Tag Archives: lifestyle

Absquatulate

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absquatulate: (v.) {HUMOROUS}to leave abruptly: the overthrown dictator absquatulated to the US.

Now we’re just getting silly.

I have certainly discovered in my lifetime that having a decent vocabulary can be advantageous in portraying some presence and bearing. But each and every one of us knows there is a fine line between knowing words and using words.

Matter of fact, I often have to revise the words I use in my books when I deliver public readings because the particular term, rather than being enlightening, stops the audience in mid-thought as they try to figure out exactly what that particular verb or noun might mean.

It’s just a waste of time.

And of course, both you and I are suspicious of it. If I’m watching a pundit on television and he suddenly releases some three-syllable word not of my acquaintance, I don’t think he is more intelligent than me. I just think he grabbed a thesaurus right before he went on TV and picked out the biggest word he could find, in order to come across superior.

Here’s what I know about the word absquatulate. If you ever used it, people would insist that you absquatulate from the room. They would first do this by turning their backs on you. If it was a party, they might become quite interested in the texture of the chip dip. But eventually, after escaping to the bathroom three or four times to gain some relief from being in your presence, they would remember a cat to feed at home.

Yes, I will say it aloud and say it proud: the best way to express intelligence is through your productive actions, not through your words or debating technique.

This is why Congress has a very low appreciation level among the American people. No one would doubt that this is an intelligent group of guys and gals. No one would ever insinuate that these alleged law-makers don’t know what absquatulate means.

It’s just that we’re all quietly and eagerly awaiting the next election, in order to permanently absquatulate them from office–a truly Capitol idea.

Absorb

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absorb: (v.) 1. take in or soak up energy or a liquid or other substance by chemical or physical action, typically gradually 2. engross the attention of someone: the work absorbed him.

You do realize–there is no prize given to those like myself, who are very successful at absorbing calories. It is a prejudicial situation.

If I absorb knowledge, I am praised. If I absorb iniquity, I am rebuked. If I absorb water, I am bloated. If I absorb the right amount of fluid, I am hydrated.

How do we know exactly how much to absorb before we are saturated, which brings us right back to saturated fats, which, by the way, we are not supposed to absorb.

When we are little tykes we are forbidden from watching certain television shows because we will absorb them into our minds, which are compared to sponges. Why would we think little ones contain spungier brains than older folks? Especially since those with greater years seem to do more damage than the playground crowd?

So what should I absorb?

I read a book once which said that things which are good, pure, praiseworthy–that these are things to absorb and think on. But if you spend your entire life trying to be a “do-gooder,” there are those around you who will find that obnoxious, pious or even boring.

So how much of “bad” can I absorb for the purpose of entertainment or acceptance in my society, before I begin to sprout some of the darkness myself? Because after a while, when you absorb something, it leaks out somewhere,  right?

You do get around people who insist they can tolerate much more absorption. Like a high toleration for pain, for instance.  I have to admit, though, that I find ita bit useless to be proud of achieving high standards of long-suffering.

What should we absorb without becoming contrary to those who walk around us, who for one reason or another, need to put up with our attitudes and lifestyles?

  • How much of social change can we absorb before we totally sacrifice everything we truly believe to be of pristine value?
  • What can we absorb of spirituality without flirting with the tendency to be religious?
  • How much language from the common culture can we absorb before we are judged by our words–prior to ever having the chance to establish our talents?

Absorbing is tricky business. It’s why I would not like to come back to earth as a sponge. Even though I don’t particularly hold to any ideas of reincarnation, returning to the planet as a sponge would put me at the bidding of people who want to clean up messes–and because I’m an absorber, I can’t exactly complain about what fills me up.

I guess I’d like to maintain the right to be a little fussy about what I absorb. I don’t want to be behind the times, but I don’t want the times to get behind me and shove me into decisions that truly are not of my making. Does that make sense?

It’s not that I want to drag my feet–it’s just that I would like a little time to put on my own shoes … if we’re going to walk a new path.