Cursive

Cursive: (adj) handwriting in flowing strokes with the letters joined together

Upon seeing the word, I immediately sat down to see if I could remember how to write in cursive.

It’s still there. I can do it.

It’s completely useless, since I’m not going to be writing a farewell from a Civil War battlefield, nor composing sonnets for Juliet.

When I learned cursive, I was told it was very important.

I want you to listen to this: I was GRADED on it. They asked me to work on it and improve it.

Was there not one mortal over the age of twenty who had enough foresight to realize that we probably would not be scribbling notes to one another in the very near future?

Doesn’t it make you suspicious of other things?

There is a litany of rules and regulations—not to mention, stipulations—that are laid on us every day and pronounced essential.

Case in point: I remember as a small child my aunt teaching me how to correctly use silverware. Honestly, I am not sure that the majority of American people in the course of one day ever touch a fork or a spoon. With our food all coming to us in packages and our hands being the most logical tools for grasping, I just can’t imagine how my aunt’s training on cutlery has proven to be magnificently beneficial.

We are lied to by liars who were lied to before us.

We are prompted by prompters who were prompted.

And we are trapped by trappers who themselves were ensnared.

What is important?

It is a question we do not dare ask. In doing so, we might offend at least half of the populace, and then, when we turn around and pose it in a different way, absolutely annoy the other fifty percent.

Whatever you may think, cursive writing was not a necessary practice, and more than likely will fail to achieve a comeback except in little cults, holding competitions for “Best Penmanship” as they listen to Mendelssohn and chomp on crumpets, sipping herbal tea.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Condo

Condo: (n) short for condominium, a multiple-unit complex

Over the years, I have lied to keep up with the Joneses, who, by the way, ended up being massive liars.

When I realized that people expected me to have a higher education, I attempted to make up a college career.

When it occurred to me that the number of songs I had written seemed small, I inflated the tally.

In my youthfulness, I promoted myself as a tree-top lover, when within a few moments, the true status of my report became obvious.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Many times in my life I have shared, insisted and informed people that I lived in a condo. Why? Because it sounds affluent.

On those occasions, what I was actually living in was one of the following: an efficiency, a duplex, a flat, an apartment or the back end of my van.

But no one was impressed with these locations. I was young. I felt the need to blow minds.

Before I started really touring, I made up a schedule which made me seem to be a combination of Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake.

I always worked on the simple premise that people are too lazy to actually check out your stats–but time and time again I was proven wrong. There are many individuals who live to disprove other people’s false reports–especially when you insist you have a condo, forgetting that you have invited this person over to dinner next Tuesday.

 

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Clout

Clout: (n) influence or power

Liars talk too much.

It’s one of the sure ways to pick ’em out. Rather than just stating the facts or presenting the situation, they feel the need to emphasize some
aspect of their story to further impress you with its validity.

That’s always been my problem with the word “clout.”

How much more reinforcement is necessary for a good idea?

How many times do we need to recite our accomplishments before we understand that nobody cares?

How often will we find ourselves stumbling over words because we are not yet convinced that the room has been swayed by our argument?

Does a nation have clout because it has a big army? (Candidly, the nations which have had big armies throughout history are no longer around.)

Do a people have credence because of their faith in God or their morality? If that were the case, the Puritans would still be very popular instead of deemed assholes for killing little girls as witches.

Does a woman gain clout by convincing everybody that she’s just as good as a man, when being a man may not be good enough?

How many characters do we need to introduce to develop the plot?

How many promises should be secured before we decide to move out and attempt a noble deed?

When I was in my thirties, a very prosperous music producer told me that I had no future because I didn’t carry enough clout. I looked him in the eyes and said, “I decided a long time ago not to carry anything I didn’t need.”

We don’t need clout. Actually, it warns of insecurity, pomposity and arrogance.

If I believe I am the best at anything, I need to leave my house more often.

If I think that God favors me because of my numerous religious inclinations, it may be necessary for me to encounter those human beings who scrape together fifty cents, knowing they need sixty cents to survive.

If you want to legitimize the word “clout,” then here is a better definition:

Clout is when I have the humility to realize I don’t really matter, so if I want to keep from being invisible, I should open up my heart and do what I can for the human race.

 

 

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Bust-Up

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Bust-up: (n) the end of a relationship

Excuses are always offered when the real reasons must be disguised.

This is one of the greatest frailties of the human race–in an attempt to be kind, gentle and even-handed, we often end up being liars, cheaters and spreaders of misinformation.

Every bust-up is like that.

The real source of the problem between two people–or a bunch of people–is hidden because it may sound trivial.

So we try to develop what I call a “cottage cheese” explanation. In other words, so bland that everyone will be able to stomach it. In the process, we lead others astray–while deep in their hearts, they sense they have been duped.

But maybe we want to be misled–the truth of the matter might require us to consider our weakness. Or maybe a revelation of the actual dilemma would make us feel silly and shallow.

Whatever the excuse is, a bust-up is always a little piece of deceit dipped in chocolate.

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Brag

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Brag: (n) a boastful statement

“If you don’t toot your own horn, it won’t get tooted.”

This statement is often said in public, and even though most of us are uncomfortable with the “brassiness” of it, we usually let it go by without contradiction.Dictionary B

Actually, I toot my horn so others will tell me how good it is. I require that confirmation.

Does this make me needy? It certainly makes me aware that my own sense of appreciation of my ability has limited quality to my soul.

It’s risky.

Since everybody is tooting their own horn, will they have time to stop and enjoy my melody?

Will I be left in obscurity?

Will I be ignored in favor of other horns which blare louder?

Perhaps. But the problem with bragging is that eventually circumstances arise which demand that we back up what we have claimed. Our reputation is whether or not we can confirm our bragging. If we can’t fulfill what we claimed, we will be deemed liars.

Jesus told a wonderful parable about arriving at a banquet and making a decision not to sit at the head table.

Yes–even if you think you’re worthy of it–even if you were invited to sit there–don’t. Seat yourself with the other guests until your host notices you perched below, and in front of all the attendees, calls you up to a place of honor.

Yes, I like that.

I can avoid bragging by doing amazing work and being discovered by those who are looking for such excellence, who call me up…and blow my horn for me.

 

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Blurt

Blurt: (v) to say something suddenly and without careful consideration.

Dictionary B

Children are dangerous because they tell the truth. (Well, at least as much truth as they know.)

You may be at a dinner party, and in front of all your guests, your eight-year-old son will describe the discoloration of your underwear.

They blurt.

They come right out with it and speak what they’ve seen and heard.

We have to teach them to be good liars. It doesn’t come naturally.

Matter of fact, the first time we ask them to exaggerate or avoid sharing a secret, they are suspicious and question us. We sheepishly explain that in some cases, it’s necessary to give half-truths so as not to hurt people’s feelings or keep the family’s business in the family house.

Adults don’t blurt.

For instance, if a politician blurts, it makes the news. We find it refreshing–and stupid at the same time.  I’m sure when you saw the word “blurt” you immediately thought something negative instead of positive.

We live a life of cautious calculation, carefully considering our choices–without contemplating candor.

 

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