Coot

Coot: (n) a foolish or crotchety person, especially one who is old

I have officially become old enough to become a coot. I’m not sure what age qualifies you, but age is certainly a factor.

There are other considerations:

Coots always talk about “how good things used to be.”

Coots tend to refer to society as using a “handbasket on their way to hell.”

Coots pine for a time when they were younger and full of energy.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

I honestly don’t feel any of that whatsoever.

Many of my growing-up years were filled with ignorance, prejudice, anger, self-righteousness and bloodshed in an unrighteous war. So I don’t yearn to go back—I just insist that there are two things the human race can’t live without, and we should cease deleting them from our browser.

Human beings must have empathy and self-deprecation. If you don’t like the idea of self-deprecation, then insert humility.

When we stop feeling empathy for the man or woman next to us, we become enemies to our own species, similar to a bee who plots with the flies to steal the honey.

And when we don’t produce adequate humility, the obnoxious odor that comes off our being chases people from the room.

I’m not an old coot.  I don’t care who you sleep with. I don’t care what your political party is. I don’t care what your faith or lack of faith might be.

But when you mess with empathy and humility, I will dig my heels in, because then you’re plotting the destruction of the human race—of which I am proudly a member.


Donate Button


Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

Good News and Better News

 

Cobweb

Cobweb: a spider’s web, especially when old and covered with dust

I have watched with some nervous curiosity as a confident individual handles a snake.

They always seem to feel it is hilarious to offer the snake in my direction, waiting for me to step back in horror to ​provide​ them a hideous giggle. But everyone has small “somethings” that turn us into nutty little girls, running away in terror from a bee.

The other night I was sitting in the living room with my son, who is a large, burly man, when he suddenly winced and shimmied in his chair because a fly had come close to his ear. He was adequately embarrassed so I did not tease him, though greatly tempted.

​Yet ​I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone walk through cobwebs with​out​ getting an icky face and batting with their hands in all directions to rid themselves of the sticky strings.

I once owned a house near a lake. I built a beautiful porch. Every morning there was a spider web in one corner. I took a broom and swept it away, but the next day it would be back again. I asked a friend about it and he said, “Well, the only way to get rid of the cobweb is to kill the spider. Otherwise, ​it​ will just continue to do ​its job faithfully.”

After all, a spider web is just a home for a spider, which doubles as a trap for flies so he can get good eats. It’s a rather ingenious ​invention​.

If I could figure out how to turn my house into a trap for hamburgers, steaks and fried chicken, I’d do it, too.​

Donate Button

Bestow

Bestow: (v) to confer or present an honor, right, or gift.

Dictionary B

I still occasionally laugh at myself for sitting around waiting for “the magic.”

Without offering judgment, I must tell you that it is a common weakness in the human race–believing that talents, gifts, prosperity or even a sunshiny day are bestowed upon us by some force of nature or heavenly Creator who apparently has found us to be particularly cute.

Matter of fact, for years I have sat quietly by and listened to people talk to me about my “God-given talent,” nodding my head–apparently agreeing with their assessment that such opportunity was bestowed on me by the heavens above.

What life has given me is an aptitude–what you might call a set of attributes that just might be conducive to one adventure over another.

But because of the goodness of God, I am completely able to ignore that aptitude and insist on contradicting my natural tendencies and pursuing my own free will.

Or I can pursue it.

But aptitude does me no good unless I bring the right attitude–which can never be bestowed upon me.

No–I choose it or I lose it.

And then, taking the aptitude, or at least my rendition, blending it with a good attitude, I can ascertain my altitude.

How high will I fly?

I’m not sure.

But I know this … the wings won’t be bestowed upon me.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

Aerodynamic

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Aerodynamics: (n.) the study of the properties of moving air and especially of the interaction between the air and solid bodies moving through it.

I came to a conclusion yesterday: it’s really good that people can’t fly.

Actually there was no great revelation yesterday. I pretty much knew this all along. It’s just that when I saw the word “aerodynamics,” it brought my gratitude to the forefront.

It’s wonderful that the Creator gave every creature some specific ability, making it superior in a unique way to its neighbor.

  • Snakes crawl on their bellies.
  • Porcupines have quills.
  • Sharks have big teeth.
  • Skunks have … well … aroma.
  • And birds can fly.

Can you imagine, with the human ego, how annoying, obnoxious and even dangerous we would be if we flew??

Let’s just start with driving. As precarious as it may be to travel the freeway with other motorists, if that action was occurring up in the sky, where you would not only have a fender-bender but a fall to the earth as also well you can see, the results could be quite lethal.

And then there’s the problem of aerodynamics and air-lift–that skinny people would have even MORE reason to brag and feel superior to fat folks like me because they could “get up to three thousand feet” instead of hovering at three hundred.

Yes, that would be horrible–to not only be able to buy clothes off the rack at will, but also to touch the stars because you have five percent body fat.

I suppose it’s dangerous enough that we have built machines to fly us through the air, which make us believe that we are supernatural, yet we do fall from the heavens enough to confirm that we truly are not gods.

Aerodynamics is a wonderful study, best conducted in analyzing birds, airplanes and rockets.

Thank God my irritating friend Larry, from high school, was not able to achieve such heights. It was bad enough with im when he was discussing how much iron he could pump in the weight room. I can’t even imagine what he would have been like if he could have taken off and flown high over my head … to spit on me below.

ADD

Words from Dic(tionary)

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

ADD: (abbr.) attention deficit disorder

Ironically, I was thinking about writing an essay on how Thomas Jefferson, who penned the Declaration of Independence, was considered by many of his cohorts–those gentlemen we call “the forefathers”–to be a rather obnoxious sort because he was always bouncing from one idea to another, proposing several different drafts and considering every paragraph and line in his document, like some sort of nervous kid on a sugar high.

Oops. There he is again.

The fly.

He got let into the room yesterday. I HATE a fly in my room. Do you know why? They lie in some corner, dormant, until, in some fit of gregarious insect joviality, they join you for dinner, watching TV or sipping your coffee.

I want to kill the fly. Is that wrong?

Speaking of Thomas Jefferson, he had a tendency to question the silliest little words, wondering if they would be understandable to future generations, and what that generation would consider to be freedom and their concept of the Revolution.

Do you like that song by the Beatles? I’m talking about the song, Revolution.

Do you know what I once did? I was doing a television show and wanted to include the song, but every time I tried to edit the song in, it was distorted. So I bought myself a mixer to try to remove the distortion, and then someone pointed out to me that the first part of the song commences with a distorted guitar.

Which brings me back to Thomas Jefferson. I think he finally realized there’s no such thing as a perfect document, and the Declaration of Independence would have to be interpreted by future generations based upon our evolution in democracy.

Do you really think we came from monkeys? I was thinking about evolution. We’ve never really found the missing link, have we? I have met some folks worthy of study, but even they would not be conclusive to such a claim.

It’s not that I would mind being a monkey, it’s just that cooking with only bananas would get very old–let’s say, lose its “a-peel.”

Even though I suppose you could use plantains. Do you like them? Plantains? Do I really want a non-sweet banana? Do I need a potato substitute? Have potatoes failed me?

I like Mr. Potato Head. I was one of those weird kids who used to put the ear in the nose and the nose on the mouth…and then I would present it to people, thinking it was funny, and they just thought it was weird.

Yes, it was weird that Thomas Jefferson fussed so much about the Declaration of Independence.

Do you think maybe he had ADD?