Tag Archives: children

Beloved

Beloved: (adj) dearly loved.

Dictionary B

I didn’t like the script so I’ve written my own play.

The script provided for me by the American culture says I should really love those people who love me, who are attached to me, or who were spawned from my seed. The rest of the world is supposed to be viewed with various contortions of suspicion.

I found the premise for this theatrical presentation of “Life on Earth” to be boring, short-sighted, and lacking in plot twists to grant a thrill.

Somewhere along the line, mankind, humankind, or whatever-kind needs to become beloved to me.

This does not mean that everyone I meet will curry my favor, but it does promote the idea that if I start off viewing all women as my sisters, all men as my brothers and all children as my immediate kin, I have a much better chance of being valuable to the world than if I close off membership in my circle to the tiny ring I call friends.

Then, if I do run across those who are not very brotherly, sisterly or childlike, I can give myself a great gift: avoid them.

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Bellow

Bellow: (v) to emit a deep loud roar, typically in pain or anger.

Dictionary B

I do not really want to hear what you have to say about how you hear what I have to say.

That’s the truth.

All my ways seem right to me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t do them because then I would have to admit I was wrong. That also can be very painful.

But somewhere along this journey we call life, we have to realize that we are not alone and our opinions not only fail to be superior, but in many cases, are insignificant.

I may have a conversation with my children, my friends or my partners in business and feel that I have a completely rational tone, filled with reasonable proposals. Yet if I asked them what they are hearing, they will explain that they feel intimidated, criticized and even might perceive my approach to be “bellowing.”

In response to their accusations, I bellow, “I am not bellowing!”

I’m not so sure what ultimate maturity is supposed to look like. I’m not positive that I understand all aspects of human relationships, or even could write a decent pamphlet on the subject.

But I know this:

If another human being tells me that they hear me bellowing at them, attacking them or expressing displeasure in their direction, the only way to ever maintain that friendship is to listen to what they are proposing … and at least consider that the volume coming back my way is much less than what they’re hearing.

 

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Began

Dictionary BBegan: past tense of begin

If you acknowledge the source, you can avoid remorse.

Even though it’s very popular to talk about how to begin, the celebration is much more powerful if we first commemorate how we got to where we are now.

Yes, our “begin” is much more efficient if we laud our “began.” May I explain?

I began several years ago to stop being so fussy about trying to get my personal avenue in life. Yes, I have preferences. No one cares. Lamenting their apathy only makes me aggravated and grouchy. So I began to take care of myself and not require that others do it for me.

A decade ago, I began to be self-critical about my projects instead of waiting for the criticism of others. I would much rather be overly analytical of my personal affairs rather than having to recoil from critique.

I began to realize that financial responsibility is not optional.

I began to give independence to my children, so they could have a life separate from their allegiance to my fatherhood.

I began to talk less and think more.

I began to celebrate that intervention by problems is the only way to coax innovation.

I began to begin.

And in beginning … I can now celebrate what I began.

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Beet

Beet: (n) an edible root that is typically dark red, spherical and eaten as a vegetable.Dictionary B

We have a tendency to prefer things above ground to things that are in the ground.

In other words, we like apples better than beets. Apples grow on trees from pretty stems and beets dwell in the dirt.

It’s just the way we are.

Sometimes I feel that analyzing human behavior is an exercise in futility which can only make you feel desperate or self-righteous. So here’s what I’ve learned to do:

Since beets have a texture which is halfway between a potato and a pear, and they are as sweet to the taste as any plum, I just served them to my kids.

They were naturally frightened at first.

Matter of fact, they looked askance in my direction, as if I was attempting to poison them or make them outcasts from the general population of “kiddom.” After all, how would they ever be able to admit to their friends that they had consumed a beet?

I did explain to them that beets are used to make sugar, so that means they come from a sweet place. And I made sure to place the beets next to a hot dog dish of their favoring.

So to some degree, I think my children learned to enjoy beets, or at least tolerate them when they found themselves dining in my proximity.

For after all, you have to admire a food which has to dig its way out of the ground to land on a dinner plate. Many such organisms having humble beginnings just decide to die in their earthen homes.

Not the beet.

It is prepared to be consumed and relished by anyone who is willing to consider something … a little “off-beet.”

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Bashful

Bashful: (adj) reluctant to draw attention to oneself; shyDictionary B

My Aunt Marjorie was the mistress of left-handed compliments.

Some of my favorites:

“Well, that little boy certainly has a lot of energy.”

Translation: “Can’t you keep your damn brat under control?”

“Your casserole is nice and salty.”

Translation: “I will not eat it for fear of kidney failure.”

“Those black people sure can jump.”

Translation: “Must be because they’re really not people.”

And of course, the one I heard over and over again. She would look me in the eye and say, “Well, you’re sure not bashful.”

Translation? “Sit down, shut up and let somebody else suck up some air in the room.”

Likewise, I have often asked children to tell me their names, had them hide behind their Mama’s skirt, as Mother proclaimed, “Oh, they’re just bashful.”

Shall we get something completely straight? All human beings are terrified–and if they aren’t, they’re probably mentally ill.

The prospect of being placed in the spotlight is not warming, but causes us to break out in a sweat.

And knowing that we’re responsible for our actions is enough to make us permanently inactive.

Bashful is not an emotional choice or a personality type–it’s an unfortunate profile that we occasionally find ourselves stuck behind because we do not feel prepared to function in the present situation.

Even though we insist that some people are introverts, we live in an extroverted world, where the squirrels who are too timid to hunt for nuts go nuts–as they starve to death.

Bashful is not a curse I would place upon anyone–it is the fear which forbids us from finding out exactly how far we can actually go.

 

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Ban

Ban: (v) to officially or legally prohibit.Dictionary B

You can’t take away from people what God gave them.

This is true even if you feel you are morally supported, spiritually justified, ethically infused or intellectually motivated.

We would have much happier lives if we would understand that our sphere of influence does not have authority outside the circle of our heart.

So you may ask, what has God given to people?

Free will.

I think the reason that many folks believe in destiny is because they can cast onto God their distaste for the world around them. In other words, if they don’t like people with blue hair or brown eyes, they can insist that God also has predestined, from the foundations of the world, severe punishment for these individuals.

But when you submit to free will, you understand that God considers it to be supreme above all commandments.

After all, even though God loves the world, He neither gets offended nor kills people off when they don’t love Him back.

So when we attempt to ban anything and forbid its continuation, we will generally fail because it removes free will from other human beings, which God insists they should have.

  • So how can we have a righteous world if we don’t preach righteousness?
  • How can we have morality if it’s not enforced?
  • And how can we keep our children safe from evil if it’s allowed to roam the Earth?

The answer is easy.

We can’t.

 

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Bake

Bake: (v) to cook food by dry heat, typically in an ovenDictionary B

It’s not easy to feed seven people–three adults and four children who ranged in age from 8 to 14. Yet for a particular season, this was my station in life.

The similarities in taste among these individuals were minimal. So trying to come up with an entrée nightly which was simple to fix and acceptable for consumption by the persnickety clientele was a Herculean task.

After a while, I decided to prepare foods that were pleasant for me to do and reasonable to purchase. “Since satisfying the masses is impossible, let us budget our time and our money.”

And it fell my lot as the dad of this particular group to cook since the two ladies of the household approached the subject as if they were discerning hieroglyphics.

One of my favorite things to prepare was baked chicken.

First of all, I purchased it in ten-pound bags, which cost about five dollars, and then placed it on two baking sheets, salted and peppered the tops and stuck them into the oven at 375 degrees for about an hour.

As you probably know, how long you cook a chicken is very important. If it’s undercooked, it is not only gross, but also threatens to kill you with salmonella. If it’s overcooked, it gets mushy–like it belongs in a jar of baby food.

Yet the skin, turning a golden brown, is not only fattening, but a true delicacy.

My children grew to hate baked chicken–and if you asked them about it today, I’m sure one or more would shudder.

It wasn’t baked chicken every night, but certainly the bird was put to the flame at least twice a week.

So that my children would not grow up frightened of an oven and what it bakes, I occasionally pulled out of the magic box homemade cookies and things like that, so that they would not end up fearing all things baked.

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Aristocracy

dictionary with letter A

Aristocracy: (n) the highest class in certain societies, especially those holding hereditary titles or offices.

“All men are created equal.” (And that would also include women.)

The recent American interpretation of this Jeffersonian precept has become: “All men and women are kings and queens who have birthed little princes and princesses.”

As we continue to foster the notion that “family is everything,” we have begun to establish millions and millions of little castles all across our land, where people drive across the drawbridge, over the moat, and into their domain where they believe they rule and reign.

The trouble with believing that all people are aristocracy, equally worthy of wealth and fame, is that we don’t have any serfs.

In other words, we don’t have anybody who lives outside the castle who understands the nature of the land, can grow a good crop and has the intelligence to fix the plow when it breaks.

In the pursuit of self-esteem, we have completely obliterated self-awareness.

For example, I have a lovely family, but I have also made it clear to them that there are no kings and queens, and therefore no princes and princesses in our little fiefdom.

So because of this, my children have learned that there’s a time to become a serf to everyone.

  • There are occasions when workers are required, not thinkers.
  • There are moments when digging is better than planning.
  • And there are times when self-worth must be laid aside because the task feels like it’s beneath us.

The aristocracy in our country has caused us to cease to be interested in menial jobs, and at the same time, persecute those who are willing to work them.

This is exactly what happened in the Middle Ages, when those who lived in the castles, who survived on the work of the serfs, mistreated and taxed them so heavily that the whole idea fell apart.

Yes, it truly can be said that the feudal system is … a futile system.

 

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Arcade

dictionary with letter A

Arcade: (n) short for video arcade

In 1985, the average babysitter cost about two dollars an hour. Usually an additional dollar was added for each child you encumbered upon the hapless watcher.

So I had three children, and that meant I would be paying four dollars an hour to have them observed by a stranger for a certain length of time so that I could escape and regain my sanity.

What I discovered was that it became much cheaper to drop the three of them off at the new, popular video arcades with a roll of quarters, tell them to spend it wisely and that I would be back in three hours.

The arcade was a tremendous babysitter–sometimes literally a hundred machines captivating the interest of the youngsters, with no sharp edges, tobacco or alcohol temptation or any danger that they might pursue mischief instead of destroying asteroids.

It was truly amazing.

I will grant you that they would come back from this experience in more or less a catatonic state of wonderment over when the next time would arrive, when they would be allowed to enter the mystical world of imaginary enemies and victories.

But it was quite pleasant due to the fact that it was a place your offspring could go which was separate from your home, and then they would depart and you could gradually nurse them back to consciousness of eating, chores and bathing.

When these systems became portable and could be planted in your house, the whole procedure changed. Once a child was addicted to video games, all conversation ceased, meals were ignored and the idea of cleaning one’s room was eschewed in the pursuit of killing Gargons.

 

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Apex

dictionary with letter A

Apex: (n.) the top or highest point.

“Getting high.”

It’s too bad that phrase has been sullied by the drug culture, because it is so rich in truth and promise.

Everything in life has an apex, even though we often settle for the valley.

  • The apex of politics is a decision to be responsive to the needs of the people instead of chasing their whims.
  • The apex of the military is to convey a strength which discourages our enemies instead of using new weapons to experiment with their lethal carnage.
  • The apex of friendship is really honesty–having someone in your life who will tell you when your breath is bad.
  • The apex of spirituality is “love your neighbor as yourself” instead of debating “who is my neighbor?”
  • The apex of education is infusing knowledge which is workable to the student who wants to go out and pursue a craft.
  • The apex of sexuality is mutual pleasure.
  • The apex of finance is having enough for your needs, a little for your desire, and the balance to help others.
  • The apex of athleticism is the payoff of being in shape, whether you win the trophy or not.
  • The apex of commerce is to make a decent profit while feeling soul-satisfaction because you’ve delivered a quality product.
  • The apex of parenting is seeing the good parts of yourself in your children and allowing them to rebel against the bad.
  • And the apex of faith is working towards having the will of God done on Earth instead continually speculating on heaven.

I am in favor of getting high–just not chemically induced.

For finding the apex in life may be the true definition of “the high road.”

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