Cynical

Cynical: (adj) bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic

I can’t imagine what goddamn reason I can come up with for writing these essays every day of my life.

Am I so freakishly insecure that I must beg at the feet of the inconsiderate and preoccupied?

Did I get turned down too many times in high school for dates, causing me to yearn for some glance of approval?

I don’t know.

But it certainly can’t be to win over your affection.

Do you have any? I mean, outside of your great admiration for the mirror and thousands of pictures of your children on your Facebook account.

Is there anything that moves you—except when your dog stands in a cute position just prior to pooping on your floor?

Am I really supposed to survive another season of pretending to encourage the illiterate American public to go to a voting booth to pull the lever for the person they think is the most obnoxious in his or her ads?

I don’t know what possesses my soul—if I have one—to contend that one more feeble attempt from my weary writer’s brain will perhaps dent the surface of the Planet Mars, which is level of the American public’s receptivity.

What is wrong with me?

Who would possibly care about a word from the dictionary which I happen to explore from the perspective of my journey?

Isn’t there another rerun of a remake on Netflix that could provide a binge-watch for bragging rights?

Now understand, this was not written in an effort to be cynical.

It is cynical.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cute

Cute: (adj) attractive, appealing and delightful

There are many foolish things a man can do—like trying to shave while driving down the highway.

But perhaps chief among the ridiculous is espousing a great understanding of women.

I’m not saying they’re mysterious.

But women do not always share a lingo with men when it comes to certain subjects.

I’m talking about sexuality.

I dare say that most women don’t use the word “sexy” unless they’re referring to their boyfriend or husband. Men, on the other hand, award the word “sexy” like certificates of participation at a third-grade class assembly.

Women are much more diverse. For instance:

“He’s nice.”

A kind comment—but also carries the heavier realization of, “I will never sleep with him.”

“He’s funny.”

This is a positive comment from a woman, but if she begins to believe that you’re ONLY funny, how could she ever get serious?

“He’s hard-working.”

Something she admires, but to her detriment, doesn’t always pursue.

But “he’s sexy,” in the female kingdom, is usually reserved for her romantic partner or—oh, yes—some Hollywood star.

So what word will tell you that a woman could consider you viable—not just a friend?

“He’s cute.”

Believe it or not, it’s the same word she might have used when she was in high school. But it opens a door in her brain which allows you, as a man, to become more than a chum to watch Netflix with on a Tuesday night.

In the realm of the female, I think you can pretty well take it to the bank:

“Cute” is a general nod of affection and a quiet proclamation of possibilities.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C