Cosigner

Cosigner: (n) a joint signer of a promissory note.

The definition of greatness, and perhaps even the best description of faith, is possessing a vision greater than your substance.

Very few of us arrive on Earth with enough substance to match our vision.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

I found this to be true in my early years of adulthood. I knew what I wanted to do. I wasn’t sure how to do it, so I was very susceptible to the lame-brain plans of others—or even of my own making—which might be shortcuts for achieving my goals.

All of these ideas that were hatched in front of me and inside me always entailed the need for money. It was the idea that money needed to come before I could do the work.

Whenever someone suggested that I could do the work without needing money, I rejected it because it extended my waiting period and therefore discouraged my faithfulness.

I cannot tell you how many times I went to family, friends or even strangers, asking them to cosign on a loan, a car, a motor home, or even sound equipment, because I was convinced that my need for the substance was inhibiting my faith.

Most of the time, very wise people said, “Absolutely not.”

I did not like them. I thought they were selfish, unfeeling, perhaps anti-Christ.

On three occasions, when people gave into my “pitch” and signed on a piece of paper for money or goods on my behalf, they were left holding the bag—which I believe contained turds.

Later on in my life, when I got substance, I came back and reimbursed these people. But at the time, I am sure they felt very used—and their faith was damaged because I stole their substance.

Family and friends come to me sometimes, asking me to cosign a loan or a contract. I just pull out my wallet, peer into it, and figure out which President, with his face on the paper money, I can impeach from my ownership and give to them. If I can’t afford to give it, I don’t offer it.

Cosigning always seems like a great idea—sometimes even to two people. But if you really believe that substance is needed more than faith, your lack of faith will make it impossible to please either God or Earth.


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Corrigible

Corrigible: (adj) capable of being corrected or reformed:

During a Q & A one night, when the audience had stopped having much interest in seeking any additional inquiries, the host who was conducting the interview with me, asked, off the top of her head, “If you could isolate one thing a person could do to make their life better, funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
what would it be?”

Before I got a chance to answer, comments suddenly arose from the audience, who moments earlier had looked ready to head for their cars.

Someone jokingly piped up and said, “Money!”

This prompted another to offer the word “beauty.”

It became almost like a list of the three wishes you might select if you rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared.

But when somebody intoned the word, “power,” the whole audience groaned in approval.

I turned to the person who made the suggestion and asked, “What kind of power? And how would you get it?”

He was a little surprised that I singled him out, because he was just trying to participate, or maybe just be funny. But it did draw attention back my way, and everyone seemed a little interested at what my response would be.

I replied, “If I could start over again and have one virtue that was sustainable throughout my life, it would be the ability to be corrected without copping an attitude, becoming defensive or making excuses. I would choose to be a corrigible human instead of considered an incorrigible brat.”

My answer was not quite as popular as “power.”

Yet I still contend today that anyone who can stand to be wrong, hear it and set in motion a plan to change it, immediately has beauty, will soon have power, and the money will follow.


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Copacetic

Copacetic: (adj) fine; completely satisfactory

Copacetic is a word used by people who have enough money to throw at their difficulties—so it may appear to outsiders that they are problem-free.

Actually, satisfaction is a myth and those who pursue it are soon frustrated, holding their last dollar tightly in their fists.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

The goal in life is not to find satisfaction, but rather, create it.

There are no circumstances on Planet Earth which come together to formulate the exact chemistry that will make you and I content. There is always a skunk in the mix, stinking up our plans, frustrating our endeavors and leaving us running out of the room screaming, to escape the stench.

We decide to be satisfied—not by compromising, but by truthfully learning the way things are, and instead of banging our heads against cement walls, creating doors to get through to the other side.

There’s an old saying which proclaims: “In whatsoever state I am, there I will be content.”

We smile at such optimism, as pessimism smothers our faith.

Nothing will ever be copacetic.

There are too many factors working at the same time, colliding into one another, creating surprising spin-offs.

What we can do is find what’s real, get our peace of mind and purposes achieved in that climate—and out-smart and out-last the cosmos.

 


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Constrain

Constrain: (v) to compel or force someone toward a particular course of action

I stopped being political many years ago when folks pushed me to join a party. They constrained me.

I ceased being religious when I realized that I couldn’t just love my neighbor as myself, but needed to sit my butt down for an hour-long funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cservice of boredom, which I was supposed to pay for in the offering plate. They constrained me to be a church attendee.

I refused to be super-macho in order to prove to all the men and women in the world that I was worthy of consideration, though the constraint to do so was extraordinarily intense.

My thought has always been, if a candidate isn’t worthy to hold office, advertising him or her as one of your party does not increase his or her value.

Likewise, if God needs my money instead of my heart, then maybe He should go out and get a job.

And if hair on your head, hair on your face and hair on your balls is the symbol of manhood, then I would prefer to languish in the animal kingdom.

When anyone tries to constrain you to do something, using intimidation or threatening that if you don’t, you won’t belong, you won’t be saved or you won’t “get the chicks,” then you should smile and say, “No, thanks. See ya’ later. I have an appointment to talk with myself.”

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Connotation

Connotation: (n) an idea a word invokes in addition to its primary meaning.

Love makes me think about kissing.

Maybe a little bit about the love of God. Both are rather pleasant.

Politics connotes younger folks arguing about subjects they just read about, pretending they’re experts. Unpleasant.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Religion conjures organ music in a dismal atmosphere. Recently it’s added the connotation of beheadings.

Prayer makes me sleepy.

Maybe that’s because I do most of my praying right before I go to sleep, or it’s just a great sleep-inducer.

Money brings a smile.

It’s not because I love money–it’s just that having it relieves one carnal infraction against our living. It also opens the door to being generous.

Family is a fairly decent word. But candidly, most of the grimaces and growls that may come our way are attached to those who share some of the D in our NA.

Life is not a series of definitions. It is an accumulation of feelings, which means we have the chance to take shitty words and crappy experiences, and reshape them by offering more enlightened endeavors.

 

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Conducive

Conducive: (adj) making a certain situation or outcome likely or possible.

There is a rumor that’s been going around for almost two thousand years–that the three greatest forces on Earth are faith, hope and love.

It persists.

There have been extravagant attempts to extinguish this trio and replace them with work, money and power, but in the end, there they are–standing tall.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Faith, hope and love.

But there are certain things that are conducive for these three to thrive. If you don’t have them, then it may certainly seem that they’ve gone away, at least for a season.

Faith requires a questioning love. That’s what is conducive to its growth. Questioning because that’s the only way we can put our faith to a true test, to see if it will hold the water necessary to contain the hope we all need.

But faith does not work without love, and I’m talking about the kind of love that appreciates those who launch out and try new things without fear.

Now, hope needs to have a chance to be acted out with a good plan. This is what is conducive to its well-being. Too many committees snuff hope out simply because a cynical spirit refuses to believe that either God or human beings can give their very best in the crunch. I guess we’re stuck with “us” and Him.

Finally, love requires that balance of affection and commitment to be conducive to our real lives. Too much affection and we become overly dependent on the appreciation of others. Too much commitment and we soon forget what it’s like to be inflamed and engorged in passion.

So as you can see, simply extolling faith, hope and love does not help much if we’re not willing to create an atmosphere which is conducive to their breathing.

 

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Conceal

Conceal: (v) to keep from sight; hide.

Ever since the first two rascals thought they could hide their genitalia beneath fig leaves (which ended up not only being ineffective but also funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
itchy) the human race has had a great affinity for concealing.

I remember some great words which state, “There is nothing whispered in the ear that shall not be shouted from the housetops.”

The first time I read that I thought, why can’t we have secrets? What in the hell is wrong with that?

Maybe it’s possible to conceal something if you have a truly trusted friend–but most human beings are so desperate for attention and appreciation that they eventually will squeal on you. They’ll insist they had a good reason, but your sins will find you out.

I’m often amused when I see politicians, religionists and even business practitioners who think they can conceal some piece of inadequacy or evil from the public.

The reason truth is always borne out is because people always want to tell–and there is always someone else with enough money to give to them, to make them “sing like a bird.”

 

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