Tag Archives: offended

Clear

Clear: (adj) transparent.

I will never be transparent.

There’s no need for me to mislead you with a promise by offering my definition on the subject.

I don’t want you to see through me. Honestly, I don’t think it’s any of your damn business. I don’t trust you enough.

I like you real well–you seem fun. But you’re not worthy of me sharing my feelings and then leaving them to your interpretation.

If you would accept it on face value, it would be fine.

But you won’t.

You’re like everybody else. You’re an amateur psychologist, counselor and theologian. You aren’t even aware that you’re still in the amateur category. It’s not your fault.

I’m the same way, too. I should caution people not to be too transparent around me.

So I believe there’s a definition for “clear” other than transparent: able to be understood.

You don’t need to comprehend why I’m occasionally fussy and touchy if I am willing to let you know that I sometimes suffer from delusions. I can make that clear.

If you love me, you can adapt and forgive me for such indiscretions without trying to know all the details or solve all my problems.

For instance, I don’t need politicians to be transparent. I just cannot tolerate it when they’re opaque, refusing to allow me a clear look at their motivations.

“Let me make something clear” is a great statement if it’s followed by a candid admission of strengths and weaknesses.

Please do not be offended.

I’m not always transparent with God.

Silly, don’t you think? Since, if there actually is a Divine Creator, He is omniscient, all-knowing.

I don’t care.

He’s just not gonna get the whole story from me.

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Bitter

Bitter: (adj) angry, hurt, or resentful

Nothing ever gets better if we insist it should never have happened.Dictionary B

It is the source of all bitterness.

Discussion is avoided because the mere mention of the event creates such a ferocious response that conversation is impossible.

Maybe there’s a little arrogance tied to it. Perhaps it is this “life in a bubble” experience that we all desire–which is continually burst. Then not only are we offended, but also find ourselves rigidly refusing to consider reconciliation.

Why?

  • Because “how dare he?”
  • Or “how dare she?”
  • Or even “how dare they?”

Even though we acknowledge they are just human beings, we still think they should have had the divine insight to be aware that we should not have been challenged.

The Good Book calls bitterness a root.

It is a seed of pride which we plant in the dirt of failure, which sprouts a rage burrowing deep within our soul, disguising its presence.

So we cover up bitter with apathy … and we insist our apathy is just a preference or a decision to move on.

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Avenge

Avenge: (v) to inflict harm in return for an injury or wrong done to oneself or another.

Human beings are capable of understanding the concept.dictionary with letter A

A vast majority of us mortals understand that it would be completely inappropriate and foolish, not to mention selfish, to get on an airplane and request that all the people sitting near us move so that we could lie down across the three seats.

The saner members of the children of Adam and Eve are also aware that we take our turn in line at movie theaters or the DMV.

As you can see, there is an awareness that “time and chance happens to us all.”

Yet for some reason we have a tendency to draw a line in the sand when it comes to the action of being offended, attacked or mistreated. Why we think this is not bound to happen, considering the ego of our species and the amount of interaction we are required to have with one another, is beyond me.

Yet perfectly rational people who just left a football game, where they trickled out of the stadium in single file without complaining, will get into their cars and blare their horns at a person who dares to pull into the provided space in front of them.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re already halfway on the journey–why not complete it?

For of a certainty we are aware that if someone walked into a restaurant and pushed to the front of the line, insisting that they needed to be served first, the whole room would hate them.

Yet why don’t we understand that it is a “hateable” instinct–to want to hurt someone else just because they hurt us?

Not only does the philosophy of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” fail to heal our pain, but it doesn’t make us any less blind or grant us better ability to chew.

Somewhere along the line spirited people have to stop avenging–just the same way they learned to stand in line and wait their turn.

 

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Authentic

Authentic: (adj) of undisputed origin; genuine.dictionary with letter A

I remember it like yesterday because when it happened, the combination of surprise, disappointment and confusion nearly overwhelmed me.

I met an older fellow who happened to be in my line of work and I immediately took a liking to him. I struggled to get his attention so we could become friends and maybe end up doing some projects together. But try as I might, he had absolutely no interest in entwining our efforts.

I was offended.

I was upset.

I thought this guy was cool, and the fact that he didn’t think I was cool just wasn’t cool.

So to avoid going crazy, I decided I would ask him about his indifference towards me.

I had just finished sharing my talents at a meeting and the two of us were sitting over a cup of coffee at a restaurant when I worked up the courage to pose the question.

“Why don’t you like me?”

He looked at me with a perplexed expression, hoping, I assume, to avoid any confrontation. I challenged him and begged him not to be insincere.

So, taking a big swig of coffee for courage, he explained.

“You are dangerous. At least, dangerous to me. You see, I do what I do because I’ve always done it, gotten pretty good at it, and see it as a way to make money without hurting too many people. Honestly, I don’t believe everything I say. And you probably have noticed–I don’t live everything I believe. You, on the other hand, are frightening. You are authentic. You are real. You have a childlike heart when you talk about your faith. It scares me. Actually, it convicts me because it makes me wonder why I don’t want that for myself. So of course I don’t want to work with you–and I never will. You remind me that what I preach can actually be done, and honestly, I just don’t want to work that hard.”

To my surprise, he downed the last bit of coffee in his cup, stood to his feet, shook my hand, and walked out of the restaurant.

I never saw him again.

In that moment, I temporarily wished to be a little less sincere.

I wanted to be friends with this friend.

But the power of being authentic is that it gives you a storyline that you don’t have to memorize because it’s your own.

But it also alienates you from those who just want to tell stories.

 

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Angry

dictionary with letter A

Angry: (adj) having a strong feeling or showing annoyance, displeasure or hostility; full of anger.

I’m sure many books have been written on this subject, but for the life of me I can’t think of one right off the top of my head.

The subject of which I speak is fighting dirty.

We all do it.

We have all decided what aspects of human behavior are distasteful and we attribute them to the people we’re fighting with, in order to make them appear out of control or mean-spirited.

For instance, I’ve been in counseling sessions when one of the individuals accused the other of “being angry.” Honestly, I didn’t think the other party was angry at all–maybe a little intense as they made their point, or perhaps energetic in their honesty. But as soon as they were accused of being angry, the immediate response was to become angry.

Thus the other person achieved the goal of portraying them as irrational simply by accusing them ahead of time of being in that condition.

I like to believe that people are not angry with me unless they finally speak aloud: “I am angry.”

In the process of refusing to be offended simply because someone is bluntly sharing opinions, I have on occasion heard truths which ended up being a great input to my soul.

But if I think everybody in the world is angry simply because they’re displeased with me, I am warning the surrounding community of human beings that they should be careful not to say anything in my direction which is not sweet or affirming.

If you want to know when people are angry, look for this simple sign: angry people can’t stay on the subject, but revert to the past.

Anyone who does not bring up your past, but stays on the subject, is not angry. Actually, they are making sure their opinions can be heard instead of rejected. But the minute they bring up the past in an argument, they are angry.

So here’s my conclusion:

I will listen to anyone share feelings about what I am presently doing, as long as they don’t travel back to my childhood, my personal choices in the past or my heritage.

At that point they’re just angry, and as a human being I find it difficult to discover a place to push off toward repentance when all I’m hearing  … is hopeless chatter.

 

 

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Alzheimer’s Disease

dictionary with letter A

Alzheimer’s disease: (n) a progressive mental deterioration that can occur in middle or old age due to generalized degeneration of the brain.

When you read the definition, there’s nothing funny about it.

But candidly, I think everybody feels a little nervous about taking this disease seriously.

It isn’t that we don’t have empathy for those who suffer from it. It’s just that the one-liners, comedic set-up and potential sketches available on the subject of older people becoming forgetful are so ripe with scenarios that it’s difficult to pass them up in favor of more sensitive profiles.

So when are we being callous?

I remember once in a show I joked about the fact that “considering my size, you know I’m not anorexic.” A lady walked up to me afterwards and complained about my choice of humor, saying that her daughter suffered from the condition and that it was not a jocular matter.

I apologized.

The reason I offered this remorse was that I had offended her. I didn’t do anything offensive, but because the subject matter was so personal and close to her, she was offended by my making light of the gravity of the situation.

But honestly, I do not know if we can progress the human race without learning to laugh at ourselves.

Would I think jokes about Alzheimer’s Disease were funny if I had it? Since I probably wouldn’t know–yes. (See? There are people who probably would find even that turnaround crass…)

All of us are going to get old, and that looming condition is both real and frightening at the same time. To approach it without some sort of good cheer is probably the greatest danger.

So I follow a simple philosophy: I try to find humor in everything, serious or not. It is not because I don’t care. It is because the only way to care is to relieve pain, not merely point it out.

We must be careful in a time when we are touting our personal feelings more than understanding our human need–that we don’t lose sight of the escapism of comedy.

I do not condone those who are rude and crude. I am not saying that any kind of disease is pleasant. I’m just saying that as an obese man, plagued with many of the complications associated with it, I have never gained ground by digging in my heels, weeping or looking for reasons to be offended.

The only light I’ve ever seen at the end of any of my tunnels … is humor.