Currency

Currency: (n) something that is used as a medium of exchange; money.

Respect the buck and the buck won’t stop.

That’s what I believe.

American currency is very simple.

The one-dollar bill.

Keep a bunch of ’em around. They’re nice when you want to pick up an impetuous purchase like a candy bar. They’re also magnificent for giving to people on the street.

Here’s a suggestion: Out of each paycheck, take about twenty-five or thirty of those onsies, keep them in your pocket and find as many unique experiences as you can for passing them on, bidding them a fine journey.

Then there’s the five dollar bill.

The five-dollar bill is born to be “walleted.”

It is the price you’re willing to pay for a repair in your house without looking up too much information on the Internet.

It is a great currency to give to young people under the age of ten—for they still think it’s mucho money, appreciate it, and you can buy their love (which is what you wanted in the first place).

Also, it is a great piece of tender because Abraham Lincoln will allow you to bet him anywhere in Las Vegas—as long as you don’t move up to…

Yes.

The ten-dollar bill.

This has Alexander Hamilton upon it—which is perfect! Hamilton was one of those careful types, fearful that the United States would be cursed with bad credit if there weren’t some sort of organized National Bank. His critics were frightened that such an institution might squeeze the populace. (Thank God that never happened.)

And don’t you think Mr. Hamilton is perfect for gasoline? He will really take you places.

He’s also a great bill to use for an offering at a church or charity. Ten dollars is not chintzy, like the fiver might be—and since we don’t have a fifteen-dollar-bill, not as expensive as Andy Jackson.

The twenty.

Andrew’s currency is terrific for making loans to people you know will never pay you back. Contrary to popular opinion, you are able to assist friends and family with what they call a loan as long as it never exceeds twenty dollars. And if they know this from the outset, they won’t bother you if it’s more than a Jackson. And if they do borrow it and never bring it back, well, hell. It’s just twenty dollars. (And every once in a while, when the moon is blue, they might just pay you back.)

Now, all the other brethren of bills should be kept in the bank.

Why?

Because you’ll spend them on things you don’t necessarily need, but you insanely want to purchase because you’re carrying a fifty-dollar-bill or a hundred-dollar-bill on you.

I know there is additional currency.

Five hundred. A thousand. Perhaps others.

But most of the people reading this article will not have much contact with them.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Crude

Crude: (adj) lacking culture, refinement, tact

The reason the Golden Rule is so glimmering is that it involves us in each situation by requesting that we consider how we would feel if we were placed in the dilemma. Of course, you don’t have to do that.

No one is being executed for breaking the Golden Rule.

(Dare I say, there are some folks who would applaud you for ignoring it.)

But it reminds me of when I was a teenager in search of adventure in a community that may once have been a one-horse town but ended up selling the nag.

I usually got the car on Saturday nights.

Gasoline was cheap. So I drove around for a long time until I picked up a friend or two. Then we went out and tried to get in just enough trouble that we could escape at the last moment, giving us the exhilaration of danger without the repercussions.

There was a lake right outside the town. I discovered a small, unpaved road that went right alongside the bank of this body of water for about a mile—with bumps, foliage and a sense of “what’s going to happen next?” in every direction.

The road was precarious and scary

After a mile it opened up to gravel, climbing an embankment and placed me onto a well-traveled highway.

We were so thrilled with our adventure that night, we decided to bring along a couple of girls the next Saturday night and do it again. Being adolescents and not having well-formed brains, we failed to recognize the ramifications of the huge rainstorm that occurred in the middle of the week.

So on Saturday night, all four of us, in my Impala, headed down toward this deserted path, only to discover that once we were about a quarter of a mile into the excursion, the region that had once been bumpy, with holes, was now flooded.

There was no way to back up, so stupidly, I decided to go forward into the watery muck.

And, you guessed it—got stuck.

This incident happened long before Triple A and cell phones existed. We realized that unless somebody was going to walk back to civilization, which was about five miles, we were going to have to get out of this predicament on our own. (This included the young ladies who had come along for a lark, and now were on the deck of the Titanic.)

It took an hour of pushing, rocking, splashing, our clothes completely mud-splattered, to get free, but finally we escaped and were safely on the highway again.

It was crude.

For you see, crude is often that pursuit of adventure or comedy that soon must go too far to provide entertainment.

Crude is failing to use your sensibility and sensitivity to provide a safe haven for your friends to come and enjoy your fellowship.

Crude is forgetting the better parts of being a human and settling for jungle fever.

Crude is when, for some reason or another, we just decide to be a rude dude.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C


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Century

Century: (n) a period of one hundred years.

I have lived in two centuries.

Matter of fact, most of what we hold dear, precious, valuable and true has occurred in my lifespan.

For instance:

From my birth to the present day, we have transported our emotions from bigotry to “Oh, my God. We’re bigots.”

We have gone from cars using gasoline to cars using gasoline but us feeling kind of guilty about it.

We have traveled from medicine believing it has the answer to some things to medicine being quite certain it has the answer to everything.

We have spanned the generation gap by explaining that psychologically, such a chasm is necessary.

We have gone to the moon, but can’t really get back there so we insist “we’re not really interested in space.”

We have flown from an era when women were treated as inferiors, encouraged to stay in the home, to a time when women insist they’re not inferior because they stay in the home.

We have progressed our technology to the point of inefficiency.

We have improved our diplomacy by continuing the threat of nuclear war.

We have addressed racism by giving it an abundance of names.

We have handled the Golden Rule by simply refusing to go to church.

And we have defined tolerance by secretly alienating humans instead of publicly insisting on separated bathrooms.

Progress is made when the human heart is tapped, confirming that we have a soul. Once we feel that our soul has some eternal journey, our brain can be trained to be more generous.

Then acts of kindness seem logical instead of magnanimous.

 

 

 

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Bonfire

Bonfire: (n) a large open-air fire

As the president of my Junior Class in high school, I was constantly being challenged by the adult advisors to be “more active” or come up with creative ideas.Dictionary B

I was perplexed.

After all, I thought I had done quite a bit in succeeding to get the majority of the votes from a bunch of fickle sixteen-year-old classmates.

But the grownup dictators didn’t see it that way. They expected results. One of their favorite words was “initiative.” (To this day, I refuse to use it.)

So during football season I brainstormed and decided that before our homecoming game, we would have a bonfire out near the football field, and cheer, celebrate and do whatever one does in front of such a blaze.

My thought was, “You just burn stuff.”

Well, it became problematic. What were we gonna burn? I had a chemistry book I was willing to donate, but others thought it would be better to take some of the leaves which were freshly fallen, pine needles prevalent in the area, and branches, and pile them up together to ignite the inferno.

But it was difficult to get started.

So since I was the leader of the Junior Class, I suggested gasoline. Before it could be approved by an adult, we doused all of our flammables in the fluid and lit it.

It was three hours before the bonfire was supposed to take place, and basically we burned up all of our stuff in about twenty minutes. What we had left might be referred to as a bon-ash.

Realizing this would not have much appeal, we scurried around town to find more stuff to put on the second fire and finally accumulated enough trash that when the student body arrived, we lit it once again (this time without gasoline) and everybody gathered around.

Well, considering this was Ohio in September, it was a little chilly. People were already in coats. So when a hundred folks gathered around a blazing fire in their coats, the sweat began to flow, and what was intended to be a pleasurable or intriguing experience turned into a journey to the sauna of hell.

Everybody started to complain, backing away from the fire. Some girls were crying, and all the adults turned to me, seeking my leadership on what to do next.

I shall always remember the experience as a perfect example of over-reaching.

I can truthfully tell you, it was nothing more than the bonfire of my vanity.

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Berserk

Berserk: (adj) out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied.

Dictionary B

Calm down.

I find myself saying that, thinking that and praying that incessantly in today’s environment of erratic behavior, showcased by overwrought promotion.

I like excitement.

But a world that feels the necessity to stimulate interest by standing in a dark tanker, lighting a match to read the sign that says, “Gasoline,” is opening the door to explosive results.

There are too many oddities, nervous twitches and borderline personalities on our planet to permit us to encourage bizarre behavior by over-selling.

Terrorists killed people in Brussels. It is a horrible thing–but it is what terrorists do.

What is an adequate response to such an atrocity? I’m not sure–but I don’t think berserk is honorable.

We’re trying to select a President for the United States. It is a serious decision.

Yet I think going berserk and exposing the underbelly of the American political system is unwarranted.

Somewhere along the line, we have to learn how to “measure out:”

  • If we measure out mercy, we obtain mercy.
  • If we measure out common sense, we open the door to more tender exchanges.

But if we measure out berserk and give it a microphone, platform and poster, we more than likely will reap ... a harvest of crazies.

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Aldrin, Buzz

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Aldrin, Buzz: (1930- ) U.S. Astronaut who walked in space for 5 hours and 37 minutes during the 1966 Gemini 12 mission. In 1969 he took part in the first moon landing, becoming the second person, after Neil Armstrong, to set foot on the moon.

Perhaps he acquired his nickname because he was selected to play a bee in the second-grade play, Spring is Sprung, personifying the emergence of Nature for another year.

Yes, maybe that’s why they call him “Buzz.”

Or maybe it’s because he has a penchant for snoring and the sound that emotes from his nostrils is best described as a “buzz.”

Then I had a thought that he got this name, Buzz, because of the haircut he sported, which at one time or another, has been referred to as a “buzz cut.”

Maybe he was just the kind of guy who liked to drive around town waving at people, making it known that he had a car and could afford gasoline–just “buzzing about.”

I was thinking that when he was a young boy doing pranks, he might have been one of those kids who rang people’s doorbell, and then disappeared quickly–a “buzzer.”

Another idea: maybe he played basketball and was known for making the winning goal just before the clock ran out, “beating the buzzer.”

I’m not sure how he got the name Buzz.

Maybe it’s because he buzzed around the moon and stopped off to take a brief stroll before heading back home.


Adjust

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adjust (v): alter or move slightly in order to achieve the desired fit, appearance or result

“Adjust” is to “evolve” what “wisdom” is to “intelligence.”

In other words, if you’re waiting for our species to evolve to more enlightened places or to grow gills so we can swim in the ocean, it is likely you won’t be around for the experience.

So I don’t know why people even TALK about evolution. After all, the best we can do is adjust. Not evolve.

Having been a fat man all my life, I find that it’s impossible for me to evolve into a slender fellow. I work very hard to make sure that my children are not carrying the destructive tendency of obesity, but for me, everything is about adjusting.

  • Adjusting my food choices.
  • Adjusting my calorie intake.
  • Adjusting some exercise into the mix.
  • And also adjusting an awareness of my mortality so I can keep a sense of humor about my prospects.

So while the rest of the world discusses the theory of evolution (which none of us actually can see unfold within our own lifetime) what we should be fostering is the art of adjusting.

What have I adjusted to in my lifetime?

In my lifetime, blacks and whites have become equal. They weren’t before.

In my lifetime, women have been allowed to discuss their rights without ridicule.

In my lifetime, we have made adjustments in medicine, to learn how to control conditions that used to kill people in a very few short years.

In my lifetime, gas has gone from 39 cents to $3.90 cents a gallon.

You see, not ALL adjustments are pretty, nor are all of them proven to be historically necessary. But we do the best we can.

And hopefully, if we continue to believe in free will, creativity and keep a sense of good cheer about ourselves and others, our adjustments may just take us to the passage that will not only help us understand ourselves … but begin to embrace the heart of God.