Crimp: (v) to check, restrain, or inhibit; hinder

Crimper.

Crimping.

Crimped.

The average person spends an awful lot of their waking hours trying to recover from feeling crimped.

Here’s how it works:

Arriving at the parking lot for work, you’re about to pull into the space when someone pulls in right before you. This is the crimper. He is crimping you. But you do not understand that he is doing this because yesterday the same thing happened to him and he ended up crimped.

Now, he stored up that frowning crimped position, and when the opportunity arrived on this day, he decided to turn into the crimper, so that he would not be the victim of crimping and end up crimped again.

As you can well imagine, this can start out small but end up with world powers possessing nuclear weapons which can destroy the Earth many times over.

Yes, even world leaders can turn into crimpers who are crimping one another, and one of them who is crimped has had his or her fill of it and does some button pushing. So this weary, frustrated victim decides to turn himself into a crimper and leave our beautiful Earth crumped.

This is not only plausible—it is unfortunately likely. What must we do to escape such a great demolition? Here’s an idea:

On your way to work, stop and make your peace with the possibilities.

Evaluate them. Example:

“If I actually find a great parking place, it would be miraculous. If I found a good parking place, it still would be outstanding. If I find a parking place and someone steals it from me, my best way of getting even is to pretend I didn’t even notice. But rather than becoming a victim of crimping, I will take the time to drive around the parking lot twice. First, to make sure I don’t feel crimped and secondly, just maybe a parking spot will come open even closer than the one I wanted. And the guy or gal who stole mine will have to walk by me on his or her way into the building.”

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