Tag Archives: trinkets

Antepartum

dictionary with letter A

Antepartum (adj.): occurring before childbirth.

Pregnancy.

No male of the species should probably ever postulate on this issue, even if stimulated by curiosity to offer insights or opinions on the process by which a female conceives, carries and eventually “unshells” a human being. It is beyond the scope of the average man.

Yet it is a source of fascination.

Having been around numerous pregnant women in my life, I first of all realize that many of them do not like to be referred to as “pregnant.” So the first thing a male should acquire is a Thesaurus, to discover different terms for a woman impregnated. (Once again, another dubious word.)

Truthfully, during that nine-month period of gestation, words and wording become very important. To some degree, true candor must be abandoned in favor of cautionary terminology.

For instance, one should never have an opinion on whether a woman with child looks good. It is a foregone conclusion that they are “blooming, glowing, transcendant” and nearly “immortal.”

So at my own peril, I will be honest about my take on this situation of what is referred to as “antepartum.”

1. It’s too bad that the baby can’t be passed from parent to parent like a basketball.

When one got tired the other could take over for a while. I suppose this might create its own set of discussions, but at least one would not be suffering while the other desperately scrambles to alleviate it.

2. Telling a person that is normally attractive and small that they are still extremely desirable, when they realize by looking in the mirror that they are suddenly humongous, is not very comforting.

I don’t know what the right decision would be in this situation, but it is a fruitless task to try to tell a balloon that it is not blown up.

3. It is ironic that the romance, chemistry and lust that produced the condition suddenly runs away in terror at the conclusion.

“Chicken!” That’s what I yell at the retreating emotions as they scurry away in horror, leaving the pair to wonder if any attraction remains.

4. And finally, because this is going to be a journey, pack a bag and make sure you include lots of money, a first-aid kit, games, trinkets and a list of the reasons why you love her.

it’s not that women are silly. I imagine if men were carrying a child, they would be even more prone to bursts of temporary insanity.

It’s just that the idea of growing something in your body that weighs nearly ten pounds is normally treated with radiation and surgery. In other words, a cancer.

So I think trying to find the balance between honesty and tenderness is the best profile.

But of course, in doing so, wear a helmet and a cup. 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Altar

dictionary with letter A

J. R. Practix

J. R. Practix

Altar: (n) the table in a Christian church at which the bread and wine are consecrated in communion services.

Sometimes I am embarrassed at my lack of interest in religion.

I am extremely intrigued with faith, personal consecration, devotion and the quest for better things.

It’s kind of the way I felt when I was a kid and my friends would become involved in new, popular activities. My only interest in the venture was whether or not it was fun. But my friends would get picky about the pieces of a puzzle or the trinkets that went inside a game board.

One of my companions became totally obsessed with marbles–to the point that he had buckskin pouches to carry them in, and they couldn’t be mingled with each other because the purees had to be separated from the bulgers, which had to be totally kept apart from the cats’ eyes. So every time I played with this kid, he was yelling at me about procedures and propriety. instead of just shooting marbles.

Yep, I guess that sums up my spirituality.

I’m just shooting marbles.

When you want me to cherish the sanctity of an altar, or discuss speculate on whether bread looks like the human body and whether wine is a symbol of blood or is actually transposed in substance…well, I’m outta here.

I’m against altars–mainly because they don’t alter anyone.

They make us feel superior because we think more than other people, rather than weighing our worth by what we feel and do.

So go ahead and worship at your altar, and know all the significance of each and every holy piece placed upon it.

But for me, I believe if you’re going to enjoy yourself, you need to learn the importance of relaxing and appreciating more than worshipping and revering.