Consensual

Consensual: (adj) relating to or involving consent or consensus.

For the first forty years of a man’s life, he travels with a buddy.

It is his penis, Dick.

Wang. Willy. Or any other names that have been associated with the partner.

This particular companion is not always in accordance with the man himself. He has plans of his own, desires he pursues, hobbies he likes and although only he funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
has a very small capacity for brain storage, thinks in his own lane.

This creates a problem: the man may be a complete gentleman who would never offend a woman in any way, shape or form. But the buddy–as we have called him–does not hold to that approach. Matter of fact, he thinks the gentle approach is tentative and will leave both of them unsatisfied.

So even though the man may meet a lovely woman whom he wants to ingratiate through courtesy and conversation, Mr. Excitement would like to speed things along.

For instance, he’s never quite sure what the purpose is for the second drink or a bevy of compliments. He sees no particular reason not to tell a dirty joke–just to see if there might be an open door, so to speak. The best word to describe this second part of the duo is “inappropriate.”

So although men under the age of forty try desperately to keep Mr. Inappropriate out of their general interactions with women, he pops up and speaks out.

Because of this, there probably isn’t a man alive who has not been offensive, and pushed forward too much, taking away the sanctity and the beauty of a consensual agreement.

Mr. Pants Dweller is totally sold out to the idea that every woman wants him–she just hasn’t discovered her yearning as of yet.

Fortunately, in most situations–and especially after the age of forty–the overbearing roommate mellows out a little bit,  enabling a relationship to bloom.

So do yourself a favor. Stop being defensive around women about how you “never, ever” have said anything untoward or out of bounds.

Just explain that you’re trying to train a pet monkey when to show up with the banana.

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Bluff

Bluff: (n) an attempt to deceive someone regarding abilities

Dictionary B“You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”

This is just one of those traditional sayings that we occasionally pop off to prove that we’re acquainted with noble thoughts.

But what does it mean? For instance, free from what? What does the truth make us free from? Or free to do?

There is only one cursed, defiled, nasty and unworkable human emotion: nervousness.

Although it comes in many forms and manifests itself in a multitude of situations, there truly is nothing worse than walking around uncertain, frightened, tentative or ill-prepared for circumstances.

Sometimes this is inevitable. But most of the time it is because we have bluffed–portraying ourselves as something we are not, and then are suddenly center-stage, tap-dancing out our claim.

This may be the definition of hell.

Yes–maybe hell is a place where all the things we said we could or would do are stacked up…until we actually achieve them.

 

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