Tag Archives: Mom

Cleavage

Cleavage: (n) the hollow between a woman’s breasts

Jimmy was my friend. This was back in the day when the name “Jimmy” did not elicit laughter.

He was one year older than me. I was eleven. (You can do the math.)

Jimmy had a mom. I had a mom, too, but she was a mother. Jimmy’s mom was young and had the largest breasts I had ever seen. I was only
 eleven, so I hadn’t thought that much about breasts. Most of the ones I had spied belonged to my aging relatives, and they were similar to the appearance and texture of an avocado.

Not Jimmy’s mom.

Even though we lived in a time when the “prude laws of behavior” were held supreme, Jimmy’s mom walked around the yard in a bikini, watering the plants. There was a tree not more than twenty paces from where she did her work, and I situated myself so I could stare at her as she gracefully bent over with her hose.

The bikini was so small that I could almost see all the way down to her nipples. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld (and I had a Viewmaster with pictures of the Grand Canyon).

She was so …

I don’t know. I guess the word is “sexy,” even though I didn’t know there was such a thing as sex.

All I knew was that every time I stared at her ample cleavage, I got warm, I tingled and the lower parts of my body ached. It was like there was something they thought they should be doing, and they were being deprived of it, but since I was so ignorant, all I could do was quietly writhe between pain and pleasure.

One day I thought she saw me, so in the most clumsy way possible I ran across the street, back into my garage, finding it difficult to do so because, for some reason, my pee-pee hole had grown, making it cumbersome to speed away.

I’ve never shared this before and perhaps will never share it again.

But it was definitely my sexual awakening–and even though I did not know what the hell was going on, I was very grateful to Jimmy’s mom for owning a bikini and being brave enough to wear it.

Cleavage is a reminder to men that women are the only humans on Earth that are truly beautiful when unclothed.

 

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Antagonist

dictionary with letter A

Antagonist: (n.) a person who opposes someone or something; an adversary.

I guess I should rate this particular column PG-13.

I am not the type who likes to use colloquial or street language just to be colorful, yet sometimes there is no word that communicates quite as clearly as one that threatens to dribble off into the gutter.

Here are the facts, at least as far as I know them:

Some people are antagonists for a good reason, and some folks are just assholes.

The difficulty lies in knowing the difference.

Because certainly, to over half of the U. S. in 1861, Abraham Lincoln was an asshole. He was making a stand against an institution that had cemented itself into the Southern culture, and even into the minds of many Northern politicians. It seemed like he was urinating on apple pie and had slapped Mom and America in the face.

Yet by the same token, in the 1960’s, Dr. Timothy Leary introduced LSD to our culture, insisting that it was equally as mind-expanding as the Emancipation Proclamation. But really, he ended up just being a weirdo and bringing grief to a lot of unfortunate, gullible souls.

There are many antagonists in our world today. With whom should we side?

  • Supposedly if you take into consideration the feelings of the Palestinians, you’re against Israel.
  • If you express your empathy for the state of Israel, you become a Zionist pig.
  • If you have misgivings about the gay lifestyle, you’re a homophobe.
  • Yet if you promote an entirely liberal, open-minded agenda, history may place you in the “leary” category.

Is there any way of knowing what is truly being motivated by an asshole and what is the necessary work of an antagonist, who’s come along to prophetically shake up our world and better mankind?

I have three ideas. (They are no better than yours, but since I have you reading, I guess you’re stuck with me for the time being:)

1. Great ideas don’t make us more dependent. They cause us to declare our independence from things that are not necessary.

2. Great ideas have a sense of the common good without making fun or humiliating the adversary.

3. Great ideas have appeared in history before. Even if they’ve been shoved to the rear, they still have a lineage in truth.

For instance, slaves being freed has always been a positive throughout mankind’s journey.

Drugs actually expanding our minds and making us more intensely involved have not proven to be such.

I believe this: we must question everything with gentleness, allowing the truth to come to the forefront, instead of just reading aloud, in unison, the press release.

I, myself, am an antagonist.

Will history find me on the right side–or a mental dinosaur?

We shall see.

Of course, I won’t really care … because I won’t be here.

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Adonai

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAdonai: (n) Hebrew name for God

He said to me, “That’s Mr. Jones to you.”

He was like, four years older than me, but a real pompous type. I know it’s not a good thing to say, but I immediately hated him.

I don’t like it when people make a fuss over their titles and names. I don’t trust them. I find them insecure. And the truly great people I have met in my life have always come back when I’ve tried to call them by some proper terminology. Yes–they’ve always asked me to just call them by their first name.

It’s why i have problems with things like “Adonai.” Do you know why the Jews came up with “Adonai,” meaning master? It’s because they weren’t allowed to say God’s name.

What a stuffed shirt! Really?? I know you’re God. I know that’s special. But are you really going to insist that people use initials for you or come up with other terms so your name won’t be defiled in some way??

I just don’t buy it–because if you’re God and you’re great, why do you need to keep convincing people of your greatness? It would be like a famous actor name-dropping other famous actors around friends so as to remind them how great he is. What a jerk.

So I am not convinced that a lot of the things we believe about God are really Godly. They’re certainly not confident. And they’re definitely not benevolent. And they REEK of piety and insecurity.

I am so glad that when Jesus came to earth, he said, “Relax. Stop calling Him by all these weird names. He’s Father. He’s Daddy.”

Yes, I get a little uncomfortable in our American culture at times, when parents insist that their offspring refer to them as “sir” and “ma’am.”

Maybe it’s respectful. But it’s also annoying.

Isn’t “Dad” better? Isn’t “Mom” preferable?

So even though I know that “Adonai” is a term of reverence from Judaism, I really cannot accept a God who insists that His name be revered instead of his position as my friend and father being honored.

So maybe fear of God is a good thing, but somewhere along the line … you have to stop being scared.