Tag Archives: genatalia

Banish

Banish (v): to send someone away from a country or place as an official punishment.Dictionary B

All through my teenage years, I used my arrogance as a means of establishing dominance. And of course, dominance seemed to grant me justification for my arrogance.

I was convinced I was valuable.

I was energized by my obvious ability, and I had no comprehension of anyone disagreeing with my self-assessment.

All the time, I was quietly making enemies.

These enemies were silent out of fear of my intense attitude mingled with some respect for my accomplishments.

  • They were waiting.
  • They were biding their time, looking for me to fall.
  • And I did.

In my era, I committed the worst possible breach of local protocol–I got my girlfriend pregnant in a time when young people were not supposed to have any awareness of their genitalia.

On top of that, I was a good church-going boy who now was the father of a baby out of wedlock.

I needed wisdom.

I needed mercy.

I needed to know what the hell to do next.

But since I had never expressed vulnerability, no one allowed me the courtesy of being wounded. They took all of the pent-up anger and frustration over my self-righteousness, and banished me and my girlfriend to an island by ourselves, where we were viewed as outcasts and a disgrace to the populace.

Now, I’m sure my reflections may seem overwrought, and the testimony of others who lived through the era might render a different tale.

But banishment is not the reality of the action. Instead, it is the sensation of the loneliness.

And I was lonely–so lonely that I considered aborting the very child that made my union with this dear woman viable.

I didn’t.

I survived the banishment and I guess my village got over all of my hypocritical indiscretion.

Life went on.

The amazing thing is that I have found myself many times possessing the same seat of judgment, with the ability to levy punishment against others and banish them from my sight.

I cannot tell you that my record is spotless and that I’ve always been a just judge.

But thank God, often the memory of being solitary and confined to my own iniquity and mistakes has caused me to extend tenderness … instead of shoving the problem-makers away.

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Antipruritic

dictionary with letter AAntipruritic: (n) a type of drug used to relieve itching.

Life is a farce.

The sooner you realize it and become comfortable with the idea, the more proficient you will be at achieving your goals and the less resentful toward the overall comedy.

Let’s look at the basic rollout:

When we’re young enough to have energy and the passion to drive us to participate, we’re too stupid to do anything of quality. After we survive the “season of stupidities,” we gain the intelligence to make better choices, but we’re too exhausted to enact them.

Isn’t that hilarious? It’s an invitation from the Creator to relax and not take things too seriously.

Because when I was twelve years old, I got naked with a bunch of my friends, and slid down the bank of a creek in Oklahoma into an ice-cold pond, to skinny-dip.

The water was so cold that there was no room for ridicule because all of our genitalia disappeared. It was a blast.

But since we were young, inexperienced and mentally flawed, we had no idea of the local terrain, vegetation or possible perils.

So about three days later, I discovered–on my bummer side–that I had contracted poison sumac. I didn’t even know what sumac was. (Actually, I would have been happy to go through the rest of my life dwelling in that ignorance.)

It itched like poison sumac sounds like it would, and since it was on my backside, it had an inclination to “go west, young man,” and creep up to my more non-scratchable areas.

I needed to do something.

I tried every over-the-counter antipruritic–and the relief lasted only the length of time it took to smear it on, pull on my underwear and take two steps.

Nothing helped.

Apparently, this particular strain of sumac was well-versed in medical treatment.

After numerous attempts to relieve my scratchiness, one day I found a huge clump of ice which was left over from a fishing trip, where the catch of the day was kept frigid.

A thought came to my mind. If no one was looking, perhaps I could pull down my underwear and sit on the ice.

So I did.

At first it stung. Then it burned.

But when it froze, I found God.

It was a little embarrassing to go around my tiny village trying to acquire large chunks of ice, but it was the only thing that brought me any sense of contentment, and kept my “sumacian” enemy from attacking the neighbors.

It took about two weeks–but it finally went away.

I think it’s safe to say, I put that one on ice.

 

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Alimony

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Alimony: (n) a husband or wife’s court-ordered provision for a spouse after a divorce.

It comes down to discovering when it is permissible to be emotional. I personally think it is good to be emotional about spiritual things:

  • Loving your neighbor as yourself.
  • Feeling compassion for those in need.
  • And getting more juiced up about singing the praises of life instead of droning out a dull hymn.

On the other hand, when it comes to matters of the heart, I think running our lives solely on emotional data is very dangerous. Basically, the typical American marriage runs in three phases:

  1. You are so hot I can’t keep my hands off you.
  2.  It’s been a while since we’ve been hot–maybe we should get our hands on each other.
  3. Hands off.

The reason this happens is because we don’t take into consideration the many aspects of marriage other than sexual ecstacy. Let me tell you what I think the four things are that make up a good marriage, and how I believe each one is perfectly balanced by keeping an eye on the others.

1. Sex. Actually, I think it should be in fourth place, because it turns out that it’s better after the other three have been enacted with fervor. But I’ll keep it at the top of the list to keep your interest in my article.

2. Finance. Partnering with someone else is often a good way to stay solvent. If not, you have to start doing things like paying child support, alimony and lawyers to be your mouthpiece.

3. Status. Our society is set up for people to be together, work together, plan together and even interact fiscally in pairs.

4. Children. Once you give up on a marriage, whether you like it or not, the earthquake sends aftershocks through the entire family. You can fake it, act mature, and present yourselves as upbeat individuals who can maintain two or three different lives, but even though divorce and child custody are practiced in our society, our art and entertainment more truthfully portray them as implausible.

If two intelligent people will figure out a way to hold things together because of the children, consider the status they have by being united, garner the potential of the second income, and then take a bit of giddiness from the three discoveries into the bedroom, you might be surprised how many people could stay together, instead of chasing the dream of new genitalia.

Yes, being adult is considering the plus and the minus in every situation, and discovering a great compromise. Short of abuse or neglect, marriage can avoid alimony by appreciating what we’ve got and working with it, knowing that just like the seasons … hot and cold come in their time.