by J. R. Practix
Accrue: (v.) to be received by someone in regular or increasing amounts over time: e.g. financial benefits will accrue from restructuring.
THAT’S not the way the word’s used.
Sneaky, Mr. Webster! Trying to make us believe that the word “accrue” can be positive! WE know when the word “accrue” is used–it’s when we’re late on our credit card payment or our mortgage and we are warned that because of our tardiness, our account will accrue more interest.
“Accrue” is a THREAT.
It is a reminder that our temporary station of poverty is being downgraded with further poverty because we DARED to have some sort of ungodly lacking.
So in an ongoing attempt to remain an energizing force instead of a constant sapping off of the great American legacy, I suggest that we find ways to accrue interest … in ourselves. (You see the play on words? Not that it’s particularly clever, but it is sufficient for this twenty-four-hour period.)
How can I accrue interest from the world around me? Here are five really quick suggestions which will take you from being an ignored deduction to being a possible asset:
1. Stop complaining. Immediately that puts you in the upper percentile of the human family. You’ll get better tables at restaurants, better service at dry cleaners. Your family will start listening to you because there’s a possibility of something positive being said instead of abstract grumpiness.
2. Do what you say. Be careful with this one. Intelligence will demand that you speak less often so as not to have to back up your words. But once you have boldly made a proclamation, go ahead and put in the effort.
3. Stop thinking you’re better than anybody else. Even if you privately do hold these feelings, don’t publicly take out an ad on Craig’s List. When human beings are convinced that you are willing to be equal with them rather than superior, they are much more likely to cooperate–and much less likely to rob and kill you.
4. Don’t talk about politics or religion. It’s better to let your beliefs bear fruit and your political ideas prove out to be helpful to the surrounding problem.
5. And finally, keep growing. Don’t settle for your talent as it is. A certain amount of deterioration is inevitable in our earth span in order to confirm depreciation. If you’re not always moving forward and multiplying your abilities, you will gradually “deduct” in spite of your denials.
There you go. There are five ways to accrue interest without getting a phone call from a condescending telemarketer from India who mispronounces your name and threatens you with all sorts of penalties.
I was determined to turn “accrue” into a positive force of nature instead of a negative curse from financial institutions. I don’t know about you, but in the process of me accruing interest from the humans around me, I might just end up not having to accrue interest on delinquent accounts.
I’m not sure–but it’s worth a try.