Contiguous

Contiguous: (adj) touching; in contact.

 There are forty-eight contiguous states.

This means they’re hooked together on a continent with imaginary, man-made borders affixed between.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

So, in this season of discussing whether we require a wall to protect us from another country, we simultaneously have a problem regarding the social, emotional, prejudicial and cultural walls that have been constructed between our contiguous, allegedly “United” States.

The reason it’s difficult for the members of Congress to get along is not just because of a warring two-party system. It is also because representatives from California are convinced that Congressmen and women from Mississippi, Georgia and Alabama are ignorant. And those who deem themselves from the “Right Coast” are convinced that their brothers and sisters dwelling on the “Left Coast” want to drive the country into a socially distorted and morally ambiguous hell.

Therefore, even though focus seems to be on aliens with questionable activities invading our country, it is actually the friction among the contiguous states that is really generating the atmosphere of hateful tension.


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Congress

Congress: (n) a legislative body

I grew up in the Midwest–not bold enough to “go West, young man,” and not near enough for ‘East of Eden.’

One autumn, a farmer in a nearby town planted too many pumpkins. They were rotting in his field, and released a nasty odor. Since it was nearly deer hunting season, he invited hunters out to his farm, to shoot the pumpkins, to just enjoy the hell out of doing it, so the pumpkins would fly into pieces and be absorbed into the soil.

I don’t know if it was a great idea or not, but everyone was thrilled with pumpkin slaying.

I feel a similar sensation in this day and age as our government–our legislature–our Congress, if you will, has become the token pumpkin that the American funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
people are encouraged to shoot, hoping to eliminate some of its stink.

There is certainly plenty to criticize.

For instance, I once ate a chocolate eclair, and a friend commented to me that the crust was “a little bit dry.” I repeat–IT WAS A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR. But some people complain about the weight of the gold they have to carry to the bank.

Likewise, with the red, white and blue, I’m not so sure any of us are terribly concerned about the progress of our nation. We seem to be empowered by the notion that we can bitch at will while never being criticized for it, or anyone demanding that we explain in detail what our real complaint might be.

The government of the United States has successfully progressed for nearly 250 years. Some hard times. Many decisions.

But we have survived.

We need to isolate the dead parts of the system and surgically remove them without feeling the need to attack the entire frame of Uncle Sam.

That would be an intelligent discussion. That would be valuable.

I will not criticize Congress, nor will I pray for it. Neither profile is productive.

But I will participate in meaningful discussions about why things don’t work–and rather than holding onto tradition, finding ways to make our Congress an actual congress of the mind of the American people.

 


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Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories 'Til Christmas

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Component

Component: (n) a part or element of a larger whole

Bob thinks intelligence is the key. So he studies, but ends up being overbearing with his opinions. Therefore no one can stand him.

Reverend Thompson contends that prayer is the answer but generally speaking is so busy holding seminars on the issue that he misses manyfunny wisdom on words that begin with a C phone calls from those in need.

The man running for Congress insists that political maneuvering is the essential component for a successful run for office, but then discovers there is a lot of lying that accompanies such choreography.

The women’s rights organization feels it is necessary to diminish the role of men in order to gain air for their cause, and after all the arguments are done, they are quietly and privately referred to as “bitches” behind their backs.

On the other hand, the chauvinists are darned tootin’ certain that if we could get back to the “nuclear family,” everything would be all right, as they lead their nervous wives and frightened children into the next over-planned activity.

Everybody thinks they have the component to make our society run more smoothly. Even though I see great worth in many of these efforts, I have found that the best piece to bring to the puzzle–the component that always seems to be needed for any occasion–is a simple splash and dousing of good cheer.

 

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Cocky

Cocky: (adj) conceited or arrogant

If we do not learn the definition of confidence and how it applies to everyday human life, we will continue to be inundated by arrogant thugs, who believe that acting cocky is being prepared.

Cocky is what I think about my ability.

Confidence is Earth weighing in.

I can tell you what I think I can do–but until opportunity comes along for me to prove my assertions, we are merely dealing with the “theory of delusion.”

To some degree I feel we deserve the leadership we get, for in order to give ourselves permission to over-promote, over-state and be cocky, we must allow those who rule over us to exhibit the same pattern of behavior.

Of course, as you will find, the higher you ascend in life’s positions, the more danger there is that your failure to fulfill your promises can be devastating, if not deadly.

In other words, if I say I’m going to clean out the gutters and do not achieve it, we have rainwater awkwardly falling off the roof. However, if Congress, or the President, say they’re going to follow up on a peace treaty and then fail to deliver, we have war.

And one of your loved ones comes home in a box.

May I suggest that we just do away with cocky? I’ve never seen a football team win a game simply because they out-bragged their opponent.

Matter of fact, inwardly we admire people who keep their goddamn mouths shut, have a twinkle in their eye, go into the arena and just flat-out conquer.

What makes us continue to believe that flapping our jaw and thumping our chest is the best preparation for the challenge?

So we end up with leaders, entertainers and even preachers who have more cock than walk.

 

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Cigarette

Cigarette: (n) a thin cylinder of finely cut tobacco rolled in paper for smoking.

If you live long enough you will see nearly everything in your life go through the natural Earth cycle.

It begins with “interesting.”

Then it becomes “cool.”

It passes through a phase of being “plagued with some difficulty.”

Following that comes “seems dangerous.”

And of course, the final step is “lethal.”

It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about. Why don’t we take something that would seem unlikely to apply to this category–like politics?

When the idea of starting a democracy in the New World was tossed on the table for discussion, it was deemed very interesting–so much so that we wrote several documents and put together a club.

After the club got together for a few meetings over some “brews and snuff,” we were enamored with the possibility–just jazzed with its coolness.

So we started political parties. The consensus was there should be at least two so there could be discussion. But immediately each party desired to be the predominant one, which led to some nasty exchanges, false accusations, and the introduction of cheating. Election after election began to prove out that winning was more important than truth, justice and the American Way. Difficulty arrived like a “plague of congress.”

So laws had to be passed because we were in danger of losing the freedom we had hoped to achieve because we allowed the politics to steer policy.

And then, all at once, with one cracky voice, the people proclaimed, “Politics is damn lethal.”

I bring this up because the same thing happened in my lifetime–and yours–with cigarettes.

At first they were interesting. Then cool. Next, plagued with some difficulty, proclaimed dangerous, and now seen as a nasty piece of our social sappiness, murdering people with tar and nicotine.

I often wonder if it’s possible to stop, while musing over something being interesting–and jump ahead to find out if it’s deadly.

 

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Bulletin Board

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Bulletin board: (n) a board for displaying notices.

I’m a little timid to make this confession–partly because it expresses a weakness that I’m not sure other people share, and also there’s always a danger that when you’re vulnerable, someone will come along and feel it’s their responsibility to “teach you something.”

But taking that risk, I will tell you that bulletin boards scare me.

Not in the sense of being terrified, but rather, a bewildering, perplexing aggravation that comes over my soul whenever I stand, facing one, and see literally hundreds of messages piled on top of each other, vying for my attention. They begin to swirl together, forming some sort of mysterious stew in mid-stir.

I try to focus on one bicycle for sale, or announcement for an upcoming meeting of the Progressive Optimists of America, but my eyes are distracted and suddenly, my mind begins to believe that all optimistic people own bicycles–and have lost a daughter. And a dog. And a red umbrella.

Immediately aware that none of it makes sense, I’m bewitched by the messaging that keeps leaping from this bulletin board into my eyes to gain attention.

Does someone in a little country church really think I am going to come to their revival just because a tiny portion of their flier peeps through underneath the announcement of a new yoga class?

I’m sorry. Bulletin boards are spawned from some dark consciousness, where obsession and oblivion merge together in printed form to attack me and make me believe that I’m stupid because I’m not voting for the candidate whose poster has been most recently pinned over the top of all other competitors.

Bulletin boards are the most inefficient way to convey any message.

I’m wondering if someone in Congress came up with the idea.

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Brunt

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Brunt: (n) the worst part a specified thing

As a man, I must learn how to take the brunt without becoming a brute.

Maybe that’s also true for women. I’m not sure.

But having raised six sons to adulthood, I realize there were times that I needed to buck up, hide the pain, take the short straw and survive the greatest segment of difficulty.Dictionary B

It isn’t an issue of being macho–it is more the situation of realizing that somebody will probably end up being the fall guy, and choosing that position is better than being drafted.

I’ve always been proud of the fact that I provided for my family, but there were close moments. There were some times when groceries were less plentiful.

And I will certainly confess that my big, fat belly wanted to take the lion’s share of the macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, but instead, I divided it evenly among the family–only to realize there still was not enough, and limited my intake to a couple of quick bites over the pan on the burner.

There is pain in life.

It is always better to count the cost and choose what portion you’re going to receive.

But to live in a world where no one is willing to take the brunt of the responsibility is to welcome a congress of liars and an adult playground occupied by emotional babies.

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