Tag Archives: affluent

Condo

Condo: (n) short for condominium, a multiple-unit complex

Over the years, I have lied to keep up with the Joneses, who, by the way, ended up being massive liars.

When I realized that people expected me to have a higher education, I attempted to make up a college career.

When it occurred to me that the number of songs I had written seemed small, I inflated the tally.

In my youthfulness, I promoted myself as a tree-top lover, when within a few moments, the true status of my report became obvious.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Many times in my life I have shared, insisted and informed people that I lived in a condo. Why? Because it sounds affluent.

On those occasions, what I was actually living in was one of the following: an efficiency, a duplex, a flat, an apartment or the back end of my van.

But no one was impressed with these locations. I was young. I felt the need to blow minds.

Before I started really touring, I made up a schedule which made me seem to be a combination of Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake.

I always worked on the simple premise that people are too lazy to actually check out your stats–but time and time again I was proven wrong. There are many individuals who live to disprove other people’s false reports–especially when you insist you have a condo, forgetting that you have invited this person over to dinner next Tuesday.

 

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Asparagus

Asparagus: (n) a tall plant of the lily family with fine feathery foliage, cultivated for its edible shoots.dictionary with letter A

For after all, having knowledge is not necessary in order to espouse. In our day and age, merely having a strong opinion complemented with verbosity is sufficient motive for accosting your audience with determinations.

Here’s what I do know about asparagus: I like it.

I do not remember when I ever disliked asparagus, though I am sure at the age of three, having it introduced into the room probably would have caused me to run out in terror.

It has a very intimidating appearance. It has a distinctive odor, and I have a son who insists that those who eat this particular vegetable urinate a unique aroma.

As I said, I do not know about such things, but as I also stated, am feeling free to share at will.

The most outstanding thing about asparagus to me is that when I eat it I feel affluent.

It’s expensive.

Every once in a while it falls down into my price range. Then I buy it in bunches, usually serving it with a nice steak or a medium-quality fish.

Being more expensive. it does require a whole lot of attention, care and the addition of friends like butter, and even almonds.

I like to grab it by its stem and put the little curly head in my mouth and gradually insert the entire stick in one bite.

I can recommend this approach. It stresses your opulence–not only are you unconcerned with taking small bites, but you are content your wealth enables you to eat this costly commodity in huge chunks.

Some might say that asparagus is an acquired taste.

But truthfully, I think the whole process of eating vegetables is getting used to the idea of tasting “green.”

Yes, green has a taste.

It varies ever so slightly from broccoli to kale to asparagus, but normally falls into a common realm in the kingdom of flavor.

If you never develop the taste for green you will spend your life eating browns, tans and whites, leaving the planet early … because you just didn’t have the heart for it.

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Affluent

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAffluent: (adj.) having a great deal of wealth or money

For ten years of my life I was affluent.

I lived in a big house, had extra finance, drove really neat cars and spent money on expensive lunches which I dubbed “business.”

Most of the money I utilized was not of my own making. It was inherited. It still spent the same.

I built a swimming pool in my back yard, had a gazebo in my front, and even constructed artistic decking to get from my house to the pool

What can I tell you about being affluent?

  • It’s like being poor except you only worry about money half the time.
  • You spend less of your thought process wondering if you should buy the T-bone steaks that are on sale, but you still get a bit of indigestion when you realize how much cash you extracted from your bank account–just to eat grilled cow.
  • There is a greater sense of loss, and much more pressure to reimburse what you’re spending because otherwise, you cannot continue the absolute facade of affluence.

I will not tell you that it was absent charm. I certainly will not tell you it was devoid of excitement. AND I will not be so pretentious as to lead you to believe that if it were offered to me again as an option for my ongoing existence, that I would not leap, in a stumbling way, in that direction.

But I can say that it really doesn’t matter.

Because of the money that I had, the thing I rejoice over more than anything else is that much of it was given away to others to produce lasting glee. There is something wonderful about knowing that twenty dollars does not mean much to you personally, but to another individual who is working minimum wage, it is a heavenly gift floated down on gossamer wings.

Pretty damn fantastic.

So I continue to work hard–not to build another swimming pool or purchase another gazebo hand-built by the Amish–but to make sure that I have enough coinage in my purse to surprise those souls who worked harder than they should have for less than what they’re worth.

I have maintained the best part of being affluent: I still get a gas out of giving.