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Arm-wrestling

dictionary with letter A

Arm-wrestling: (n) a trial of strength in which two people sit opposite each other with one elbow resting on a table, clasp each other’s hands, and try to force each other’s arm down onto the table.

Dick was boisterous.

I must apologize for the ambiguity in that sentence. Let me rephrase.

My friend, Richard, had a tendency to be a bit pompous and overwrought. So at a gathering of family and friends, when the conversation had lulled–yet there was still enough chips and dip for everyone to hang around–it was suggested that we have an arm-wrestling competition.

Candidly, I normally quietly slink away from such adventures. It’s not because I’m a wimp. It’s not that I lack physical prowess. It’s just that at any particular time, you can link your paw with another person and discover that they have amazing arm strength–and you can end up looking like a real loser.

So I fell quiet.

Not Dick.

He claimed that he had never been beaten at arm-wrestling. Most of the men in the room were fairly confident that they could whip Dick at this adventure, so they gave him room and pretended he was the master he purported. It was an act of mercy.

But not Candace.

Yes, one of the women in the room decided to challenge Dick to a match.

Candace was strong. Somewhere in my consciousness, I was fully aware that she was capable of beating Dick. I was about to step in and change the subject to spare him the humiliation of the confrontation, when Dick piped up and said, “I could beat any girl.”

Such a bad move.

All the women in the room immediately rallied behind Candace and began to cheer for her, which forced the guys into the decision of either deserting Dick and their masculinity, or giving feigned support to the fool.

There were even some bets.

So Candace and Dick sat down and linked hands for the competition. One of the things I can tell you about arm-wrestling is that once you join your hand with another person, you almost immediately have an awareness of whether you can beat them.

When Richard got into his position with Candace he bleached white. He knew he was in trouble.

And in trouble he was. She whipped him in less than three seconds.

Not only was Dick totally flattened by the experience, but it was never forgotten. And every time after that, when he became prideful, Candace was available to remind him … of his greatest Waterloo.

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Arms

dictionary with letter A

Arms: (n) weapons and ammunition; armaments.

When you live in a world of violence, I guess it’s only logical that every word, in some way or another, gives reference to the mayhem.

But I will be honest with you. To me, arms are simply wonderful extenders so that my hands can stretch out further. Without them my hands would be stuck in my armpits and I would never be able to explore beyond my own three square feet.

Actually, I think it’s rather terrible that one of the most endearing parts of the human anatomy, the arms, is equated with death and destruction.

I love arms.

  • “She wrapped me in her arms.”
  • “He put his arms around her.”
  • “Sheltered in the arms of God.”

Arms are the action of reaching out and drawing close–not “ready, aim and fire.”

 

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Armpit

dictionary with letter A

Armpit: (n) 1. a hollow under the arm at the shoulder 2. a place regarded as unpleasant

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

In like manner, the stinky armpit gets the deodorant.

As I thought about “armpit” this morning, I realized how important this little crevice is to my thinking. Matter of fact, if you consider your cleansing habits, the armpit vies for preeminence with only one or two other parts.

And we all have horror stories of either forgetting to treat this area, ending up with a smelly mess, or spending the day curious if our adventures in washing proved to be successful.

It is a perfect example of the age-old wisdom that the less valuable parts of our being often get the most attention.

Matter of fact, in the throes of passion, as a symbol of true devotion and excitement, one might actually lean up and kiss that part on another human being to express total devotion and a complete lack of fear.

I know it has become popular to label certain regions as being the “armpit of the earth.” But at least in the case of the actual armpit, some well-placed cleaning up and deodorizing can render the location not only habitable, but sometimes pleasant.

There are people I have met who consider the armpit to be an erogenous zone. Yes, for a small area of skin that hides out between the arm and the torso, it has been given an awful lot of attention and special treatment.

Oh, that we all had such an agent to represent us.

Of course, maybe we do … if we’re capable of raising such a stink.

 

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Armour

dictionary with letter A

 

Armour: (n) 1. the metal coverings formerly worn by soldiers or warriors to protect the body in battle. 2. (v) provide someone with emotional, social, or other defenses.

In medieval times if you showed up wearing armour, people got the idea that you wanted to fight. Even though many of the knights were proud of the quality of their outer wear, it was usually worn for battle.

I point this out because when I was in high school sitting in a Sunday School class in a very conventional church and a scripture was read which gave direction to “put on the whole armour of God,” I raised my hand and questioned the prudence of such an endeavor.

I explained to the Sunday School teacher that since Jesus told us that we didn’t need to be afraid of evil, nor did we need to resist it, what was the sense of showing up in life looking like you were ready to kill people, seemingly convinced they were ready to destroy you?

The gentleman in charge of the class, probably not wanting to take on the teenage conclave in the first place, cleared his throat, commented to me that it was “an interesting question” and began to move on to the next point.

Possessing the combination of an inquisitive mind and an ass-hole stubbornness, I interrupted and said, “Well, I know it’s interesting or I wouldn’t have brought it up, but what do you think about it?”

His cheeks turned red, he gulped and said, “It’s the Bible. It must be right.”

Well, I wasn’t convinced.

I’m still not.

Christianity suffers from one fatal contradition.

How do we love our neighbor as ourselves and still live the defensive life of trying to kick the crap out of the devil? It’s just too easy to think that the devil is in the people we’re supposed to love.

It’s a great copout.

So even though some guy named Paul thought, many centuries ago, that he had discovered a clever analogy by using armour to describe awareness, I refuse to walk into life clad in metal garments which communicate that I’m scared to death of the world around me.

So I suppose if people want to hurt me they can.

But if they want to hug me, they will get flesh and blood … instead of tin.

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Armistice

dictionary with letter A

Armistice: (n) an agreement made by opposing sides in a war to stop fighting for a certain time; a truce.

All wars end.

Without them ending, we wouldn’t have enough time to procreate to make new soldiers to go off in battle to die.

So those in power determine that there is a way to get along with the enemy, creating terms of peace.

I guess common sense would dictate that we ask the important question, “Why couldn’t these same terms have been negotiated before we had to stack the bodies?”

Since rarely do the conditions of the termination of conflict satisfy either side totally, why couldn’t such a truce be negotiated in the head instead of chopping off heads?

There is an itch in humanity. It is an insecurity that makes us believe if we are not proclaimed superior to those around us, that we really have not achieved our goals.

  • We start calling ourselves “exceptional.”
  • We fling around high-sounding words such as “destiny.”
  • And we start believing we are doing the will of God by terminating a race of people who are obviously in His displeasure.

I know it is not considered to be patriotic to question the wars that have stained the consciousness of our country. Even when the history books point out the useless slaughter in the human family, we are still encouraged to rally around some purpose for the annihilation.

I remember when I was a kid, there was a saying which became very popular for a brief season: “What if they held a war and no one showed up?”

For that to happen, we would have to begin to believe that other inhabitants of Earth can disagree with us without being snuffed.

Did you ever consider that we don’t go into the forest and kill all the bears, even though we know that if we went into the forest, the bears might kill us?

There doesn’t seem to be a vendetta to destroy all the members of the lion kingdom, even though we are quite aware they are “man-eating.”

So we have an ongoing truce with the animals in nature, which we don’t seem to be able to apply to our brothers and sisters on earth.

Is it possible if I run across humans who think they’re bears and lions … that I can just stay out of their neck of the woods?

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Armed Forces

dictionary with letter A

Armed forces: (n) a country’s military forces, especially its army, navy, and air force.

I came of age in a time when joining the armed forces produced the great possibility of returning home in a body bag.

It was not very appealing–especially since I was surrounded by friends and peers who abhorred a war where other friends and peers were going–and disappearing from memory like a puff of smoke.

So even though I am greatly appreciative of those who serve our country in the military and I understand the concept, I find it difficult to celebrate any evil, even if it’s a necessary one.

Killing people is deadly, whether it’s in defense of the innocent or to follow the maddening instructions of a crazed dictator.

I know that philosophically and spiritually, there is a distinction. But since I have been around human carnage in my lifetime and can still recall the smell of blood, my stomach becomes a little queasy when too many flags are waved and too many young men and women march off for a cause.

I look for that ground where I can stand, which permits me to support the troops without ever supporting the wars. Most people will not grant me such turf. No, I must applaud the death and destruction along with the dedication and determination.

It leaves me in a quandary.

When I was a young man I had a friend named Bob who, within a two-month period, received his draft notice, went through basic training and died in battle.

It shouldn’t be that easy to kill someone. It should take more than sixty days, don’t you think?

So chalk me up as one who is tearfully appreciative of the service of my fellow-Americans as they guard against tyranny–but also as one who will struggle against another war.

 

 

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Armed

dictionary with letter A

Armed: 1. (adj) equipped with or carrying a weapon or weapons.

I shot a gun seven times in my life.

Now, there’s an odd sentence.

What do I remember about the experience? I recall it as being fun.

I pointed a gun at a tin can and shot five times before I finally hit the thing. There was a real sense of satisfaction upon knocking over the former bean container.

I wanted to do it again.

If I really believed that being armed was a choice of recreation, I could completely comprehend the desire.

What I have trouble with is when people tell me they want to be armed so they can prepare to be dangerous.

After many years of dealing with human beings, I can tell you–we were never meant to be dangerous. Matter of fact, there is a real danger in us being dangerous, Why?

1. We are impetuous.

We do many things and are sorry later. It’s just hard to apologize for shooting someone.

2. We feel powerful about the wrong things.

The best gift we have is our ability to negotiate life and get along with others. Feeling the power of being armed sometimes makes us unwilling to be pliable.

3. We need good thoughts.

As long as we feel protected by a weapon, we will not use our better angels to fly in and solve our problems. And if we do, it may be in the back of our minds that we are still armed.

I know the classic saying is, “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people.”

I can’t argue with that.

But long before we actually kill one another, we can develop an attitude of intolerance because we feel endorsed by our weaponry.

  • It makes us nasty when we could be gentle.
  • It makes us pushy when we might achieve compromise.
  • And it makes us confident in implements of anger instead of instruments of peace.

 

 

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Armchair

dictionary with letter A

Armchair: 1. (n) a comfortable chair, typically upholstered, with side supports for a person’s arms. 2. (adj) lacking or not involving practical or direct experience of a particular subject or activity.

There should never be more pundits than participants.

There. I have established a new rule.

Like most rules, it will be ignored in favor of some sort of haphazard pursuit of unbridled freedom.

Yet we have too many people with too many opinions who have too little talent to participate in the matters that are too important.

Last night as I watched the National Championship for college football, I was astounded at how many different people they had conglomerated to voice their opinions on the activities of these barely post-adolescent young men, who have been pushed to the forefront as superior athletes.

Some of these “armchair quarterbacks,” as we often call them, are actually former players. But they all seem to forget a very important fact. Even though I didn’t play football very long, I will tell you something which is never brought up by those in armchairs, be it about sports, politics or life in general:

It happens too fast.

If you expect your training or your brain to be able to come up with some magnificent way to handle the task in front of you, you will be confounded, stumble and make mistakes.

Just as a politician who wants to seek counsel with many people before making a decision always ends up piping in a little too late, any football player who believes he will have time in the middle of the game to access the resources of his brain and come up with the perfect solution for the situation, is going to end up looking foolish and inept.

Life really works with the conjoining of two magnificently unpredictable units: instinct and luck.

And the only way to be successful is to put yourself into enough uncomfortable situations that your instincts begin to turn you in the right direction, and then realize that the choices you make will still require some luck in order to be fruitful.

I got tickled after the game last night when they asked a player what he was thinking “right before he threw that pass.”

The young man crinkled his brow as if he didn’t understand the question, but politely replied, “Well, it was just a play and I played it through.”

Exactly.

America sometimes seems obsessed with the notion that we can educate ourselves into a better world.

Pundits love to discuss, from their armchairs of comfort, how somebody should have done something completely different in a given situation. But the best we can really do in life is to stop being afraid of difficulty.

For it grants us the instinct to know what to do at the right moment, and then step back…and pray we get lucky.

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Armaments

dictionary with letter A

Armament: (n) Military weapons and equipment.　

Do you realize that there are people in the world who get up every morning and go to work to try to come up with new ideas for weapons that are bigger and meaner than the ones we’ve already manufactured?

I don’t want to be self-righteous, but it’s certainly not a job I would want to pursue.

After all, once you’ve discovered an implement that’s capable of killing someone, doing it more effectively or with double power seems to be…well, over-kill.

There was a point in the 1960’s when both the U.S. and the Soviet Union touted that each was able to destroy the world ten times over through nuclear weapons.

Did they really intend on procuring nine other planets?

Or was this just little boys on the playground boasting on how far they could spit?

As long as we have a military budget which is built on discovering more creative ways to be destructive rather than maintaining an existing prowess that encourages peace, I think we may be guilty of some misappropriation of funds.

Armaments scare me. It’s not because I’m afraid to die.

It’s just because I don’t like to discuss modes of death… before I get there.

 

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Armageddon

dictionary with letter A

Armageddon: (n) in the New Testament, the last battle between good and evil before the Day of Judgment.

I have this memory from Sunday School class of a verse in which God shares with Cain that the blood of his brother “cried unto God from the Earth.”

Pretty powerful image.

So every time I think about Armageddon, I’m a bit baffled.

I have never had a desire to go to the Holy Land–mainly because I do not believe that any particular parcel of dust and stone is holy–and especially when the landscape has been so stained by human blood, shed for meaningless doctrines and interpretations.

I am not certain that this position I have taken would be a popular one with those who want to go and see where Moses received the Ten Commandments, or where Jesus walked on the water.

But if I found myself in the unenviable position of being the President of the United States, I would never send any troops into a kingdom that is already crimson with blood.

I would never allow myself to be known as the conduit that initiated a battle over nothing, which destroys everything.

There isn’t much I can do about the Jews and the Muslims wanting to fight with each other. It is my belief that Jesus came to break truth off of tradition, so that we could be human beings with each other instead of tribes.

But I guess as long as we insist on honoring our cultures more than humanity, protecting our kin more than seeking reasons to call the people of the world our brothers and sisters, and debating the personality of a God which is far beyond our comprehension, we will gradually inch our way periodically towareds Armageddon.

When we do, look for me in the rear, turning around and heading the other direction.

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