by J. R. Practix
Accolade: (n) an award or privilege granted as a special honor or as an acknowledgment of merit
Famous accolades or prizes you wish could be awarded to you:
1. Your wife does not chase you out of the kitchen because she’s afraid you’ll blow up the blender.
2. Your husband comes home early from a night of being out with the guys to be with you, because he’s bored with their conversation.
3. Your boss asks your opinion and actually makes eye contact while you offer a suggestion.
4. The lovely young girl in the men’s section of the department store guesses your size, and it’s too small.
5. Your teenage son or daughter is not embarrassed to introduce you to his or her friends.
6. Your teenage son or daughter has a teacher who doesn’t giggle when he or she meets you.
7. Your minister actually preaches less the Sunday following your comment on a lengthy sermon.
8. Your banker smiles at you when you walk in the door instead of turning and darting into his office.
9. The guy in the meat department at the grocery store saves some “good steaks” for you because you’re such a good customer, while simultaneously frightening you with stories of what they’ve done to the “other meat.”
10. You look in the mirror and it’s not as bad as you thought.
11. It is as bad as you thought but the steam from the shower keeps you from looking in the mirror.
12. Your dog leaps in the air when you walk in the room, and even pees himself at the notion of being in your presence.
13. Your cat, who refuses to recognize that you exist, disappears one night without a trace. (Investigation still in progress . . .)
14. You finished your first tweet … and someone tweeted back.
15. You took your car to the dealership and found out that there was really nothing wrong with it, and even though they spent twenty minutes looking at it, they didn’t charge you because you are such a good customer.
16. You arrive at Kentucky Fried Chicken just as they’re about to close, and they ask you if you’d like all the leftover pieces they were going to throw away–free of charge.
17. The person you love thinks you’re loveable and sexy.
18. It’s a beautiful, sunshiny day, and you’ve found a radio station that plays music instead of just hits.
19. You die and arrive at the pearly gates and discover that Cloud 9 is available.
20. You have found new accolades that start your motor and keep you going, even though to some people, they appear to be insignificant.
Remember–an accolade is not something that the world considers to be worthy of consideration. An accolade is what YOU consider worthy of joyful appreciation … while you’re living in this world.