Couple

Couple: (n) two persons considered as joined together

How do you become a couple?

Can you be a couple without coupling?

Because once people think you are coupling, they will assume you’ve coupled. Is it merely a sexual term?funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Can’t be.

The manager walks in and says, “I need a couple of people to help me unload this truck.” Normally, the two that end up doing the job don’t necessarily have goo-goo eyes for each other.

It’s one of those ambiguous words Americans use that sometimes means nothing, and other times, connotes with a wink that something might be going on.

“I think they might be a couple,” she said with a smirk.

Yet in a very few months, we will end up with a couple of people running for President—and neither one of them would ever be caught smooching the other.

So couples can be sexy, couples can be utilitarian, and couples can be bitter enemies.

For instance, a couple of dictators bombed each other until their countries turned into dust.

Matter of fact, some of you might have thought, as you read this essay, that I should have sat down and waited for a couple of ideas.


Donate Button


Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

Good News and Better News

 

Coleslaw

Coleslaw: (n) sliced raw cabbage mixed with mayonnaise and other vegetables

I’ve actually only seen one person ever eat three-bean salad. It appears at pot luck dinners and buffets before my eyes, but I never have the courage to spoon it out.

I do like potato salad. Not too much mustard.

I always favored macaroni salad–mainly because it’s the most unhealthy of the existing sides at a picnic, so of course, I feel compelled to
gorge.

Coleslaw has always been a tough one for me. Eating sweetened, raw cabbage by itself just doesn’t seem to ring my bell.

Now, if I’ve got a hamburger or a hot dog nearby, I’ll use it as a sophisticated dipping sauce. Or if I’m making a sandwich, dribbling some coleslaw on it can be delightful.

But just to sit down and consume a small bowl of coleslaw always makes me feel as if the world has ended, the bomb exploded, and this was the last bit of edible food on the planet. So after seven days of starvation, I finally decided to consume it. (Well, that’s a little dramatic.)

Some people swear by their coleslaw. I have sworn at it. (Not really, but once again, sounded clever.)

I’m sure if I sat down and listened to a promoter or an evangelist for coleslaw, they could explain to me the saving graces.

But for me, I like it best with a nice roast beef and provolone cheese sandwich, smearing the coleslaw over the top–ala mayonnaise.

Donate Button

 

Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

Good News and Better News

 

Bomb

Bomb: (n) a container designed to explode on impact

A red woodpecker.Dictionary B

I can close my eyes and envision such a creature. Maybe it’s because as a kid I watched “Woody the Woodpecker.”

A sirloin steak covered with mushroom gravy with a side order of garlic shrimp.

That’s easy for me to imagine. I have experience. I have eaten all of these foods.

A moist kiss on the lips with a mixture of musky breath and a hint of mint.

Once again, all in the annals of my personal history and awareness.

A bomb.

I have no experience.

I have seen more bombings on television than I have red woodpeckers, but because I have no real sense of the horror, the heat, the explosive range and the demolition, I am dealing with an idea rather than a reality.

It is why, when considering our enemies, I choose not to scream with the careless crowd, “Bomb the shit out of them.”

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 


Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

PoHymn cover jon

 

 

Anti-static

dictionary with letter A

Anti-static: (adj) of preventing the presence of static electricity or reducing its effect.

I will ask you in the forefront to please forgive this pensman for taking liberties with this word in order to climb up on my soapbox and postulate.

I know the word “anti-static” refers to electrical currents and the elimination of such activity, but I would like to transfer that notion to the general climate of static which is aggravating the potential sweet hum of peacefulness in our world today.

The Middle East is bound and determined to draw us into a premature Armageddon, so like little brats, we can once and for all prove there is a God by throwing such a severe tantrum that He must come and punish all of His children.

Not for me.

My message to President Obama, Congress and all those who would feel that they can live by the sword without suffering the curse of its blade, is very simple:

We should create a giant box for the Middle East and let them fight it out amongst each other until they grow tired of burying their children.

If we do not do this, the allure of war to please what can only be considered a damnable god, will prompt them, season upon season, to skirmish and hatch new rumors of mayhem.

For after all, we don’t discipline our children by entering into the scuffle and punching it out alongside them. And since we are all children of Earth, it stands to reason that it is ridiculous to try to correct our brothers and sisters by rolling in the dirt with them and trying to lay a haymaker.

So let me present this to you very succinctly:

Since we Americans have the military might and power to bomb the Middle East, might we have the same capability to surround them, refusing anything to go in or come out, and squeeze them with a gigantic world-wide siege, forcing them to the bargaining table, or causing them to no longer to provide food for their dinner table?

That’s right.

Nothing in or out.

Let them fight.

After all, they won’t kill any more than they already have, and if they do, let us realize that their motivation is not nearly as strong to destroy America and Europe as it is to punish their own religious families who don’t submit to every single precept of Koran law.

To do this, of course, we must quickly and intelligently wean ourselves off of the dastardly need for oil which trickles from such scoundrel surroundings.

I cannot honor my country for joining a war that is prophesied to be at the center of the end of the world. Even if you have no interest in the Bible, just consider it bad luck to pursue a faulty logic that places us anywhere near the epicenter of the superstitious conclusion of our planet.

Don’t go there.

We are not going to be able to stop the senseless slaughter because that execution is willed by the leadership of the people we are trying to save.

It is not in our best interest.

Dammit, it’s not in any interest, other than the spiritual ego of maniacs who have forgotten that God looks like people.

The best anti-static for this world is to refuse to leap, hop and jump in the direction of everything that goes bump in the night.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix