Tag Archives: marital relationships

Arbiter

dictionary with letter A

Arbiter: (n) a person who settles a dispute.　

Compromise is popular.

It has become so accepted that when someone utters the phrase, “We all need to compromise,” there is practically a collective “Amen” spoken in the room.

To achieve compromise, we often require an arbiter.

These are people who feel they are valuable by taking a bit of one side and mingling a little of another side to come up with a whole new rendition, which is only partially accepted by each individual party.

Honestly, this doesn’t work anywhere else in life.

Aside from Tex-Mex food, mixing cuisines is normally a disaster.

An ecumenical philosophy which includes all religions leaves you with precepts that should be written on fortune cookies and have about as much significance.

Congress gathering to mesh their opinions into a bill usually leaves us with a law which attempts to cover the subject like a blanket with our feet sticking out the end.

The times I found myself being an arbiter, I discovered a truth. Since the individuals were already disagreeing, trying to get them to sign off on a diluted format would be unsatisfying to both of them, and probably ignored in the long run.

I don’t believe in compromise. I hold to a philosophy of submission.

If two people are arguing, it’s likely that neither one has the total perspective.

If you can help people land on what has historical value, personal satisfaction and global respect, then asking them to submit to that conclusion creates the climate for a healing situation.

We can do this with anything.

Any issues possesses a core of emotional, spiritual and mental health which can be tapped if we’re not so intent on promoting our own cause.

But to do so, we must submit to ideals and truths which may be different from our own popular cultural outlook.

They say that politics is built on compromise. Actually, politics should be built on common sense. Each amendment to the Constitution should be looked at through the eyes of our generation and interpreted to honor the original freedoms without holding to the letter of the law.

The same thing would be true of corporate by-laws, marital relationships and even our reverence for the Good Book.

Compromise is the belief that there is “right” everywhere, and we just need to blend our “rights” together.

Knowing the nature of human beings, it’s more likely that we’re slightly mistaken in the first place, and we need to find common ground by submitting to more mature wisdom.

 

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Adversary

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adversary: (n) one’s opponent in a contest, conflict or dispute

I’m not so sure it’s about being an opponent.

Sometimes I think the conflict that exists between people is chemical–or certainly sensory. Our feuds and grudges are triggered by a dislike of some aspect of the personality or the appearance of our foe.

Once we get into that “grumpy” mindset, we start looking for reasons to disdain them, which is not that difficult to achieve, considering how all of us are stained with flaws and foibles.

So we end up with an adversary–someone who brings out our worst instead of our best.

It’s not exactly an enemy, although I’m sure the two words could be used synonymously. An enemy is someone who has proclaimed an intention to stand against us, no matter what. An adversary is a person who just doesn’t like how we do things, who we are, how we look or any of our choices, and therefore always wants to “nit-pick” whenever we’re around.

It is much more common that we would ever believe.

Matter of fact, I have come to believe that a large number of marital relationships are adversarial. Two people who share a bed often find it difficult to evenly distribute the covers. It makes them testy and overly sensitive.

So what should we do with an adversary?

  • It’s ridiculous to continue to aggravate one by flaunting our presence.
  • A suggestion is made in the Good Book that we should “reason with our adversary.” But what does that mean? Doesn’t reasoning have to begin with some reasonable respect for one another?
  • I think sometimes the greatest gift I can give to someone who finds me distasteful is to not be around so often for them to sample my flavor.
  • And when I find myself in their presence, I should be careful not to launch my personality, which they have already determined to be over the top.

Human life IS adversarial–we’re not going to escape it. But what we can do is refuse to become defensive by pursuing an offensive approach to those who have decided to cast their lot against us.

We just need to get over the notion that it is impossible for someone not to like us. It is not only possible–it is highly likely.

So maybe THAT’S what it means to reason with your adversary … just give ’em enough air to breathe that does not sniff of you.