Convulsion

Convulsion: (n) contortion of the body caused by violent, involuntary muscular contractions

“When you are weak, you are strong.”

This concept is roundly rejected in everyday humanity, because it sounds ridiculous. So we give it the greatest insult of all—we ignore it.

When one of my sons was hit and run by a car, the brain damage that occurred through the accident left him with occasional seizures. I will never forget the first time I saw my child, who was impaired and unable to communicate, lying on the bed in the grip of a convulsion.

Helpless is where I began. It quickly moved to frantic, and then took on a bit of fury as I screamed for the nurses to come, and for somebody to do something.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

He was so out of control. I mirrored his position.

I could not understand the worth of such ugliness and felt abandoned, desperate for some sort of purpose.

Yet I must tell you, I despised every deep thought offered to me to assuage my guilt or suggest divine guidance on the purpose of a little boy shaking and shuddering with no remedy.

I had to come to grips with me. After all, disappointment has two parts to it:

  1. Why in the hell did this happen?
  2. Why in the hell did this happen to me?

Each question has to be answered individually until some comprehension about human progress begins to settle into the fiber and DNA of our thinking.

When nothing happens, we remain the same.

When good things happen, we remain the same but arrogant.

When bad things happen, we can’t remain the same, and arrogance prohibits us from finding peace of mind.


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Assuage

Assuage: (v) to make an unpleasant feeling less intensedictionary with letter A

Although the circumstances may vary, there are really only two paths of action that we can take in any given situation:

  1.  Am I going to deal with the reality as it exists in a truthful manner?
  2. Am I going to understand the reality and then make up my own rendition, which is more pleasing to my sensibilities?

We do it every day.

Things come up and we have a choice–do I accept my fault and involvement in the present fiasco, or am I desperately looking for ways to assuage my guilt?

It is so much a part of the human experience that other folks who love us will actually help us create a storyline which is more pleasing than the one presently being offered by circumstances.

I will not tell you that I have always pursued the path of truthful disclosure.

I would not be so foolish as to prophesy that going forward I will do so.

The best I can achieve is to admit to myself that both paths exist–and each and every time they come up, I willfully make a decision on my own, to either come clean or dirty up the back story.

Is there a difference?

Candidly, none of us would lie if we had not actually gotten by with it at one time or another. And certainly, the sensation of pulling off the fictitious explanation is so exhilarating that we may continue to do so to get the rush.

None of us are convinced that the truth will make us free. It not only seems unrealistic, it also appears to be downright inhuman.

Yet there is one abiding factor that cannot be escaped:

Confessing our faults is much preferable to denying them. Why? Because later we are cornered by our adversaries, who prove that we are not only transgressors, but liars.

So what will I do going forward, understanding that these two paths are constantly available to me in my dealings with others, and especially my own conscience?

I will try to tell the truth, remembering that the freedom it provides is the giddy spirit that does not need to avoid other people and other situations… in order to escape disclosure.

 

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix