Crotchety: (adj) given to odd notions, whims, grouchiness, etc.

There are three words that seem to travel together. Buddies, if you will.

I don’t think you can see “crochety” without the word “old” hanging around, accompanied in the back seat by the word “man.”

Crochety old man.

Women aren’t crochety—women are bitchy.

Men, on the other hand, get a “cushioney” word, perhaps pulled out of a hat owned by Charles Dickens: “’Tis crochety, old boy.”

Also, men are old. Women, on the other hand, are decrepit.

At least with the word “old” you have the possibility of “wisdom” traveling alongside. But decrepit immediately conjures a vision of an old witch with a fondness for dining on the carcasses of little children.

The gentleman in the story gets the advantage of maintaining the word “man” to describe him, while the woman would be a hag.

So if you have a penis, you get to be a “crochety old man.”

Absent that appendage, you are a “bitchy, decrepit hag.”

After all, what does it mean to be crochety? It means that nothing is going your way anymore because your way is so old it’s covered with dust.

What can one do to age and still be a person who isn’t crochety?

I think there is a three-step process, whether you’re male or female:

  1. Shut up.

No one wants to hear all your stories.

  1. Listen.

And as you do, learn some of the lingo so you don’t talk like you came out of a 1970’s movie.

  1. Think funny things, think serious things—share the funny ones.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

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Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Adam: (in the Bible) the first man. According to the Book of Genesis, Adam was created by God as the progenitor of the human race, and lived with Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Ape or dust? Darwin or Genesis?

This appears to be our choice.

Would I prefer to incorporate into my thinking that I am a highly evolved primate, who sometime back in my distant history became the offspring of a smart monkey, who decided to walk out from among the trees and mate with another smart monkey, who eventually, over generations, created smarter and smarter monkeys?

Or would I rather believe in fairy dust, formed by the hands of a Spirit which rules the universe, to create the flesh and blood of a human being, completely intact, needing no evolution, and arriving on the scene adult, intelligent and whole?


So here’s what I came up with: I have decided to look at the progress of the human race instead of studying its lineage. This is what I see–we are better off believing, pursuing and walking in a philosophy that tells us we came from a garden instead of a jungle.

If we follow the contentions of our dear brother, Darwin, we will justify our irrational, selfish and even destructive behavior–which wants to kill to eat.

If we hold sacred the notion of God being “breathed” into human beings, we will need to follow through on that idea by understanding that we are a people geared to planting and harvesting.

You would have to agree–there IS a massive difference.

Perhaps in a more jaded frame of mind, I would point to historical facts which might make us temporarily believe that we are more similar to our ancestors who hunted down game for survival without mercy. But there are too many examples of times when the human spirit has triumphed and snatched defeat out of the jaws of insanity for us to ignore the creative spark of generosity and holiness that seems inbred.

I think it’s really that simple. The success you will have in your life, your relationships, your family, your business and in all of your interactions with the creatures on the planet we share will be determined by whether you roam this earth as a jungle or till it as a garden.

Do I believe the entire Genesis account? I believe that we are better as gardeners than we are as high-minded, angry monkeys.

And I think somewhere along the line, whether either account is completely true or false, or a blending of one another, when it comes to pushing forward the ideals of humanity, we would do better to present ourselves as Old McDonald instead of King Kong.