Brouhaha

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Brouhaha: (n) a noisy and over-excited reaction or response

In a grocery store that only offers vanilla ice cream, strawberry seems radical. So for a brief season, the introduction of this particular flavor stimulates great interest and conversation.Dictionary B

But the human race, being what it is, soon tires of two flavors. So here comes peppermint, followed a few days later by Rocky Road, then Caramel Twist and Bubblegum, as the progression of varieties increases at a furious rate.

In no time at all, Burt Baskin and Irv Robbins get together and say, “If 10 flavors tweak their fancy, just think what 31 would do…”

Pretty soon we have more flavors of ice cream than we could ever experience, and spend much time defending our own personal predilection.

So what was once a snack, or even a delicacy, becomes a source of conflict as people argue furiously in favor of their favored concoction.

Soon we forget it’s just ice cream.

It becomes an issue of pride–maybe even a symbol of patriotism or eternal salvation.

Once matters are blown out of proportion, we need to continue to blow into them to justify why they became so large in the first place.

In no time we find ourselves arguing over the art of debate, exchanging facts based upon our interpretation of available statistics.

We might even conjure a lie or two, suggesting that Devil’s Food Cake ice cream literally is.

I seriously doubt if anyone would disagree that we have become a nation which favors the brouhaha over consolation.

It should be no surprise that this has occurred–considering we are also a country that thinks judging people is religion, dieting is nutrition, reading books is education … and watching a football game is exercise. 

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Angel food cake

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Angel food cake: (n.) a light, pale sponge cake made of flour, egg whites and no fat, typically baked in a ring shape and covered with soft icing.

Even though many people are possessed with the notion of eternal life, streets of gold, heavenly reward, bliss and mansions, I have a simple and short wish list for any afterlife that may or may not exist.

No calories.

That’s it.

When I finally finish this journey, I will have spent my entire life in the pursuit of weight loss, which at times teases me with a semblance of progress, only to later taunt me by having the lost pounds reappear as if I had deposited them into an account instead of squandering them in Vegas.

I am not angry, frustrated or giving up on the idea of trying to be trimmer and slimmer. But after many decades of maintaining a similar weight and actively pursuing different approaches to my eating habits, I gradually realize that if life was a poker game, I am sitting at the table with a pair of eights. (In other words, just enough to keep you thinking you should continue to play, but very little prospect of winning the hand unless you can bluff your opponent.)

This is my problem with angel food cake.

It is a lower calorie choice to devil’s food cake, but not absent caloric intake and so light that you feel you can have a second or third piece, which then brings it to equivalency with the satanic version.

It’s so cruel.

It’s like all diet foods. They are lower in calories, but the body immediately knows that the density and depth of quality is absent, so therefore requires more, making things equally as tubafying.

Angel food cake is delicious, but as you can see from the definition, the baker feels the need to add icing. Most people want a bit of strawberries or whipped cream, and then, because it’s a more prudent choice, additional slices are required, are they not?

I do not know what the secret is to weight loss. Anyone who tells me they do I know to be either a fool or a charlatan.

But I do know this–simply calling something angelic does not mean it came from heaven. 

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