Cream One’s Jeans

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cream one’s jeans: (v) to experience emission of a small amount of semen 

I was twenty-five years old and just smart enough that I seemed like a genius among my peers.

It is a very dangerous supposition—because possessing premature gravitas does not mean you have adequate “salt and pepper” in your philosophy. But my friends—and their friends—trusted me explicitly.

So when a young woman came to me for counseling, I was more than willing to help her through her hour of need. She was very attractive—but I felt that I was mature enough to handle it in a clinical fashion, and would not allow my animal to slink out of the jungle.

It went along pretty well. Unfortunately, the problems she was experiencing were of a sexual nature, with her fiancé. She was very willing to be honest—dare I say, even blatant. I tried not to become emotionally involved in her situation, but she was so doggone pretty that I found myself siding with her rather than actually helping her find the key to her solution.

I thought I was doing more good than harm until after the third session—for when she left, I went into the bathroom, pulled down my underwear to urinate, and there it was: a little deposit of fresh cream in my shorts from my body’s excitement.

I felt stupid.

Aside from being a little bit yucky, it was a piece of evidence which could not be denied. It proved that my mind was moving sexually instead of heavenly.

I was so pissed.

I continued a few more sessions but at the end of each one I found the same surprise. Yes—I was creaming my jeans over a young woman I was supposed to be enriching.

She didn’t know, and she would never know unless I told her or tried to act out my body’s wishes.

At this point I had to decide whether I was just clever or really caring. There is a major difference. People who are just clever don’t really care if it hurts anyone or not, and people who are really caring sometimes have to walk away from their need to appear clever so as to actually be caring.

I explained to the young lady that I was going to send her off to someone who was more suited to her problem, and that she could counsel her better in these matters than I. The young woman was disappointed, but not crestfallen. After all, she was there for help…not foreplay.

I learned that day the difference between just loving yourself and really loving your neighbor just as much.

 

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Areola

dictionary with letter A

Areola: (n) a small circular area, in particular the ring of pigmented skin surrounding a nipple.

It is a God thing.

I know it’s a little freaky to talk about sexual matters, and tie them into divine wishes, but forgive me. I feel comfortable with it.

Nowhere in the entire universe do you find the sense of humor, the passion and the sensuality of God as much as you do in the female breast.

Aside from being utterly magnificent in its form, and appreciated by men like me despite its various incarnations, it is a total blending of the practical and pleasurable.

Ninety percent of it is fatty tissue. Normally, we’re unimpressed with bulgy fat– unless it happens to land on the top of the female torso. I have some such bulges in my waistline, but no one is displaying it on the Internet for $8.99 downloads.

Pretty good sales job–to put simple fatty tissue in the correct location to stimulate lust. Remarkable.

Then you come to the nipple. Everyone in the world knows it has only one logistical use–babies really like the shape and find it easy to extricate Moma’s milk from the utility provided.

But let’s be honest. God could have just made fattened nipples. Right? In other words, a clump of extra skin and a doo-dad for baby.

But no. Not God.

Playful Creator He is, He decides to surround this practical implement with an areola. And then He inserts nerve endings aplenty for sensitivity and sexual arousal.

So you got the whole package here, ladies and gentlemen:

You got the clump of fat with the nipple for Junior

And a sensitive areola to use as foreplay

If we really just evolved based on the parts of us that are most applicable, then the areola certainly should have been abandoned tens of thousands of years ago. But since we were created, our Maker decided to give us as much pleasure as He could … without having us totally obsess over the product.

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix