Tag Archives: divorce

Betrothed

Betrothed: (n) the person to whom one is engaged.

Dictionary B

The pride that we have over our sophistication is not only comical but often ill-placed.

We have the most intricate system for pairing people into committed relationships that has ever been devised in the history of bipeds with brains.

Yet we also have the highest divorce rate.

So do we question this system of placing the entire experience of choosing a mate based on the level of our interest and financial security?

No. We continue to chase down love haphazardly.

Simultaneously, cultures which pair off individuals in pre-arranged marriages don’t fare any worse than we do. Do you know why?

It’s because marriage has nothing to do with love.

Hell, if we’re going to make this planet work, we all have to learn to love one another. (But that doesn’t mean you’ll exchange body fluids with the population as a whole.)

Marriage requires three unique impositions:

1. “I’m not going anywhere.”

If you believe that separation and divorce are options in your relationship, you will eventually pursue one of them. There is a power in thinking that we possess the intelligence to solve our problems.

2. “I am not satisfied with myself.”

Although it is very popular to be self-satisfied, trying to sell this to another person who sees you every day is ridiculous.

  • I need someone to help me overcome my demons.
  • I need a friend who will see those demons and not run away in terror.
  • And I need a cohort who will not be too judgmental when I invite my demons back in for a one-night stand.

3. Be prepared to laugh all the time.

Most arguments begin because we decide to defend or discuss stupidity instead of laughing at it.

Humor is what makes sex excellent. Since it is such a silly little practice, which is accomplished just as well among the monkeys, we dare not view it as serious or overly spiritual, or we become notoriously foolish.

I don’t care whether you date for fourteen years or if you met each other fourteen minutes ago.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m not satisfied with myself and I’m prepared to laugh” is what makes betrothal be-workable.

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Batty

Batty: (adj) crazy; insane.Dictionary B

Most of the things I was taught that were “batty” and out of whack when I was a child of ten were revised by the time I was twenty-five, and then, almost universally accepted.

For instance, I often heard the word “nigger” when I was ten, which transformed into “negro” and then became “black,” making a sharp turn toward “African-American,” and now, honestly, I have no idea whatsoever what would be appropriate to say.

When I was a kid of ten years, divorce was evil, then became unfortunate, followed by common, culminating in expected.

At ten years of age, there were no gay people; then suddenly there were “queers and fags,” followed by “souls in distress who needed our prayers,” and nowadays have become the prerequisite for being a television star.

I am not offering this as a lamentation. I just feel it’s time for us to redefine “batty” and stop assigning it to human behavior.

We will save a lot of time this way, because eventually everything that at least somebody does will receive a level of acceptance and no longer be prohibited.

So what is batty? May I offer three suggestions:

  1. I believe it’s batty to think you can hold a war in an attempt to gain peace.
  2. I think it’s batty to have a human race and assume that because they’re male and female, they will never get along.
  3. I think it’s batty to worship a God who refuses to love some people because they don’t meet all the guidelines.

There you go.

I’m pretty sure those three things will continue to be batty as time goes on. Of course, I could be wrong.

After all, we live in a society that dishes out ounces of warnings … while manufacturing pounds of bacon. 

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Appropriate

dictionary with letter A

Appropriate (adj): suitable or proper in the circumstances

Yes, it is similar to those orange cones they set up around construction areas.

You find yourself driving along and you look up ahead, and suddenly traffic is backed up, and as you inch your way closer, you discover that someone has put up these orange cones to cordon off an area which is under repair–although it is not always obvious that such care is actually being given.

That’s the way I feel about our society.

Having lived for a while now, I have seen the social “orange cones” put up around certain issues to slow down the traffic of human progress and establish the fact that this subject or issue is “not appropriate” for either consideration or discussion.

When I was a kid it was divorce. “Good people” just didn’t get divorced. Matter of fact, if you were writing a play in that era, you could connote that a woman had loose character simply by stating that she was a divorcee. But eventually the orange cones were removed from the issue simply because so many people were participating in the practice.

In my teens, we were taught that the Vietnam War was patriotic. Orange cones were placed around the appropriate response, which was to show support for the endeavor. Anyone who considered it a worthless adventure was alienated.

Then, almost overnight, the orange cones were removed and it became appropriate to stand against the war and criticize U.S. involvement in Indochina.

It goes on and on.

I suppose there are those who consider the removal of all orange cones, offering a freeway in policy and thinking, to be the ideal way for human evolution to travel.

But it’s tricky business.

We do need some orange cones placed around a few issues–otherwise we will ignore the appropriate response necessary to grant each individual dignity.

I can think of two right off the bat:

  • Orange cones should be put around free will.

The minute we think we are victims of destiny, unable to change our circumstances, we lose the power of what it really means to be human.

  • And I think orange cones need to be placed around the sanctity of life in all its forms.

Otherwise we will make arbitrary decisions that certain members of the family of humankind are worthy of death and others should be lifted up on the shoulders of life.

What is appropriate?  Give people free will. And don’t kill.

How cool. It rhymes.

Free will and don’t kill.

Great orange cones for protecting something that is totally appropriate.

 

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Amber Alert

dictionary with letter A

Amber Alert: (n) an emergency response system that disseminates information about a missing person (usually a child) by media broadcasting or electronic roadway signs.

All right. Get ready to buy me the T-shirt.

I guess it should read, “I am an unfeeling, anti-American, cynical unbeliever.”

Maybe it’s because I’ve done some follow-up on the concept of Amber Alerts. Even though there are many television shows that make hay off of children being abducted by strangers who torture and murder them, most of the kidnapping of little ones in our country is done by either the mother or the father, who no longer love each other and have decided to turn the child into the hunk of meat which they steal from the barn and hustle away through the woods.

If it weren’t so sad and pathetic, it would nearly be comical. We have actually created a system of marriage in this country which at least half of the time ends up in divorce, while contending that when it comes to the realm of the children, the couple is still together–even though they’ve moved on to other relationships, and now, because of human nature, are trying to prove to the children that this person is now their enemy and how much better off they would be if they didn’t have that rotten sperm donor or womb carrier.

Did you follow that?

In other words, like we always do in this country, we think we can establish a family, destroy it, pretend that it still exists, and then act alarmed when one of the parents steals the child, which sends out an Amber Alert and makes everyone concerned about their own offspring, when it really is just a Hatfield and McCoy feud.

There are exceptions, and for that reason, the Amber Alert should not be removed from our everyday lives.

But keep in mind–most of these are people who are fighting with each other, who once made love and produced a child, who has become at times little more than a bargaining chip.

Here’s the real Amber Alert, and may it sound out over the airwaves and be flashed on the freeways:

If you’re going to have children, try to keep your marriage together, and if you don’t stay together, please remember–and Solomon was wise enough to know this:

You can’t cut a kid in two.

Alimony

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Alimony: (n) a husband or wife’s court-ordered provision for a spouse after a divorce.

It comes down to discovering when it is permissible to be emotional. I personally think it is good to be emotional about spiritual things:

  • Loving your neighbor as yourself.
  • Feeling compassion for those in need.
  • And getting more juiced up about singing the praises of life instead of droning out a dull hymn.

On the other hand, when it comes to matters of the heart, I think running our lives solely on emotional data is very dangerous. Basically, the typical American marriage runs in three phases:

  1. You are so hot I can’t keep my hands off you.
  2.  It’s been a while since we’ve been hot–maybe we should get our hands on each other.
  3. Hands off.

The reason this happens is because we don’t take into consideration the many aspects of marriage other than sexual ecstacy. Let me tell you what I think the four things are that make up a good marriage, and how I believe each one is perfectly balanced by keeping an eye on the others.

1. Sex. Actually, I think it should be in fourth place, because it turns out that it’s better after the other three have been enacted with fervor. But I’ll keep it at the top of the list to keep your interest in my article.

2. Finance. Partnering with someone else is often a good way to stay solvent. If not, you have to start doing things like paying child support, alimony and lawyers to be your mouthpiece.

3. Status. Our society is set up for people to be together, work together, plan together and even interact fiscally in pairs.

4. Children. Once you give up on a marriage, whether you like it or not, the earthquake sends aftershocks through the entire family. You can fake it, act mature, and present yourselves as upbeat individuals who can maintain two or three different lives, but even though divorce and child custody are practiced in our society, our art and entertainment more truthfully portray them as implausible.

If two intelligent people will figure out a way to hold things together because of the children, consider the status they have by being united, garner the potential of the second income, and then take a bit of giddiness from the three discoveries into the bedroom, you might be surprised how many people could stay together, instead of chasing the dream of new genitalia.

Yes, being adult is considering the plus and the minus in every situation, and discovering a great compromise. Short of abuse or neglect, marriage can avoid alimony by appreciating what we’ve got and working with it, knowing that just like the seasons … hot and cold come in their time.

Advance

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Advance: (v) move forward, typically in a purposeful way: e.g. the troops advanced on the capital. 2. to lend money to someone 3. an approach made to someone typically with the aim of initiating a sexual encounter.

He asked me if I was “a progressive.”

I realized it was a trick question. He obviously did not approve of progressives and had found a box he planned to stuff me into, to satisfy his simplistic way of thinking.

For it seems that somewhere along the line, a desire to advance the cause of mankind and progress us toward better solutions has become unsatisfactory.

In my lifetime, many of the things I was told were irreversible and immutable in their sacred nature have been abandoned in favor of easier practices.

For after all, I grew up thinking that black people were black, homosexuals were homosexual, women were women, north was north, south was south, divorce was evil, technology was mistrusted and that the hula hoop was actually a toy to entertain children.

All of these things have been pushed aside to advance one universal concept: freedom.

Yet the people who want freedom for one thing in this country want to restrict it for something else, and those who are determined to promote their particular agenda will be more than happy to pour gasoline on yours and set it on fire.

What does it mean–to advance? What is the definition of making progress? When do we know that we are moving forward instead of stumbling backwards or doing a two-step side to side?

Am I just an idiot to think this can be answered with one question:

Is it making better humans?

Because it would be impossible to help stray dogs, cats and Bambi, for that matter, if the human beings around them want to hurt them and kill them.

It would be ridiculous to think that we could give equal rights to the mass of the multitude if portions of the crowd have already decided that some people are inferior.

And we certainly will not be able to stop war–which may be the antithesis of advancement–until each one of us realizes that we are probably not going to get everyone to conform to our ideals.

Is it making better humans? That’s my yardstick.

  • I’m sorry–I don’t think pornography makes better humans. I’m not going to rail against it, but I also am not going to pretend that it’s “a rite of passage.”
  • I don’t think guns make better humans. I’m not suggesting they should be prohibited–just not promoted.
  • I don’t think abortion makes better humans. I prefer contraception, education and adoption.

My list goes on and on. I’m sure it would vary from yours–but we might be surprised at how many cross-references we would have.

I would love to see us advance. I have been fully warned NOT to call it being progressive–but at the very least, could we take some time to think about our survival and how we might want to make the lives of our children and grandchildren richer, more spiritual and laced with intelligence instead of dulled by drugs, attitudes and practices … that leave them in a stupor.

Adopt

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adopt: (v) to legally take another’s child and bring it up as one’s own

I think the definition for success is something that catches our fancy that we’re still willing to do when it ends up being more difficult than we thought.

About seventeen years ago, I decided to take three young boys into my home. Their mother had just gone through a very hostile divorce and the fellows were a little shell-shocked by the whole experience. Fortunately for me, I had a son of my own who was about the same age as the middle child in the trio. It made for a nice situation and seemed quite logical.

I will tell you that logic is what fools refer to as tribulation when they discover there’s hard work ahead. Yes–NOTHING is easy. It’s not meant to be. Matter of fact, adopting anything immediately demands that you use another similar word: adapt.

I learned a long time ago that just because I want to do something is reason enough for everybody in the world to come against it. After I had my motives questioned, my sanity perused and got accused by some of the family members of the mother of being a “cult leader,” I realized that merely trying to pursue generosity makes cautious people get pissed off.

I had to adapt. I had to learn that I was getting to know these young men slowly and needed to gain their respect by being honest and forthcoming.

And the truth of the matter is, if you adopt something and you’re willing to adapt, after a time you will become more adept.

Yes, I got better at being a father.

I am grateful that I ended up with seven opportunities to do so–because in many ways, I think I needed them all.

In the late eighteenth century, when our country adopted a Constitution, we had no idea what trouble we would cause for ourselves. We are still adapting, with the prospect of becoming adept looming in the distance.

Don’t get discouraged. It gets better as long as you don’t give up on the purity–and the joy–of the original decision.

Absolute

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absolute: (adj.) not qualified or diminished in any way: total absolute secrecy  2. a value or principle that is regarded as universally valid or that may be viewed without relation to other things: good and evil are presented as absolutes

Absolutely valid. Wow.

I was just sitting here thinking about how in my lifetime, I was instructed in a whole bunch of absolutes which ended up being absolutely ridiculous.

As a boy I was told that black people and white people shouldn’t mix because God had ordained the more pale parts of His creation to be enlightened and the darker ones to be servants. Yes, I was tutored in how the Creative Heavenly Father color-coded His human family to make it clear how they should be categorized.

  • This was an absolute. It was wrong.

I was told by my parents and church that rock and roll was “of the devil” and no good could ever come of it because the beat of the music was purposefully coordinated to the heartbeat of the human being so as to stimulate our juices, to make us act like the natives in Africa, who ran around naked, committing all sorts of sins of the flesh. I was a good white boy from Ohio. I didn’t want to turn into a pigmy or a cannibal. So at first I avoided the demon rock and roll–that is, until I sat down and really listened to it and realized that it energized not only my physical heart, but touched my teenage searching one as well.

  • They were absolutely sure that rock and roll was evil. They were wrong.

I was told that divorce was a sin and anyone who committed it and remarried was in danger of hell because they would be committing adultery. Matter of fact, I saw many ministers and politicians who had to abandon their occupations so as to purge themselves of their sinfulness due to the separation from a spouse. But enough politicians and preachers broke the bonds of marriage that eventually a new doctrine had to be brought forth to give retroactive forgiveness for “splitting the sheets”–and now nearly all the churches in America have a ministry geared to those who are no longer matrimonially entwined.

  • This was an absolute–until it wasn’t.

So to be candid,  I’m a little fuzzy on the concept of “absolutes.” I hear people scream them at the top of their lungs today–many of them the offspring of the former “anti-mixing-of-the-races, rock-and-roll-is-hellish and divorce-is-iniquity” crowd.

I think I have come up with a simple conclusion: the only absolutes we know for sure are that we are all human, we should never judge and Mother Nature and God are much better deciders of what will continue to evolve and what the planet doesn’t need.

Yes–I guess I’m absolutely human.  That is the absolute I am comfortable in donning.