Tag Archives: Law and Order

Attorney

Attorney: (n) a person appointed to act for another in business or legal matters.dictionary with letter A

A friend of mine was going through a nasty divorce.

She was desperately in need of getting away from an abusive husband, but unfortunately had limited funds. Also unfortunately, my bank account mirrored hers.

So she combed through the Yellow Pages and found an attorney who advertised reduced rates. She called him up and he optimistically told her of a plan of action to get out of her marriage for a mere $250.

It was the best deal available so my dear friend jumped on the opportunity and signed on the dotted line.

Everything went along fine at first–until the renegade husband decided to contest. Apparently, our attorney had missed some classes on “contesting.” He seemed completely baffled as to what to do when things did not go exactly by the step-by-step plan in his “paint-by-lawyering” kit.

So he failed to file papers on time, creating an absolute mess for the custody of the children, which eventually led to the crazed gentleman abducting the offspring and generating a plot which might have been suitable for a “Law and Order” episode.

When confronted with his inept handling of the situation, the attorney replied, “Yeah. I probably should have done that, but I didn’t.”

That was it.

My friend thought about asking for a refund but then it occurred to her:

When you go seeking for a discount, you may not be able to “discount” the results.

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Anagram

dictionary with letter A

Anagram: (n) a word or name formed by rearranging the letters of another word, such as cinema, formed from iceman.

The reason I am reluctant to have anyone refer to me as “smart” is that it is so easy for me to come along and disprove their assertion.

It’s not that I want to be counted amongst the ignorant or ill-informed. I don’t wish to be perceived as a dolt, but by the same token, there is a great pending tragedy in allowing oneself to be considered hyper-intelligent.

There are things I do well. For instance:

  • I can write.
  • I can sing.
  • I can play piano.
  • I can compose.

But there are things that demand thinking, intellect and reasoning which for some reason, totally escape me and thrust me to the back of the pack–to the disappointed glances of those who were once my promoters.

So on those occasions when I’m watching television right before prime time, and Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune come on, back to back, I am always humbled by the fact that both of these shows make me feel like an alien to my own species.

Jeopardy!–because there are always questions they call “general knowledge,” which make me look like a major fool in a private arena for dunces.

Wheel of Fortune–because I get so nervous about solving the puzzles but never can beat the people on the show, and end up either making excuses or switching the channel to reruns of Law and Order.

Anagrams are that way with me. Some people can look at them and see words leaping out, forming themselves in mid-air. They have determined the hidden idea within the collection of letters–while I’m still waiting for a “vowel movement.”

I know it’s good to try to learn new things and increase one’s perspective and insight by collective experiences, but I think somewhere along the line you have to determine the aptitude of your own brain, the ability that exists in your gray matter and pursue those adventures with greater zeal–and allow the experts in other fields to surpass you, and hopefully teach and protect you.

It’s not shameful to be dumb sometimes.

The shame only comes when you insist that you really knew the answer … or “somebody cheated.”

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Abalone

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Abalone: n. an edible mollusk of warm seas that has a shallow ear-shaped shell lined with mother-of-pearl and pierced with respiratory holes. Also called EAR SHELL.

He was unnaturally attached to his daughter.

I’m talking about creepy stuff. So much so that he decided to kill her husband so he could have her all to himself. Since the father was a chef and the husband was also one, the weapon of choice was to poison some seafood with chicken salmonella and give it to this hapless young man as a gift to serve in his restaurant.

When the young chef served this particular delicacy, it made everybody sick, creating a secondary motive for someone to kill him other than the father who wanted to be wacky with the daughter. Do you follow?

I bring this up because the seafood selected to poison was abalone.

Now, it is a long drive (or swim, in this case) for me to find a connection to this mollusk, but I also learned, from listening to Goren investigate on Criminal Intent, that abalone is illegal to procure because it’s rare, and therefore extraordinarily forbidden–and for those who actually do acquire it–expensive.

I realize this doesn’t shed a lot of light on the life and times of this most uncommon mollusk, but it does explain why sometimes the only reference we have to certain words and ideas is through our own experience–or lack thereof.

So when I saw “abalone,” it made me think of Goren on Law and Order and the creepy dad who wanted to get too close to his daughter and killed her husband, emulsifying his body and bones in a meat grinder in the kitchen of his restaurant.

I’m sorry. It was the best I could do.