Cooties

Cooties: (n) a louse, especially one affecting humans, as the body louse, head louse, or pubic louse.

I think cooties have been eradicated.

I’m not talking about the little bug—I’m speaking of the stigma that was placed upon very young girls by very young boys at a time in the funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
past when these fellows insisted that the lasses “had cooties.”

Matter of fact, as a young boy in the third grade, I was desperately trying to keep girls from touching me because their fingertips could transfer these cooties onto, or into, my body.

Of course, it was all purely sexual tension.

Every young dude secretly hoped that some soft hand would graze his back as he ran away, and that he would embrace that early sexual sensation of exhilaration.

But what really concerns me, since it is nearly completely impossible that some eight-year-old mind was aware of a louse called a “cootie,” that there apparently was some mother or father began this rumor, trying to keep their children romantically separated.

I don’t think any eight-year-old boy went to the dictionary and said to himself, “What makes a girl so different? Oh! Aha! Here it is! Cooties!”

After it was hatched, I can see how the rumor spread—similar to the varmints themselves.

But this nasty representation of the female of the human species certainly had to begin in the mind of some mama or papa, who thought it best for their offspring to remain asexual as long as feasible.

What a waste of time—considering that within a few short months, these boys and girls would be all over each other, even if there were cooties in play.


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Bachelor

Bachelor: (n) a man who is not and has never been married.

I was never a bachelor unless you want to count my high school years.Dictionary B

I got married two months short of my nineteenth birthday, placing me in seclusion from the female of the species, at least romantically. So I don’t feel qualified to speak on the ins and outs of this particular station of life.

But I do know that even though I was a married man, moments of bachelorhood occasionally possessed me, seemingly against my will.

I was never involved in pornography, but I did visit a friend’s house, who had a stack of Playboy magazines next to the downstairs toilet. I resisted them for a brief season, only to find myself perusing briefly.

I have also flirted. Flirt is one of those words that has no obvious definition:

  • Some people say they flirt and it ends up being a confession of having a sexual rendezvous.
  • Some people say they flirt because they offered half of their Twix bar to a stranger.

So I’m sure you’re not satisfied with me saying that “I have flirted.” Let me just say that I have met women who have graciously expressed some interest in me, other than creatively, and I have taken a moment to bask in the glory of that radiance.

I have also lusted after women in my heart. I have rather enjoyed that. I have even gone off to a private place to have deeper expression of that heart-lusting.

I don’t know what is sinful and what is permissible. I think it’s good that we don’t know. Because if we did know, we would still push the barriers further toward sin and farther away from righteousness.

Keeping us confused about our missteps is a good way to make sure that we learn how to walk a straight line.

 

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