Create

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Create: (v) to cause to come into being

You created me.

So the story goes.

What was your intention?

Was I literally the next step in the evolutionary chain?

That would be fine. Yet I have to admit to you, I’m a damn far sight cuter than a chimpanzee. Maybe it was your time for a leap of faith.

The tale also includes that you created me in your image.

Which image?

Since you’re a spirit, there is no physical. So am I created in your spiritual image? (I’m sorry, I don’t think you’ll be able to buff out the dents I’ve generated in that situation.)

So what is your image? Well… I know you create. Duh.

So did you create me to be a creator? Will we compete? I suppose not. You can do the whole galaxy thing—I can make a telescope to see your stars.

So was I created to be creative? Was I evolved to further evolve? Or was I an accident due to some sort of ethereal busted rubber?

It’d be nice to know.

I must be candid with you—your response time is poor. Maybe it’s because the staff you have to work with consists of other humans like myself, easily carried away by their own fantasies, and they forget to be helpful.

I don’t know.

I refuse to be a chimpanzee. I don’t have the hair for it.

I’m reluctant to believe I was an accident.

I am waiting for an assurance agent, not an insurance agent. (See how creative I can be? What did you think of that assurance/insurance thing? A play on words.)

Maybe that’s what I am. Maybe you were making angels and you fucked some of them up and decided to rename them “human.” I can buy that. We’ve all had embarrassing workdays.

Here’s what I’m going to do:

I am going to believe that you created me in your image, which is a creative one, so that I would find a way to create, with the materials provided for me.

I don’t know whether this is right or not—but I do believe it promotes sanity.

It’s a much easier story to follow than me being a ping-pong ball in a fevered match between you and Beelzebub.

 

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Conviction

Conviction: (n) a fixed or firm belief

There is a new rule. If the word “rule” sounds too stodgy for you, then call it a guideline.

If “guideline” is still too restrictive, you may consider it an insight.

If “insight” gives you the creeps, then let’s just call it an idea.

Here it is:

You are allowed, permitted and granted an opinion, as long as you’re willing to be wrong.

The very second that you—or I, for that matter—start insisting that our opinion is really a conviction held by millions and even, maybe, heralded by the heavens, we probably need to be hauled off somewhere to live in a poverty-stricken situation until humility settles into our souls.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Discussion would be no problem if we actually discussed. We don’t. We enter discussions with convictions.

Disagreements would still be fine if we were conscious of the need to evolve. But we aren’t, because our convictions arrived to us engraved in stone.

It would even be possible to argue—as long as our convictions didn’t cause us to be arrogant, feeling that we’re pleasing a political party, a science project or a deity by being stubborn.

I used to have many convictions. I used to scrunch my face up when I heard people advance their theories or share their preferences.

Whenever I did this, my ass always found my hole and created an unrighteous unity.

Over the years I have abandoned, ignored, walked away from and giggled at many of my convictions, realizing that the majority of them were hatched in the henhouse of speculation. Let’s be honest—your speculation is as good as mine, and mine is pretty worthless.

So now I listen, I get an idea of what’s going on, and from that idea I develop an inkling which I take into the discussion, only to discover that much of my inkling needs to be trimmed away.

I am not impressed with convictions.

What truly touches my heart is seeing human beings who have the mercy and grace to be wrong while still smiling.


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Contrarian

Contrarian: (n) a person who takes an opposing view

The contrarians of one generation are the high school teachers of the next.

It was a contrarian who stood up in 1847 and said slavery was wrong. Move ahead forty or fifty years and the whole country has fought a great war (if such a thing as a “great” war is possible) to confirm the point of the contrarian.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Contrarians are people like you and me who affix themselves to a notion they believe is universal or perhaps even divinely inspired, and rather than giving into the pressure to be average or common, they persist in pursuing their train of thought.

I have spent most of my life being a contrarian and have dwelt on this planet long enough to see many of the things that troubled me get worked out, discussed and now everyone assumes they were never issues.

I lived through the civil rights movement, and though I grew up in a white-bread-mayonnaise community, I decided to support equality.

While people were screaming about patriotism and Viet Nam, I listened carefully and gradually decided I agreed with the contrarian position—that the skirmish in Indochina was ill-conceived.

I was there to remind those from the Moral Majority that they were neither moral nor really a majority.

I have been a blessed man.

There’s nothing special about me except for the fact that I am not afraid to be a contrarian.

I am not terrified when the plurality of my society frowns at my outlandish contentions.

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Contraption

Contraption: (n) a mechanical contrivance; gadget; device.

Getting older changes my opinion on many things.

When I was much younger, I viewed myself as a discovery—a unique human being placed on Earth for some divine cause or mission. Such an idea was immature, short-sighted and arrogant simultaneously.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Getting a little more experience under my belt, I thought I might be an invention. In other words, the creative forces in the universe stumbled upon my attributes and decided to use me to make something else.

Yet as time marched on, I realized that although I was happy and did possess some ability, the combination was not unique to my person.

Pressing on, I now realize I’m a contraption, and like any such device, I’m about as usable as I am willing to be flexible.

For instance, a tire iron is a contraption. It can function to work on tires. You can use it to get something from underneath a couch. Or if an attacker decided to bother you, you might be able to scare him or her away with by brandishing it.

Yes—I am a contraption. I’m just about as functional as I’m willing to evolve myself to be.

I used to be prideful and say I would never do certain things. Once I abandoned the pride, I suddenly discovered there were many more inventive things I could do.

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Chapter

Chapter: (n) a division of a book

There are two reasons for being different–and there’s a symmetry to this.

Reason one is to make sure that you’re not the same.

Reason two is noticing that something is not as effective as it once was and deciding to evolve.

When I started writing books years ago, most of them were no more than pamphlets. They were desperately in need of editing because, like most ‘scribers,’ I overwrite. But I often did not edit them, being young, immature and contending that each word had a divine right for existence.

You see, that piece of difference was nothing but different. It wasn’t helpful, and sometimes my readers got caught up in the confusion of one of my sentences, and found themselves begging for a clause to rescue them.

But one thing I did accomplish was renaming the chapter. It had a long and storied history in literature, but it was ready for retirement. So I asked myself, what are people doing when they read a book? The answer came quickly. Normally, they’re sitting.

So I changed “Chapters” to “Sittings.”

It was a small thing, but I think folks found it endearing, and some other writers have since taken up the banner.

You see, it’s not that my new name is better than the old name.

Sometimes all that matters is that it’s new–instead of being so damn old.

 

 

 

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Biological

Biological: (adj) relating to biology or living organisms.

There are four things that a living organism can do:Dictionary B

  • Survive
  • Evolve
  • Grow
  • Share

When it comes to our species, those who study the human race cannot make up their minds as to what really fuels our engine.

Obviously, when you have a brain that’s far superior to any other creature on Earth, to merely pursue survival is short-sighted to say the least.

But for some reason, we have decided to clump Homo Sapiens in with lions and monkeys, as creatures who are merely engrossed in feeding patterns and pleasure.

I have great respect for biology, since I am a living creature. But I have to admit that I would become very jaded if I didn’t pursue a higher mission than my own comfort.

So what is the correct order?

Well, I happen to believe that if we know that our survival is based upon our willingness to share, then we can grow into the natural evolution.

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Barb

Barb: (n) a cutting remark.Dictionary B

I believe the old adage is, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Of course, that concept is not only optimistic, it is not necessarily beneficial in improving situations and evolving our efforts.

Yet I’m often curious if there is a way to speak without coming across phony or critical. What would that be? Because the truth makes us free. At least, that’s the assertion. But what is the freedom we are granted by the truth?

It all depends on whether the truth arrives with judgment, explanation or merely as comment.

After all, “I don’t like this” is not the same as “I don’t like this and you shouldn’t like it, too” and certainly has no familiarity with, “I don’t like this because God doesn’t like it.”

I think you can actually speak the truth with love, free of barbs, if you don’t have to involve the mob or beseech the Divine as your ally.

If someone loves me, it should be enough for me to say, “I don’t like that.”

  • It doesn’t mean they should stop doing it.
  • It doesn’t mean that the heavens are preparing a hell because of their choices.
  • It means I have a preference.

Here is a factual statement:

I will never be able to share THE truth. All I can do is share MY truth. And my truth consists of the things that edify me, encourage me and make me stronger.

We live in a generation of verbal barbs. Self-righteousness is not limited to religious people, but permeates politics, business and entertainment.

You may feel free to criticize any one of my articles, knowing for certain that I will hear your words and I will learn.

I don’t fear changing my mind. I consider it my advantage to evolve.

Having a brain that can reject nonsense and embrace potential … is truly a confirmation of the divine.

 

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Attain

Attain: (v) to succeed in achieving something that one desires and has worked for.dictionary with letter A

About two decades ago, everyone in America was persistent on finding out what my 5-year goal plan was. What did I want to attain?

Matter of fact, it reached almost cult proportions. People felt it was essential to have a vision for one’s life that spanned the next 5 years.

Honestly, I was greatly amused by the concept.

Considering the fact that I was fully aware that what would happen to me in the next 5 months, 5 weeks, 5 days and even 5 minutes was somewhat beyond my control, I found it a bit foolish to presumptuously plan 60 months in advance.

Yet in that time period, I was considered odd–perhaps irresponsible to not mix the Kool-Aid.

There were three things that happened to those individuals who followed the “strait and narrow” of the 5-year goal plan:

  1. Life immediately objected to their format.

(Apparently they didn’t include life in the meeting to draft the proposal, and life was rather gleeful about dashing their dreams.)

  1. 5-year goal plans often contradict other 5-year goal plans, creating conflict and confusion.

Yes, what I want to accomplish in 5 years may rob you of a couple of years of satisfaction.

  1. Those who persisted in this philosophy also found they had to make a choice: do I evolve with life, or do I dig my heels in and insist on requiring my demands?

It was messy business, and I will tell you that fortunately, only a small handful of ardent followers still remain.

But if you run across one, and he or she asks you what your 5-year goal plan is, respond this way:

“I plan on taking the next 5 years to feverishly work on my 10-year goal plan.”

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Adversity

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adversity: (n) difficulties, misfortune: e.g. resilience in the face of adversity

Excuses.

Matter of fact, you could stack adversity up with other made-up concepts, like trials, tribulations, difficulty, hassle and even temptation.

These are not real words. They’re lamentations moaned into the darkness by people who have run away, scared of the reality of this thing called life.

  • If things did not get edgy, we would never change.
  • If there were no challenge to our ideas, we would refuse to evolve.
  • And if life only threw softballs, we could never get into the big leagues.

Adversity is one of those words which is used to explain why we fail to show up for the gig. It is a whiny screech from the soul who has lost confidence in his or her own ability or faith.

Now, I am not unsympathetic to the condition–I frequently visit that defeated profile. But I never get OUT of the dismal dunes by being accommodated or having someone express empathy for my plight. That just doesn’t help.

In case you didn’t know, here’s the way it works:

  1. We decide to be creative and change our lives.
  2. Those around us are uncomfortable with change so they discourage us.
  3. We persevere.
  4. A society that despises perseverance attempts to throw roadblocks in our way to keep us from moving ahead of the crowd.
  5. We inch our way forward.
  6. Bigger bears come out of the woods, attempting to scare us away from our own joy and prosperity.
  7. We stare the bears down.

Look at that process carefully. This is how every piece of excellence has been achieved throughout the history of humankind, whether you’re talking about the introduction of fire into the caveman’s life, civil rights, light bulbs, computers or adding cheese to macaroni to create a new side dish.

Adversity is what small-minded people do to stop big ideas. It has many names, but the mantra is always the same: why don’t we just leave well enough alone?

If you object and want to try to revive hope, faith and love … brace yourself for adversity.

Adjust

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adjust (v): alter or move slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance or result

“Adjust” is to “evolve” what “wisdom” is to “intelligence.”

In other words, if you’re waiting for our species to evolve to more enlightened places or to grow gills so we can swim in the ocean, it is likely you won’t be around for the experience.

So I don’t know why people even TALK about evolution. After all, the best we can do is adjust. Not evolve.

Having been a fat man all my life, I find that it’s impossible for me to evolve into a slender fellow. I work very hard to make sure that my children are not carrying the destructive tendency of obesity, but for me, everything is about adjusting.

  • Adjusting my food choices.
  • Adjusting my calorie intake.
  • Adjusting some exercise into the mix.
  • And also adjusting an awareness of my mortality so I can keep a sense of humor about my prospects.

So while the rest of the world discusses the theory of evolution (which none of us actually can see unfold within our own lifetime) what we should be fostering is the art of adjusting.

What have I adjusted to in my lifetime?

In my lifetime, blacks and whites have become equal. They weren’t before.

In my lifetime, women have been allowed to discuss their rights without ridicule.

In my lifetime, we have made adjustments in medicine, to learn how to control conditions that used to kill people in a very few short years.

In my lifetime, gas has gone from 39 cents to $3.90 cents a gallon.

You see, not ALL adjustments are pretty, nor are all of them proven to be historically necessary. But we do the best we can.

And hopefully, if we continue to believe in free will, creativity and keep a sense of good cheer about ourselves and others, our adjustments may just take us to the passage that will not only help us understand ourselves … but begin to embrace the heart of God.