Tag Archives: delinquent

Accrue

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accrue: (v.) to be received by someone in regular or increasing amounts over time: e.g. financial benefits will accrue from restructuring.

THAT’S not the way the word’s used.

Sneaky, Mr. Webster! Trying to make us believe that the word “accrue” can be positive! WE know when the word “accrue” is used–it’s when we’re late on our credit card payment or our mortgage and we are warned that because of our tardiness, our account will accrue more interest.

“Accrue” is a THREAT.

It is a reminder that our temporary station of poverty is being downgraded with further poverty because we DARED to have some sort of ungodly lacking.

So in an ongoing attempt to remain an energizing force instead of a constant sapping off of the great American legacy, I suggest that we find ways to accrue interest … in ourselves. (You see the play on words? Not that it’s particularly clever, but it is sufficient for this twenty-four-hour period.)

How can I accrue interest from the world around me? Here are five really quick suggestions which will take you from being an ignored deduction to being a possible asset:

1. Stop complaining. Immediately that puts you in the upper percentile of the human family. You’ll get better tables at restaurants, better service at dry cleaners. Your family will start listening to you because there’s a possibility of something positive being said instead of abstract grumpiness.

2. Do what you say. Be careful with this one. Intelligence will demand that you speak less often so as not to have to back up your words. But once you have boldly made a proclamation, go ahead and put in the effort.

3. Stop thinking you’re better than anybody else. Even if you privately do hold these feelings, don’t publicly take out an ad on Craig’s List. When human beings are convinced that you are willing to be equal with them rather than superior, they are much more likely to cooperate–and much less likely to rob and kill you.

4. Don’t talk about politics or religion. It’s better to let your beliefs bear fruit and your political ideas prove out to be helpful to the surrounding problem.

5. And finally, keep growing. Don’t settle for your talent as it is. A certain amount of deterioration is inevitable in our earth span in order to confirm depreciation. If you’re not always moving forward and multiplying your abilities, you will gradually “deduct” in spite of your denials.

There you go. There are five ways to accrue interest without getting a phone call from a condescending telemarketer from India who mispronounces your name and threatens you with all sorts of penalties.

I was determined to turn “accrue” into a positive force of nature instead of a negative curse from financial institutions. I don’t know about you, but in the process of me accruing interest from the humans around me, I might just end up not having to accrue interest on delinquent accounts.

I’m not sure–but it’s worth a try.

Acciaccatura

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acciaccatura: (n) a grace note performed as quickly as possible before an essential note of a melody, and falling before the beat

I play piano.

I have played it since I was a kid. There were some intervals in my life when I ceased to pound the keys because I thought it was “wussy” or girl-like. But when I realized that chicks LIKE to hear guys play the piano, I reinstated my talent.

Now, when I say I play the piano, by no means am I suggesting that I am great–but rather, have discovered a proficiency which can imitate greatness in the presence of those more forgiving.

One of the things about playing the piano–it demands both hands. If you think about it, there are not a whole lot of things we humans do with two our hands cooperating with each other, and if you’re not aware of it, your right hand and left hand are a lot like feuding brother and sister, who do not see life in the same light.

So occasionally when moving from one chord to another, a dragging finger will linger too long on a note which has absolutely nothing to do with the proposed plan. If you’re lucky, this delinquent digit will not stay long enough to create a discordant sound. But if you’re not … apparently we have a word for it.

Acciaccatura.

Now, I’m sure that some musical snobs would insist that this particular notation in the musical score is purposeful and meaningful. I will not argue with them. But in a pinch, it’s really nice when you’ve accidentally hit a note that was NOT meant to be, but have gotten off of it very quickly–to plead “acciaccatura.”

I think it would be wonderful if all of our mistakes could be spoken away in Italian.

“La-boo-boo.” What do you think of that one?

“Screwaniniuppo.” It definitely sounds better, doesn’t it?

And I, for one, am not going to rail against those who come up with clever phrasing to explain away occasional human flaws and errors. So the next time you hear me play the piano and you perceive a note which might be misplaced, please realize that I have just performed … an acciaccatura.