Cross My Heart and Hope to Die

Cross my heart and hope to die: (v) to attest to the truth of something

The human race is known for two things: first, being created in the image of God; and second, being a bunch of goddamn liars.

Within the elevation of these two bracing points, we are suspended between heaven and Earth.

Because of this, when we need to express our deepest sincerity to others, we don’t seem capable of just saying, “Yes, this is true,” or “No, it is not.”

We fear that our human audience, being fully aware of the vicious nature of deceit which inhabits us all, will just naturally assume that we are one of the “Fibber McGees.”

So we have introduced words, like “sincerely, honestly” and “trust me” into our language, hoping that in doing so, the true depth of our veracity will shine through.

It doesn’t.

So over our history, we’ve initiated other thoughts to try to prove that we are on the level. Basically, we’ve started swearing. Not profanity. No—deep-rooted promises to back up our premises.

  • “I swear by my mother’s grave.”
  • “I’ll swear on a stack of Bibles.”
  • “I swear by my pinky finger.”

Or, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

I guess this last one sounded effective to someone, thinking that threatening to remove one’s life from Earth might keep us from lying and cheating.

Of course, in reality, nothing prevents us from stretching the truth until it breaks and falls at our feet like useless trash.

So I think the suggestion that came along—to swear, make huge statements and crossing our heart and hoping to die—should probably just be replaced by a more old-fashioned dodge:

“Now what was the question?”

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C


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Cronyism/Crook

Cronyism: (n) the act of favoring one’s close friends, especially in political appointments.

Crook: (n) someone who cheats or swindles

Politics is a laughable tragedy.

It is a high school play debuting on Broadway.

It is a promise without a premise.

As a human being, there are two statements that must be avoided at all times—otherwise you find yourself trapped in cronyism.

Cronyism almost always leads to becoming a crook.

Those two statements are:

  1. “I am right”
  2. “I can make it right.”

There is no soul alive who is completely right.

And certainly there is no individual who, by him or herself, can make it right.

The assertion of those two thoughts—or even a hint of them—warns you of trouble.

People who believe they are right must surround themselves with those who agree with the flawed premise. Normally, this is mainly includes friends and family.

You can’t get all your information from just your friends and family. They are the ones who benefit if you end up being right. If you trust these cronies, you will gradually end up in the wrong.

Sane people listen to their critics and even their enemies—because they know these foes are not promoting them. Every once in a while, they point out the flies in the ointment which need to be removed.

They catch the hypocrisy. They proofread the statements.

If you’re only surrounded by friends and family, who join you in the assertion that you’re right, you will begin to go about your business believing that you have the power, along with your cronies, to right the world.

The world doesn’t want to be right.

The world will never be right.

The world will always be filled with tribulation.

Our defense against such turmoil is to keep a sense of good cheer, continue learning, promote growth and challenge ourselves to better paths.

Those who are encompassed by friends and family, who think they are right, believing they have been called to right the world, are always wrong.

So beware.

Cronyism is a desire to promote and hire only those who approve of you, and it will always end up with you lying and cheating, becoming a crook.

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Correlate

Correlate: (v) when two things affect or depend upon another

Déjà vu—that odd, often creepy sensation—that what we’re presently experiencing we have already encountered.

I have actually heard many explanations for this phenomenon, so let me tell you what I think one of the instigators may be for a déjà vu moment:

Every piece of the heart and soul inside us, loving us, tries to subliminally warn us that the place we’re in, the steps we are taking and the mood we’ve selected has been pursued before, and did not bring about much fruitfulness.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

I believe one of the great gifts imparted to me as a human being is the instinct of knowing I’ve done this stupid thing before in some way, shape or form, and now would be a good time to bail out.

The present political situation seems very familiar to me. It doesn’t feel odd. Matter of fact, this is the third occasion in my lifetime when I’ve seen the United States temporarily go insane because half of the country was supporting someone the other half believed to be crooked.

Let me give you a correlation:

It would be similar to living in a house with a father and mother who campaigned to divide the affection of the children, causing brothers and sisters to be at war because they side with one parent over the other.

This is what we’re being asked to do today.

We were also asked to do this in the late 1990’s, with President Bill Clinton, and of course, in the early 1970’s, with President Richard Nixon.

If any of you out there lived through these experiences, you should allow your brain to give you a beautiful déjà vu, and begin to correlate, in your thinking, the similarities and traps—and thereby avoid being sucked into a war of insults and lies, and instead find your identity, maintain it, and laugh at the ridiculous fiasco.

Here are things that correlate: telling the truth, honesty, repentance and change

On the other hand: lying, cheating, denial and destruction.

Truth will always end up on top. It’s not because God is controlling the Universe and killing off all the liars. Rather, it’s because people like you and me begin to correlate and come to agreement. As painful as the truth may seem, it does free us from the need to defend dangerous lies.

Richard Nixon resigned in disgrace.

Bill Clinton is still regarded as a flirtatious womanizer.

Whoever continues to lie in our present circumstances in America will join these two in obscurity.


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CIA

CIA: (n) Central Intelligence Agency

It makes for good television. I suppose a movie or two has sprouted from the subject matter.

Yet having an independent organization set aside in our government for the purpose of spying, deceiving and maybe even doing illegal crap
around the world is not comforting to my soul.

I know I live in a society that tolerates some evil as long as it produces our good. Matter of fact, we don’t even call it evil unless it detracts from us.

But even though I would do nothing to stand in the way of the CIA, I am not terribly interested in knowing all the details of the subterfuge. Honestly, I feel my mission is attempting to make cheating and lying a little bit less necessary–at least in my own surroundings.

So I can be a good American by shutting my mouth and allowing the CIA to “see its way.”

 

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Chintzy

Chintzy: (adj) cheap and of poor quality.

It’s no accident that “save a buck” rhymes with “bad luck.”

There certainly is validity to the proverb which warns, “Let the buyer beware,” but there is greater value in this euphemism: “Let the buyer
BE aware.”

Sometimes money does buy quality.

Sometimes trying to get a deal ends up with very little appeal.

Sometimes the effort and time you put into trying to save a dime costs you twenty dollars in exhaustion.

Sometimes you go ahead and pay for what you want because you want it–even though you know in two weeks it’ll be on sale.

Sometimes you have to realize that squeezing a dollar doesn’t really work that well–because the ink’s dry.

Sometimes being thrifty is a synonym for being chintzy.

And the best way to make a million dollars in the United States–if you have no conscience about how you do it–is to offer an inferior product at a lower price, with no guarantee.

That way, you can make all your profit margin, and even though people are very angry, you can calm your hurt feelings on the way to the bank.

Let the buyer BE aware.

It’s fine to look for a good deal–seeking one out is often merely uprooting the selfish rodents and the cheating cockroaches from the wall.

 

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Boob Tube

Boob tube: (n) television or a television set.

You probably won’t believe me but his name was actually Uncle Bebo.Dictionary B

He was a small, elf-like man with a mischievous grin who used to love to tease me with various tricks and little lies he’d tell to produce astonishment, which brought him great levity when seeing my bewildered face.

I remember telling him one day that I liked Milky Way candy bars. The next time he came to see me, he brought me black licorice. He said, “If you like Milky Ways, you’re really going to like black licorice.”

To this day I don’t know whether he was joking with me or if he really thought that black licorice tasted like Milky Ways.

It doesn’t.

This is the same thing I feel about television. In an attempt to pulse the marketplace to become more realistic, the producers try to convince us that their exaggeration is reality. In other words, they pass off black licorice as Milky Ways.

I’m not so sure they mean harm, but I’m quite positive they do not understand that the purpose of art is to both evoke and invoke–evoke a response, but invoke more of the beautiful attributes of human behavior.

An evening of watching the boob tube makes me feel that the world is filled with boobs–idiots who think they achieve their purposes by resorting to violence.

Of course, this is ridiculous. The laws of our land forbid us from even laying a finger on another person without being accused of assault. But we are led to believe that revenge, getting even, cheating, lying, expressing great frustration and being childish are acceptable forms of behavior.

Television is not dangerous, it’s just irresponsible.

It is fully aware that we need Milky Ways, but for some reason it has over-purchased black licorice and is trying to get rid of it.

 

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Basket

Basket: (n) a container used to hold or carry thingsDictionary B

I have never been particularly fond of work.

I do prefer work that I make up instead of chores that are made up for me. But like every other God-fearing American, I enjoy money.

So when I was a kid–about twelve–my dad, for a very brief time, grew strawberries on our little farm, with the intent of picking them, selling them and procuring an extra income.

Nobody in our family knew how difficult it was to pick strawberries. The plants do not have the decency to grow tall enough to reach up to you. No, you have to go down to get them on the ground.

My dad wanted to sell a pint of strawberries for a quarter. He offered me a nickel for every pint of strawberries I picked.

So I picked and I picked and I picked–and every time I brought him a pint to examine, he said it was not quite full.

At the end of the first day, I had only picked two pints, earning a dime. So overnight, practically in my dreams, I came up with a plan.

Unknown to my father, I carried a roll of toilet paper with me into the strawberry patch, and filled the bottom of my basket halfway with toilet paper, making sure that when I picked the strawberries, they covered the toilet paper so that it would take half as much to achieve a pint.

That night I not only received great praise for picking more baskets–eight in all–but proudly walked away with 40 cents.

I pulled this off for two days until people who were purchasing the strawberries began to complain to my parent about being cheated out of product by being given bathroom issue.

My father was furious.

I don’t know whether he was more unhappy because of the complaints of the people or because I was such a cheat.

But I learned that day that a basket is a basket and never will cease to be a basket.

If you find the basket is too small, then you need to get a larger basket.

And, as in the case of my strawberry picking, if you find the basket is too big, rather than cheating, you must acquire a smaller basket.

 

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