Concise

Concise: (adj) giving a lot of information clearly and in a few words

I occasionally have this hilarious, comedic scene pass through my mind of arriving at the Judgment Day and having a very well-dressed, astute and proper St. Peter ask me, “In twenty-five words or less, tell me why you think you should go to heaven. And by the way, don’t use ‘uh, well,’ funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cor ‘basically’ as any of the words.”

Be concise.

Find a way to say what you mean without cushioning it with your inhibition, your fear or your exaggerated need to focus on yourself.

I learned a long time ago, started believing it five years later, and now have begun to practice the shortened version of anything I say, opening the door for those who are interested to proffer questions if elongation is necessary.

You know what I have found? There are no questions.

People are pretty well satisfied with the bare-bones rendition of my situation.

We believe that we are terribly interesting. We contend that if people are fascinated with us.

But concise is what puts us on guest lists for parties.

Concise is what increases our possibility for sexual encounters–because we are not over-begging.

Concise is what gets the job done instead of trying to figure out why the job can’t be done.

And concise is why we yell “Fire!” instead of describing it, explaining combustion or theorizing on the correct tools to extinguish it.

 


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Bogeyman

Bogeyman: (n) an imaginary evil spirit

Dictionary B

Often the only way to expose fear for its foolishness is to be willing to live out the reality of what truly frightens us.

In other words, if I could go back to being a six-year-old child who was told to stay in his bed “or the bogeyman would get me,” my instincts would be to demand that this character be produced and shown to me as evidence to stay faithfully beneath the sheets. But it’s too much to ask of a six-year-old to be so astute.

Yet as I’ve gotten older, the fear of the bogeyman has remained so as to keep me cornered.

The church wants me to believe in the devil. After all, he is the ultimate bogeyman.

The Republicans want me to understand that the Democrats plan on unleashing multitudes of bogeymen, as the Democrats insist that the Republicans embody the legendary sinister form.

What happens if there are no bogeymen?

Could we still have pride in our nation without hating another country, which we have deemed to be the Dark Force?

Could we still motivate one another toward goodness if we removed the terror of a devil’s hell?

I, for one, am tired of the bogeyman.

Even though I never challenged my parents at age six, just in case there was this sinister “knight of the night,” I was still saddened that I had to remain tucked in my covers to protect myself from the world around me.

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Astute

Astute: (adj) having or showing an ability to accurately assess situations or people and turn this to one’s advantage.dictionary with letter A

Knowing when to play dumb.

After all, there’s no advantage in playing smart. You either are intelligent in a given situation or you’re not, and that certainly will become obvious.

But in order to be astute in this world, you must be prepared to play dumb without ever feeling lessened or defensive about the role.

For the action of including others is the admission of lack. No collaboration is ever successful if both people insist they’re intelligent enough to pull it off without each other–or if they even think they are.

To get the very best of a roomful of people, you have to develop the childlike quality of being the student and not the schoolmarm. If you can’t do this, you will insist that you are an individual who loves to get the “take” of others while simultaneously ignoring every opinion proffered your way.

I think we believe that being astute is profiling ourselves as knowledgeable so you can join into the discussion.

Yet as we look back at our history, most people would consider Abraham Lincoln to be one of the greatest Presidents. Yet to many of his advisors, he was perceived to be a buffoon. He was always telling stories, was often awry from the point, and did not seem to have a natural aptitude for leadership. But Lincoln knew how to act dumb so he could garner the true opinions of those around him, and siphon from them the very best answers.

  • If you try to act too smart, you will scare away others who are frightened of your superiority.
  • And if you’re actually unintelligent and insist you have prowess, you will be viewed as a fool.

The secret to life is knowing when to act dumb. Without this gift, you cannot really procure the true intelligence around you … and learn better ways.

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Apiary

dictionary with letter A

Apiary: (n.) a place where bees are kept.

This is really unfair.

I guarantee you, I will not remember this.

Am I the only person who thinks an apiary is a place where you should keep apes?

How am I supposed to remember that an apiary is where you keep bees? A word picture won’t even help me. My God, the horror of blending a monkey and a bee.

And even though I’ve seen people who tend to these little buzzing wonder-units, it does baffle me. Because they make honey but they will sting–so much so that if you don’t have that funny wire mask on, and the white suit that makes you look like the Marshmallow Man, you’re always in danger of them…well, getting a bee in your bonnet.

But then the shocking news came to me that bees were beginning to die off, and that if they continued this extinction, pollination could cease and therefore crops would not grow and we will eventually all starve.

God, I wish my pollination was so powerful.

So I really have mixed feelings about bees.

I know they’re important. I know they make something sweet in life. I also know they sting.

But I understand that if they do sting, word has it that it can be fatal to them. Maybe something God should have instilled in the human being–some sort of system whereby you get three mouthfuls of gossip and then your head falls off.

I am not the kind of writer who will close this off with some silly reference like, “Whatever bees will bees.”

I am well beyond that.

  • I am astute.
  • I am articulate.
  • And I have enough fear of the works of Shakespeare to avoid such trivialities.

Oh, what the hell.

Whatever bees will bees. 

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