Monthly Archives: March 2015

Asparagus

Asparagus: (n) a tall plant of the lily family with fine feathery foliage, cultivated for its edible shoots.dictionary with letter A

For after all, having knowledge is not necessary in order to espouse. In our day and age, merely having a strong opinion complemented with verbosity is sufficient motive for accosting your audience with determinations.

Here’s what I do know about asparagus: I like it.

I do not remember when I ever disliked asparagus, though I am sure at the age of three, having it introduced into the room probably would have caused me to run out in terror.

It has a very intimidating appearance. It has a distinctive odor, and I have a son who insists that those who eat this particular vegetable urinate a unique aroma.

As I said, I do not know about such things, but as I also stated, am feeling free to share at will.

The most outstanding thing about asparagus to me is that when I eat it I feel affluent.

It’s expensive.

Every once in a while it falls down into my price range. Then I buy it in bunches, usually serving it with a nice steak or a medium-quality fish.

Being more expensive. it does require a whole lot of attention, care and the addition of friends like butter, and even almonds.

I like to grab it by its stem and put the little curly head in my mouth and gradually insert the entire stick in one bite.

I can recommend this approach. It stresses your opulence–not only are you unconcerned with taking small bites, but you are content your wealth enables you to eat this costly commodity in huge chunks.

Some might say that asparagus is an acquired taste.

But truthfully, I think the whole process of eating vegetables is getting used to the idea of tasting “green.”

Yes, green has a taste.

It varies ever so slightly from broccoli to kale to asparagus, but normally falls into a common realm in the kingdom of flavor.

If you never develop the taste for green you will spend your life eating browns, tans and whites, leaving the planet early … because you just didn’t have the heart for it.

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Asp

Asp: (n) another term for Egyptian cobra.dictionary with letter A

I don’t know much about Cleopatra.

Supposedly she was beautiful.

But honestly, I’m not convinced that all the reports of beauty throughout the history of humankind are valid.

After all, she lived thousands of years ago, before women were as well-tended-to and groomed as they are today. Who knows? She might have had hairy armpits, which would have been totally acceptable during her time, but might be a bit of a detraction from our concept of modern-day beauty.

I think what bothers me most about Cleopatra is that she killed herself.

It produces a paradox: we want to teach our children to deal with problems, not give up and never snuff themselves. Yet throughout history we glorify people who have committed suicide, from Socrates to Cleopatra, and oh, let’s not forget…Romeo and Juliet.

Even in today’s society, if somebody kills himself, we have a tendency to romanticize it or find reasons why he or she was ill-suited to be part of the family of man.

For instance, supposedly Vincent van Gogh was just too creative and spiritual to be with us mortals.

And then, we turn to our young people after glamorizing self-execution and insist that they seek counseling, gut it out or survive the bullying instead of “offing” themselves.

Sooner or later, we have a responsibility as a society to speak consistently. If you have nothing against killing, then continue to promote all forms of life-termination.

But if one kind of killing bothers you, please admit to yourself that killing as a whole might be obtuse.

Likewise, we should make a decision whether it is a brave thing to commit suicide, or an act of cowardice. And please don’t tell me it’s both, depending on the circumstances.

  • Cleopatra may have been beautiful.
  • She may have been powerful.
  • She may have been cunning.

But when push came to shove and she was floating on a barge on the Nile, she stupidly made an asp out of herself.

 

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Asleep

Asleep: (adj & adv) in the state of sleep; not attentive or alert, inactivedictionary with letter A

Inactive?? Are you kidding me?

I would venture to say that some people have more emotion, thought, planning and creativity while they’re asleep than they do with their eyeballs wide open during the day.

I am not a mystic. I have never read my astrological chart, nor do I believe in ESP. But I will tell you–right in the middle of our lives is a doorway to eternity, which we enter every single night, relaxing on our mattress of bliss.

It’s called sleep.

During that passage, we talk to ourselves, we feel sensations, have visions that would make Hollywood blush in embarrassment and inadequacy, and there is the possibility that the Spirits of the Universe can actually commune with us, stimulating areas of our brain that normally lay dormant.

I have had all the answers to the problems of the universe resolved in my mind in a moment of sleep, only to have them snatched away by the alarm clock.

I wrote a book where I referred to this time of sleep and refreshing as a “mortalation.”

For after all, sleep is a simulation of death, where we are no longer in our conscious world, but instead, given license to bounce and play without gravity or limitation.

It’s a great time for God to speak to us.

Of course, if you don’t believe in God, it’s a great time for us to speak to ourselves from an inner consciousness that is often muffled by the pillow of propriety.

I love to be asleep–not just because it is essential to my well-being physically, but because I think my dreams actually mean something and are worthy of my consideration and interpretation.

I would have to disagree with the dictionary:asleep is not an inactive period.

Matter of fact, the activity that occurs during those night visions is often the salvation of our present and future soul.

 

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Asking Price

Asking price: (n) the price at which something is offered for sale.dictionary with letter A

Never set your mind or heart to what you’re determined to get before you go shopping.

Why?

Because you will always end up screwed on either the price or the quality of your purchase. Your desire will overcome your good sense.

I do not speak in theory. I have so many examples of my whim overtaking my common sense and dragging the both of us off to “stupid land” that I wouldn’t even know where to start.

But for the sake of brevity, let me focus on one beautiful May afternoon about twenty years ago, when I decided I wanted to buy a “fancy-looking car.” I desired to appear affluent (minus the bank account).

So feeling over-confident about my negotiation skills, I headed off to a local used car dealership, perusing the lot for the auto of my choice, doing everything that is customary, short of kicking the tires.

The owner of the establishment–a tall gentleman with a bright-colored tie and a Texas drawl–came up to me and I began my wheeling and dealing before he even got a chance to speak a word.

I was not a rube, nor had I recently been on any turnip truck.

I knew the ropes.

So instead of inquiring of this fellow what the price was on a Grand Marquis I was eyeballing, I leaped in and told him what I was going to pay for it, thinking that it must be much more in asking price, and that I was setting myself up for a great deal.

I failed to notice the small smile that came across his face when he heard my numerical offer. What I noted were his eyebrows, which quickly furrowed, passing on the impression that he was in great consternation over considering my low offer for such a high premium Mercury.

He suggested that the price should be a little bit higher, and proffered a couple of numbers, but I stood firm–and in no time at all, we were in his office, signing papers.

I couldn’t help but gloat, especially after my signature was on the form and I knew the rich-looking car was mine.

It was at this point that the salesman, possessing very little actual conscience, discovered a few remnants, apparently had taken a liking to me, and so choked up one little fact about the car that may have missed my brilliant observance.

He said, “You do know that 172,000 miles on the odometer is the actual mileage, right?”

Well, I didn’t, but pretended I did, because I was in the throes of a prideful lunacy.

So long story short, his conscience did not last very long. He shook my hand and I drove exactly thirty-one miles before my car broke down.

Since it was sold “as is,” any hopes of retrieving my money…well, was.

Gone, that is.

There were a few times that this car was a blessing, but more what you might call “tin-tank prodigal son.”

Since then I’ve learned to never be too sure of what you want.

And certainly, find out the asking price before you negotiate your final deal.

 

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Askew

Askew: (adv & adj) wrong and awrydictionary with letter A

We should probably make up our minds.

Although it is popular to extol the virtue of walking the straight and narrow, and being considered “normal” in our politically correct environment, it is always the opinion, attitude and askew appearance of the well-promoted standard that gets all the attention.

I remember recently walking into a motel room where there were three pictures hanging on the wall, but only one gained my focus.

It was askew.

The other two faithfully adhered to the wall in straight lines and were barely noticeable.

I fidgeted with the crooked picture for ten minutes, trying to get it aligned with the others, only to discover that it was bent, uneven and therefore unwilling.

We must decide:

Are we going to applaud the individuals who respect the common good and quietly live a life of needful submission to reason?

Or are we going to put the cameras of our news media on the bent and twisted individuals who disrupt society with their paranoia or mania?

Many things in our world are askew.

  • Some of them are intriguing and curious and worth a quick “look and see.”
  • Others are dangerous and tip us precariously on the verge of social, spiritual or even physical Armageddon.

How can we tell the difference? We have to decide if the picture on the wall needs to be straightened or if it can remain crooked.

Feel free to call me a little obsessive-compulsive, but the picture on the wall of my motel room which was askew–well, I removed it and set it in the corner.

It did not have the right to be part of the beauty of my world.

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Ask

Ask: (v) request (someone) to do or give something.dictionary with letter A

“There’s no harm in asking.”

Did you ever notice that some old sayings are not only aged, but they’re also dead and should be buried?

For after all, everyone knows there can be great harm in asking. There’s always the danger that somebody will yell at you for being so presumptuous as to make the request. Shall I also mention that there are folks who can be very hostile in their denial?

So you can come out of the experience bruised, gaining nothing.

That’s why I think it’s important to learn ching and chang.

Now most of you know what ching is. Ching is that energy we have that propels us to do our work or pursue our dreams. It’s the spring in our step; it’s the explosion of hope that causes us to keep going.

But most people don’t talk about our chang. Chang is the needed optimism which we must possess in order to continue to be of good cheer about our lives instead of beginning to look like abused children who flinch every time somebody raises a hand,

Without chang, our ching begins to look desperate instead of eager.

And our chang can only handle so many disappointments and negative responses from other people before we start getting jaded. Once jaded, we no longer ask–we demand, which lessens our possibility for a good response.

So I often don’t ask at all, because my chang cannot afford to be depleted by the grumpy response of the sourpuss standing before me.

There is harm in asking. That’s why, before I ask, I gauge three temperatures:

  1. Who am I talking to?
  2. Are they really willing to be positive?
  3. Will I survive a no?

Try it. I think you’ll like it.

  • Because the ching in our lives is essential to give us a motor for our boat.
  • But the chang is the sense of true joy that keeps our boat from getting holes and sinking.

 

 

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Asinine

Asinine: (adj) extremely stupid or foolish.dictionary with letter A

I’ve even see an “ass-i-eight.”

I’ve seen it go down as low as “ass-i-one.”

The ability to make an ass out of oneself, or to do it as a congregation, group or club, is not only common but fairly simple. To achieve this asinine condition, all one has to do is ignore the following concepts:

1. What I’m saying has to have truth, viability, history, science and awareness.

Once you ignore that idea, you can pretty much guarantee that the next thing out of your mouth, or your next action, will be asinine.

2. I should be concerned about how my actions and words will affect others.

If you can eschew this logic, you can dismantle powerful ideas and people’s emotions without ever worrying about it arriving safe and sound–at asinine.

3. There probably will be a tomorrow, so I should be a little concerned about today’s activities, because they will carry over.

Yes, once you’ve conditioned yourself to believe that “tomorrow will take care of itself,” what you do today can be haphazard and careless–and undoubtedly provide you with the embrace of the asinine.

Being asinine is the abandonment of any notion of caution or concern. After all, “it’s my life.”

Why should I involve you or any particular code in my consideration?

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Aside

Aside: (adj) a remark by a character in a play that is intended to be heard by the audience but unheard by the other characters in the play.dictionary with letter A

In my mind’s eye, comedy is much more efficient, powerful and funny when it’s delivered by people who know how to be serious.

A generation of wise-cracking clowns, who think that the only goal in achieving acceptance is to get people to giggle no matter how many breaches they may make in personal sensitivity, is not my idea of a night of theater.

Our generation is full of too many people who make asides.

If they were making “aside comments” just in an attempt to be clever, I could attribute it to the pursuit of mirth. But I feel that many aside comments are spoken because the speaker is afraid to talk to power.

It is amazing to me how politicians are bold when they’re hanging around their constituency or the “good ole boys club” and then, when their feet are held to the fire for the words they uttered, they immediately back-pedal and deny everything, including their birth mother.

I think you have to take three things into consideration when you speak words from your mouth:

  1. Do you believe it enough to stand by it?
  2. Can you say it in a way that at least has some potential for being constructive instead of just critical?
  3. Are you willing to be wrong and change your mind?

I know that comedians hide behind the mask of “just kidding,” but humor is much more effective when it is both funny and truthful.

I do not judge those who tell jokes by how foul their language is. I know there are people who feel the minute any “blue talk” enters the performance, that everything said is tainted and evil. I don’t agree. I don’t mind a little “street lingo” if somebody is funny, telling the truth and trying to progress us as human beings in the right direction.

I don’t like asides.

I understand why they’re used in plays–so as to make the audience aware of an inside joke or twist in plot.

But in real life, they’re often cheap and show an unwillingness to be forthcoming.

 

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Asian

Asian: (adj) of or relating to Asia or its people, customs, or languages.dictionary with letter A

True ignorance is any notion or false concept that would lead us to believe that we’re not ignorant.

I have spent my entire life trying to free myself from the ignorance of suspicion which was infused in me as a young man growing up in Middle America.

Although I can speak of my triumphs of creating a section of my brain that is prejudice-free and bent on equality, I must tell you that I will never be totally absent “eyeballing bigotry.”

“Eyeballing bigotry” is that first thought that pops into our minds when we see anybody who’s different from us and therefore doesn’t immediately gain acceptance. Of course, we reject this first impression in favor of more enlightened views, but it is still there.

  • Black people still see white people.
  • White people still see Asians.
  • Asians still see Hispanics.

Well, it goes on and on.

I think there are three keys to achieving the kind of natural maturity that will help us get along with each other, accept one another, find our similarities and generate tolerance:

1. Deep in my heart, I don’t believe there’s any difference between races and genders.

2. Yet in some corner of my brain, I still see your color and sex.

3. So let’s laugh about it.

When my son returned from China with his wife, who was most certainly Chinese, I was completely comfortable, overjoyed and pleased with his glorious emotional acquisition. Yet the Midwest boy returned and I felt a bit uncomfortable at first–being “whitey” in the presence of the Asian girl. Rather than taking it seriously, I laughed at it, because not only was she intelligent, beautiful, valuable and present, but also in many ways she was more American than me. At least in a “hip” sense.

So it’s not so much that we occasionally burst forth with the ridiculous statement that Asians are “good in mathematics but horrible drivers” as it is essential that we follow that with the immediate realization of the limitations of such a proclamation–and giggle at ourselves.

In so doing, we won’t be looking for evil empires, dark religions and sinister terrorists, but instead, take the world on one by one–as solitary people.

 

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Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday: (n) the first day of Lent in the Western Christian Church, marked by services of penitence.dictionary with letter A

I like making lemonade.

The recipe is simple. Make it strong and sweet, and then add water to taste. If you’re going to put it over ice, you don’t really need to add any water.

You don’t have to come up with the perfect blend as long as you don’t make it too weak to begin with. Because after all, it is impossible to make stronger lemonade after you’ve already watered it down.

The same is true with people.

I would much rather have them strong and let time, experience and wisdom add the water of humility to them. Making them weak through anemic philosophy and then being upset with them when they fail at tasks or don’t have the gumption to keep up and continue is mean-spirited.

Faith offers us the pungency of life and then nature waters us down with humility. We don’t need religion to come along and tell us how weak we really are or smear ashes on our faces during Ash Wednesday to confirm our decrepit condition.

Life does a real good job with that.

So when we tell people they’re “filthy sinners” and they’re “unworthy” and they come face-to-face with life, which will also mercilessly point out their inadequacies, we are not raising children of the kingdom of God, but rather, nervous, twitching, frustrated and cowering victims.

  • Jesus did not come to take away our lives, but instead, to give us life.
  • Jesus did not come to temper our joy, but instead, to give us full joy.
  • Jesus did not come to tell us that we are bland and have no salt, or dim and have no light. He proclaimed us the “light of the world,” flavored with the “salt of the earth.”

As for me. I do not need ashes smeared on my face to remind me that I am often sullied by my own vices and weaknesses.

What I need is a faith that lifts me up so that when my lemonade is diluted … it still tastes sweet.

 

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