Cutter

Cutter: (n) a person who repeatedly inflicts self-injury by cutting the skin, as to cope with negative emotions.

Her mother told me that Denise was “a cutter.”

Mother asked me if I knew what that meant. I did.

But it didn’t deter her from continuing to explain—vividly—the numerous times that knife went to flesh, carving out a hideous landscape of despair.

She tried to explain the diagnosis and the opinions the psychiatrist had for the source of the grief felt by Denice.

I listened. Well, no. I actually didn’t.

I was polite.

The reason I didn’t give much heed to the conversation was that I have learned a valuable lesson:

The power of “I don’t.”

  • I don’t know what I’m doing.
  • I don’t understand, even though I’ve been educated.
  • I don’t have the power to save people.
  • I don’t have sure-fire solutions to motivate change.

I don’t know what to do to stop a lovely young girl from defacing the beauty of her earthly canvas.

She likes to cut herself. She says it relieves tension and guilt.

It gives her a sense of temporary redemption from the screaming demons in her soul.

I don’t have the cosmic energy to take this damaged child of God and lift her out of her anguish.

What I have is “I do.”

I do have the possibility of screwing her up even further.

So I sat down and talked to her for about five minutes—mainly about myself. She even seemed somewhat interested. She was perplexed—because I’m sure she thought I was just another “healer” who had come to try to rescue her from herself.

I wasn’t.

You see, I do care. But I don’t have miracles.

I do love Denice as my fellow-traveler. But I don’t have magical potions or mysterious words to break the spell.

Sometimes it’s just good to know how limited we are so we can avoid the need to prove a point, and instead, emotionally embrace those who are hurting and hope—yes, hope—that some of the virtue of affection transfuses.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Chart

Chart: (n) a sheet of information which is a diagram

My brain sometimes pauses, not yet convinced of the validity of any particular opinion. In other words, I could argue it either way.

In my personal life, I’m very organized. At least, I think I am. Yet there is a vanity to even stating such a mercurial thought as a fact. Am I
organized? Or just more organized than the person next to me?

Yet I do get around human travelers who insist on living a totally spontaneous life, and to some degree it works for them. They’re always looking for surprises, luck, miracles and good fortune to blow their way, but there is a certain charm to their presumption.

It begs the question: can organisms be organized?

The classic line of defining futility by comparing it to herding cats is true with almost every creature. No living, breathing animal on the face of the Earth likes to be told what to do. Yet each one, in some strange way, finds a plan of action that keeps them from being cold in the winter and too hot in the summer.

So what is the power of charting our lives to such a degree that there is little awareness of the element of chaos (which certainly will arrive)?

I think it may just be as simple as realizing that a line item which appears on our “Things to Do Today” list may very well still be there next week.

 

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Bottom Line

Bottom line: (n) the final total of a financial document

If you’re not willing to flirt with some poverty, you’ll never make out rich.Dictionary B

It’s true.

There is such a thing as “safe money,” which remains the same because it is a salary given to you to procure your services by someone who owns a company–who is risking that paying you will end up paying him or her more.

If I had trusted the bottom line in my life, I would not have done ninety percent of the things I pursued. And even if fifty percent of those ended up either failing or having mediocre results, I still have a tremendous compilation of miracles, experiences, friends, creations and adventures to tout because I took a chance … on good things.

 

 

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Blue

Blue: (v) to make or become blue.

Dictionary B

Often life arrives in a very pale shade, threatening despair, and I too quickly grab the “blues” to darken it.

Yes, I have a fear that things are not going to go well. I will admit it.

To me, optimism always seems to be a trap–similar to being informed that you have a great amount of cash waiting for you in a Nigerian bank.

After a while, you stop believing in miracles, but unfortunately also lose your ability to accept reality but instead, interpret all your life through a prism of “blue.”

I know there are depressions which are caused by deficiencies in the human body, but there are also depressions we permit to settle in because the contortions of greater effort or hilarious hope are just too painful.

How much light does it take to change blue to faith?

I don’t know. And I certainly cannot convince myself that pursuing such virtue is always plausible.

Maybe I could just stop using my blue crayon to color in the pictures quite so often.

 

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Bearing

Bearing: (n) a person’s way of standing or moving.Dictionary B

It’s one of those old-fashioned words that only comes up during a conversation about a period piece in a movie,

“He or she carried himself or herself with great bearing.”

Unfortunately, even though the word is not commonly used, the surrounding fluff and circumstance still exist. Yes, there is an attitude we feel is necessary for human beings to confirm that they are getting their way and being accounted for something.

We believe this to be a balance of conceit and temperance. Therefore, since we’re not very good at temperance, we tolerate conceit in one another until we get sick of it and find a way to tear the conceited fool down, making him or her look stupid.

It seems to be a national pastime.

“Let’s build these people up, let them get conceited, and then criticize them when they get arrogant.”

It may be this generation’s goal to redefine “bearing.” Maybe we could establish that what makes human beings powerful is using their ability without advertising their horsepower.

It’s what we all like.

Damn, we just love someone who comes along and can pull off near-miracles without bragging about walking on water.

Yet simultaneously, we advertise that self-worth is established by waving your flag and insisting you’ve taken the hill.

We are in an odd time. So may I redefine “bearing?”

It is the process of finding something you can do, getting better at it before you advertise yourself, and then being satisfied with the fruits of your labor instead of requiring worship from the mob. 

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Apparition

dictionary with letter A

Apparition (n.) a remarkable thing that makes a sudden appearance, especially a ghost.

I believe in ghosts.

Not the cloudy, smoky spirits of souls who have gone on to their reward or retribution. I’m talking about the ghosts of bad ideas, inclinations and fallacies that possessed our world in the past, and now have come to haunt us in the present.

  • Sometimes I just wish we could come up with new bad ideas.
  • Sometimes I just wish there was something new.

But instead we have the poltergeist of previous ridiculous concepts rising up from the grave, where we thought we buried it, only to spook us once again.

We don’t have new scandals. We have the spirit of Richard Nixon and Watergate infesting the present bodies of our politicians, making them do the same stupid mistakes he tried to pull off, which ended up with his destruction.

We don’t have music born of the spirituality and emotions of our own generation, but rather, grave-robbers who go and dig up the tunes of those who are now decomposing.

We are continually vexed by the apparitions of past failures or the ongoing celebration of victories, where the band has already played and marched away.

We spend too much time celebrating the past, forgetting the prejudice, disease and dumbness that prevailed.

I believe in ghosts because we refuse to inter the past.

So we just keep living this stuff over and over again … like a bunch of tales from the crypt.

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Apparent

dictionary with letter A

Apparent (adj.)1. clearly seen or understood; obvious. 2. seeming real, but not necessarily so.

All of our eyeballs have been blurred, leaving our vision tainted.

Perhaps it was the disappointment brought on by the tension of adolescence, or some hidden prejudice inserted into our thinking by well-meaning parents.

It might have been high expectation which was dashed and brought crashing to the earth by the flak of reality.

Somewhere along the line we began looking at the world through clouded lenses of bigoted conclusions.

Therefore what is apparent to one person is not equally as apparent to another. Matter of fact, we’ve developed a whole philosophical approach to the issue, insisting that we’re all quite different, and in our difference we find our “special purpose.”

Yet it doesn’t occur to us that if we all have different views of what is necessary, beautiful and spiritual, we’re more likely to collide into each other in the dark than to embrace each other in the light.

I do think it’s important that we come to some common ground on what is apparent, and even if we don’t completely understand it, submit to the wisdom of some very essential precepts:

1. We are not here alone.

In other words, we cannot live our lives as if there are no other human beings, and trying to pursue our goals without a belief in a Creator can be more frustrating than enriching.

2. The truth will make you free.

Lying is a detour which takes you through town, past the beautiful houses, but always ends up at the city dump. No one ever gets away with lying–and truthfully, the longer the deceit is disguised, the worse the retribution.

3. Miracles are God’s business, but talent is mine.

There is no replacement for ability applied with hard work. Those who peddle shortcuts, easy diet plans and get-rich schemes may be the closest thing we will ever see to flesh-and-blood satans.

There are things which are apparent. If we agree, we can begin to pull together instead of pushing and shoving each other. But to get this done, we must stop believing that the Earth is a series of human islands instead of a continent of brothers and sisters.

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