Category Archives: B words

Bartender

Bartender: (n) a person who mixes and serves drinks at a bar.Dictionary B

Most of the spirits that have come into me have entered through my soul instead of my mouth.

I am not a drinker. I am not self-righteous about it–it’s just not a part of my practice.

I do overeat.

I under-exercise.

It’s not as if I don’t participate in human activities that are capable of pleasure but also can quickly become foibles.

For me, it has always been an inability to get over the taste. Recently recovering from a throat condition, I was astounded at how horrible cough syrup is to ingest. To purposefully pour such intense fluid down my gullet on an ongoing basis is beyond my comprehension.

It started when I was eighteen years old and went on a trip to Nashville, Tennessee, with my soon-to-be wife. We decided to go out to a bar to catch some lively “Music City” entertainment. This particular establishment had a two-drink minimum. That meant you had to order two alcoholic beverages to be able to sit and listen to the music. I probably could have ordered a soft drink, but at age eighteen, such ineffective communication of maturity was unacceptable. I was allowed to order a drink, so a drink would be ordered.

I asked for a Michelob. When it came to the table, I took a huge gulp, which nearly regurgitated back in my direction.

It was so terrible.

I saw other people sitting around drinking it freely, as if it were some sort of pleasurable experience. Years later, working with a group of artists in Louisiana, we thought it was extraordinarily Continental to order wine with our dinner. After a couple of weeks of this practice, I had to turn to my companions and tell them that I was ruining my hamburger by having to survive my vino.

I say all this to admit to you that talking about a mixologist–or a bartender, in this case–is really beyond my scope. The only bartender I actually knew was a fellow I met in California. He was a minister who tended bar part-time in order to counsel and help folks who were drowning some of their sorrows in liquid refreshment.

I doubt if he’s a typical purveyor of the intoxicants. I’ve often admired bartenders in movies, mixing their blends together with such style and speed.

But I am the worst person in the world to write an article on bartending.

So I think I will stop.

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Barring

Barring: (prep) except for; if not for.Dictionary B

Democracy is a bitch.

Just about the time you think she’s going to be faithful to your cause, she turns her back and flirts with other suitors not to your liking.

It’s the nature of allowing free will to have its way. Democracy refuses for you to steal choice from others.

Barring a miscarriage of justice, gay people in this country will be given complete rights and eventually be absorbed into the consciousness, to become either contributors to the common good or aggravating irritants.

There’s nothing that can be done about it, nor should anything be done. Otherwise, my freedom might get attacked by jerks.

Barring us becoming a religious nation guided by only one opinion, the United States will always fuss and fumble its way to granting the leniency of opinion to all of its citizens.

Such consideration does not eliminate prejudice, it just points an accusing finger in its direction.

Religious folks just need to understand that when it comes to the Christian way of thinking, the founder of our faith, Jesus, freely admitted that there are matters that are solely the concern of Caesar. And there are also decisions which can only be rendered in fairness by considering the love of God.

Barring insanity taking over our country, we will be a confused, arguing clump of often-grumbling citizens who in the long run, reluctantly agree to allow diversity.

 

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Barrier

Barrier: (n) a fence or other obstacle that prevents movement or access.Dictionary B

Prejudice is not just what I feel. It is also what is felt.

Candidly, I can have the most open heart in the world and be confronted with closed minds. Prejudice does not go away until the barriers are torn down.

A fence is a confirmation that isolation is required.

So when we talk about culture, customs and attributes of a particular race or nationality, we are creating barriers. Therefore we become overly optimistic about our ability to accept difference.

We are only able to comprehend difference when it contains some elements of similarity. In other words, “this is the way you celebrate Christmas, and it’s like the way I celebrate Christmas in this way.”

I am greatly concerned that in our attempt to tout universality, we are actually building walls between one another which only force us into deeper loneliness.

  • I don’t like barriers. I tear them down.
  • I don’t like it when people say that some clump reacts in a certain way.
  • I don’t like it when religion is used to separate the sheep from the goats, instead of finding unity within the herd.
  • I don’t like barriers of righteousness or boundaries of nuisance.
  • What will it take for us to finally realize that the more we try to be open-minded, the less we’re actually able to focus our love and attention?

Barriers tell us we’re different.

They are dangerous because once we believe we’re different … we quietly start pursuing our differences.

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

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Barren

Barren: (adj) unproductive and infertileDictionary B

In case you do not understand that we live in a world of misogyny, you must take into consideration the word “barren.” It is a term that we normally associate with a woman who is incapable of conceiving a child.

Matter of fact, it is one of the three “B words” applied to the female of our species to degrade them and make them seem hopelessly dysfunctional in everyday life, and of course, incapable of leadership.

Barren Bickering Bitches.

These are the three “B’s” that are tied to our ladies to create a snicker in the testosterone-driven world, and to confirm our assertion that women are best when beating a path between the bedroom and the kitchen.

We never say that a man who has dead sperm is “barren.” He is just “unable to make babies” or has a shortage of some chemical in him which can be assisted by medication.

But darned tootin’–if a woman has an unwilling uterus, she is both unproductive and infertile, thus barren.

Men debate. Women bicker.

Men object. Women bitch.

There is a systematic bigotry instilled into our society, not just by the penis crowd, but also propagated by enough vaginas to keep it alive and functioning.

So every time I hear the word “barren” I see a woman in the desert, panting for water … while simultaneously wishing that she could conceive a baby.

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

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Barrel

Barrel: (n) a cylindrical container bulging out in the middle, traditionally made of wooden stavesDictionary B

Imagine my surprise when I first discovered that monkeys didn’t actually come in barrels.

I don’t even know where that saying came from. I’m a little surprised that PETA has not lodged a formal objection to the whole concept.

It astounds me how certain words evoke images in my mind, often without rhyme or reason. When I hear the word “barrel” I think of the hard candies I used to eat, called Root Beer Barrels, which seemed to last four days in your mouth.

I also think about the rustic planters I put in my front yard for a season, which were called “half-barrels,” and held soil for showcasing pretty flowers.

But the “barrel of monkeys” thing keeps popping back to my brain and annoying my sensibility. Because if you think about it, a barrel of monkeys would be much more frustrating than fun.

Could it be that somewhere along the line someone actually had a whole barrel of monkeys, and they were desperately trying to get rid of them, so they put out an ad in the local circular, trying to get somebody to purchase the damn things so they wouldn’t have to deal with a bunch of wiggling and squiggling primates?

Yes, maybe that’s where all the erroneous ideas have come from–some hapless individual is desperately trying to get out from under a bad investment and comes up with an advertising spin to market a fiasco.

Maybe that’s why we still call it a “Presidential campaign.”

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

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Barrage

Barrage: (n) a concentrated artillery bombardment over a wide area.Dictionary B

I have lived long enough that the term “pacifist” has become a dirty word.

How amazing.

It used to be honorable. Even though we considered it to be optimistic, those who held that position were given the regard due them for selecting an anti-war profile.

I have two problems with war.

First of all, it kills people. I guess that’s pretty self-explanatory.

But the second thing I have against war is more hidden and deceptive. War creates destruction while seeming to be honorable.

To me, that is the description of the mission statement of hell.

We need to realize that when guns are fired, bullets are expelled and therefore, human beings are put in jeopardy. Is it possible for us to dislike other folks so much that we want to mutilate them, or at least place them in a barrage, with an ongoing state of terror?

I have never had a gun fired at me. But even having a gun fired near me can be a soul-rattling experience.

What is it like to hear airplanes overhead, fully aware that they are going to bomb you and that your selected place of hiding may very well be insufficient?

Is war necessary?

I really don’t think that’s the question. That’s like somebody explaining why they double-park. It makes complete sense to them in the moment, and the disregard they have for others is righteously overcome by their personal need.

War needs to be avoided–or at the very least, never rationalized.

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

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Barracuda

Barracuda: (n) a large, predatory tropical marine fish with a slender body and large jaws and teeth.Dictionary B

Some things are creepy:

  • Rough toilet paper
  • Bratty babies
  • And big fish with teeth

As intimidated as I may be by a shark, a barracuda is really bone-chilling.

I guess it’s because I like the idea of fish who gum their worms instead of fish who bite my leg.

Matter of fact, I almost refuse to think about it.

If it weren’t for the Wilson sisters and the rock band, Heart, I would never have allowed my brain to think about “barracuda.” And the word only became tolerable as Ann Wilson cooed it out as a seductive come-on in their hit song.

I don’t know why it sounds sexy to me–that a woman would be a barracuda–but I guess there’s just enough perversion within my being that having a lady chomp on me seems erotic.

I know.

I’m crazy.

But I don’t think I’m alone, because they sold … a lot of records. 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

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Baroque

Baroque: (adj) relating to or denoting a style of European architecture, music, and art of the 17th and 18th centuriesDictionary B

The definition of radical is anything that the present crop of mortals is unaccustomed to doing.

If we understood that, we would have a better sense of reviewing what truly is beneficial to us, and what is silly and frivolous.

Such is the case with baroque music.

Somewhere along the line, some radical composers decided that the left hand on the piano should not remain limp and stagnant. It was customary, coming out of the era of Gregorian chants, for music to be simple and nearly haunting.

The idea of movement, rhythm and harmony reeked of devilish implications.

I can’t imagine the bravery of these composers, who decided to put motion to the emotion of music, and generate bass lines that complemented the melody line, to create an entire composition instead of merely augmenting chords with parallel notes.

I will tell you that baroque is the Great-Grandpappy of rock and roll. Every time you hear groups like Yes, Queen, The Who and Kansas play their tunes, you must realize that they are merely mimicking the bold strokes and ingenious determination of craftsmen like Johann Sebastian Bach.

So I smile whenever a new style of music comes along and those sitting in the stands jeer because it doesn’t quite perform to their particular liking.

If we can’t be brave in our compositions of music, how we will ever dare to insist that love can change the world?

Yes–“all we need is love.”

By the way, John Lennon and Paul McCartney were equally as infected by baroque.

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

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Baron

Baron: (n) a member of the lowest order of the British nobility.Dictionary B

In America we call it “middle management.”

It’s a big clump of human laborers who have been promoted to a salaried position with no real power to make executive decisions. They are a little higher than the ground forces, but not worthy to take the boots off the general.

They are also usually very obnoxious.

Because privately, these middle management “barons” are aware that they are powerless and somewhat insignificant, so they choose to usurp great authority over the ones they consider to be “lesser.”

You can always identify them because they tout their status:

  • Assistant Manager
  • Junior Vice President
  • Floor Director
  • Second in Command
  • Project Manager
  • Chief Inspector
  • Shift Representative
  • Deputy Director

They have titles which have no real definition–only letters which fill space.

Because they no longer want to be common laborers but do not have the passion to be uncommon laborers and ascend to true management, they establish turf which they are willing to guard with their very life blood.

They are barons.

And they are barren of thought, they are barren of authority and often they are barren … of any future in the company.

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

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Barometer

Barometer: (n) an instrument measuring atmospheric pressureDictionary B

Sometimes a barometer is just a barometer.

In other words, it is some sort of instrument that measures the pressure in the atmosphere, to let us know when it’s going to rain or whether we have at least the possibility for some sunshine (even though I am both perplexed and perturbed when the forecast reads, “partly cloudy.” Dammit, make up your mind.)

But in the passing of time, the word “barometer” has been abducted and held for ransom by writers as a term to punctuate any change that happens in society.

In other words, “the barometer of consideration on the Internet lets us know…”

Or the pollsters took some numbers, and “the barometer of the reaction was…”

So tempted as I may be to waddle down that chicken trail of pop culture jargon to make some point about humanity and our times, I will refrain, and allow the barometer to have its space and distinction.

But if I were to add any insight on the issue, I would tell you that the atmospheric pressure of our times is a pair of contentions: humanity is either all animal or is intended to be angelic.

No one seems to want to let people be human–a little classier than Monkeyville, and on the other side of the tracks from Gabriel and the angels.

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy