funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Create: (v) to cause to come into being

You created me.

So the story goes.

What was your intention?

Was I literally the next step in the evolutionary chain?

That would be fine. Yet I have to admit to you, I’m a damn far sight cuter than a chimpanzee. Maybe it was your time for a leap of faith.

The tale also includes that you created me in your image.

Which image?

Since you’re a spirit, there is no physical. So am I created in your spiritual image? (I’m sorry, I don’t think you’ll be able to buff out the dents I’ve generated in that situation.)

So what is your image? Well… I know you create. Duh.

So did you create me to be a creator? Will we compete? I suppose not. You can do the whole galaxy thing—I can make a telescope to see your stars.

So was I created to be creative? Was I evolved to further evolve? Or was I an accident due to some sort of ethereal busted rubber?

It’d be nice to know.

I must be candid with you—your response time is poor. Maybe it’s because the staff you have to work with consists of other humans like myself, easily carried away by their own fantasies, and they forget to be helpful.

I don’t know.

I refuse to be a chimpanzee. I don’t have the hair for it.

I’m reluctant to believe I was an accident.

I am waiting for an assurance agent, not an insurance agent. (See how creative I can be? What did you think of that assurance/insurance thing? A play on words.)

Maybe that’s what I am. Maybe you were making angels and you fucked some of them up and decided to rename them “human.” I can buy that. We’ve all had embarrassing workdays.

Here’s what I’m going to do:

I am going to believe that you created me in your image, which is a creative one, so that I would find a way to create, with the materials provided for me.

I don’t know whether this is right or not—but I do believe it promotes sanity.

It’s a much easier story to follow than me being a ping-pong ball in a fevered match between you and Beelzebub.


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Assurance: (n) positive declaration intended to give confidence; a promise.dictionary with letter A

“A money-back guarantee.”

How we love such a promise.

Yet there really are no guarantees. And I’m not speaking this from a jaded position. What I mean is, life maintains its purpose and fairness by being unpredictable.

  • For every person who insists they have assurance in their finance, there are stock market crashes and bank closings.
  • For every individual who puts great confidence in beauty, there is the ever-present specter of aging.
  • Even in religion, the “blessed assurance” that “Jesus is mine” is merely a promise of a heaven which we cannot see.

So I often wonder what value a word like “assurance” actually has in the human vocabulary.

Is it merely something we demand from other people, so we can be angry with them later when they turn out to be as inconsistent as we are?

Is it a self-righteous decision to hold some things in place, with the ridiculous assumption that change is normally for the worse?

I don’t know.

But as I’ve gotten older–and hopefully, a little more mature–I’ve asked people to make less promises and give fewer assurances.

Because I think a wiser philosophy is that since we cannot make ourselves taller or lengthen our lives, we should be content to accept the value of the moment for the beauty it possesses instead of trying to lock in a permanent situation … which is usually beyond the scope of us mere mortals.


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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix