Corduroy

Corduroy: (adj) a cotton-filling pile fabric with lengthwise cords or ridges.

As a young man–being a chubby threatening to be a tubby–I was always looking for an advantage that would open the door to girls whom my basic features had failed fail to attract.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
I
noticed that women liked to touch soft things, so at a thrift store I found a really plush, thick turtleneck sweater. Girls loved to run their hands up and down it. My thesis was, once they got accustomed to feeling my sweater, touching me might not seem so repugnant.

I found the same thing to be true with corduroy pants—what they referred to as the wide-wale ones. The ladies loved to reach over and stoke my leg, feeling the material.

I had no objection.

I was young—a simple touch on the knee was like an express train with the destination “Ecstasy.”

Here was the problem, though, with my corduroy pants: I had plump thighs, so when I walked my legs rubbed together and wore out the corduroy on the inside. In no time at all, I had the top of my legs covered with corduroy and the inside of my thighs looking like the cheapest cotton ever picked in Dixie.

Pretty soon it became noticeable that my pants were two different textures. Even more obvious was what caused the loss of the corduroy.

So what began as a grand plan to make connection with dear women ended up only pointing out to them that my portly limbs had totally destroyed my corduroy appeal.


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Big

Big: (adj) of considerable size, extent or intensity.

Dictionary B

“Big Jon.”

That’s what everybody used to call me.

It was their way of acknowledging that I was a large person without using terms like chubby, tubby, overweight, portly, plump or God forbid–fat.

But as I grew older and wiser, I realized that behind every use of the word “big” was a parenthetical inclusion of “fat.”

Even though politeness is very polite, it is often misleading, if not flat-out lying.

I was able to pull off “Big Jon” for a long time because I could lift couches, play sports, and pant and sweat my way to physical equality.

But age caught up with me, and the passing years have robbed me of the courtesy of being big, and just made me obese.

For the record, there is absolutely no charm in “Obese Jon.”

When is it good to be big?

I was told when I was younger that having big dreams, big plans and big goals was a sign of vision. Then I realized that this particular view of life could blind you with ambition, leaving you stumbling in the darkness of despair.

Somewhere in between small and big lies real.

It’s what we’re all looking for.

It’s that part of the mission of our life journey which is achievable instead of under-promoted or overwrought.

I have reached a time when I need to stop being so big.

My body, my emotions and my ego … all need to go on a diet.Donate Button

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A-list

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

A-list: (n) a real or imaginary list of the most celebrated or sought-after individuals, especially in show business.

Fats Waller, Fatty Arbuckle and Fats Domino.

All three of these tubby individuals were once on the A-list of our society. Who knows them now?

You see, that’s the problem with any kind of list which promotes popularity. It is linked to the attention span of the American public, which is shrinking at a similar rate to the polar ice cap.

It got me thinking.

Who would be on the A-list of all time? In other words, what individuals who have lived since the foundation of historical documentation would be of intrigue to us (or especially me)?

Because even though Clark Gable was certainly a common household name in the 1930’s, it is rather doubtful that your nine-year-old daughter today would have any idea who he is. So who would my six-year-old, fourteen-year-old, thirty-year-old son, and eighty-five-year-old grandma know in common and consider to be part of the all-star A-list?

It’s really funny.

I only came up with two, Is that weird?

There were an immense number of choices, but I only have a pair of names I would consider to be on the A-list of all time. I am sure you will laugh at me and come up with many on your own, but I would question whether your selections would endure a three-fold test:

  1. Does the recognition cross generations?
  2. Does the contribution to the world remain lasting?
  3. If they were alive today, would they make a similar impact that they did in their own time?

You see? Kind of tricky.

So long story short, on my A-list of all time:

Jesus and Abraham Lincoln.