattered jeans.

At first his friends mocked him—and then one, maybe two—could it have been five? They stepped out from the taunting crowd and asked Jim where he got his jeans because they wanted a pair.

Jim made up some company, and since the teenagers were unable to find it, they went home and cut up their own jeans, which eventually became a fad. And then, all at once, the jeans that didn’t have wear and tear—didn’t have holes—were the cheap ones.

And the ripped ones were expensive.

Likewise, somewhere along the line, someone (maybe his name was Jim, too) anyway, he got tired of begging his family for money for lamebrain projects and having them turn him down because they weren’t gonna put another dime into what he did “until he went out and got a goddamn job.”

Well, this fellow—let’s just call him Jim—was too proud to go out on the street and hold a cardboard sign requesting aid. So Jim wrote a blurb describing what he would do with seed money, put together a website and started something called “crowdfunding,” which is nothing more than a way to beg for money while looking like you might be in the pursuit of a great endeavor.

It is the torn-up jeans of fundraising.

Most of the people who raise their money by crowdfunding don’t necessarily finish what they claimed they were going to do, but for a brief moment, we think the twenty dollars we donated might become the next Star Wars film, or fund a plunger that needs no human effort, but tackles the toilet by itself.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

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Autograph: (n) a signature, especially that of a celebrity written as a memento for an admirer.

Life is an elevator.dictionary with letter A

The same blessing that takes you up is the shaft that brings you down. It all depends on the buttons you push.

I learn this all the time.

Having authored a number of books, I often have people asking for my autograph. It is a very kind gesture.

I never get tired of the jolt of joy that comes into my soul, realizing that someone has first of all treasured my writings enough to purchase them, but also wants me to put my name on them.

It’s exciting.

I even practiced my signature to make sure that it looked “authorian” and had a certain flair that exuded eccentricity.

So one day, having some time on my hands, I perused the Internet, seeking out information on my name and the books I had written.

I was drawn to this website where used books were offered at reduced rates. I discovered that many of my volumes were available–and almost every one of them advertised that it was “signed by the author,” supposedly thus giving it some extra clout.

But to my great dismay, many of these copies I had signed had been discounted even from their original reduced rate–down so low that one of my books was being offered for 59 cents.

So not only was my original work and inspiration diminished in value, but apparently by adding my signature to the equation, no greater wealth was calculated.

It made me realize that I had better enjoy the elevator of autographing when it’s going up.

Because eventually it will come back down…into the bargain bin.

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