Tag Archives: exercise

Cellulite

Cellulite: (n) persistent subcutaneous fat causing dimpling of the skin

If it’s got your thoughts, it’s got your soul.

I just find this to be true.

What corrals my attention, stimulates my brain and makes me contemplate pretty much sets the agenda for my entire human experience.

With that in mind, I am very careful not to focus on anything that has to do with the flesh and pretend that it has any worthy emotional or spiritual implications.

Women have cellulite. Men have cellulite. You can feel free to attempt some simple exercise or treatment to get rid of it.

But if you find yourself going on a trip to the beach wearing sweat pants, talking to everyone on the journey about your cellulite, frightened to death to expose your legs, then you’re in the middle of what I would refer to as a “self damnation.” Simply defined, this is a curse each one of us places on ourselves to forbid us from heavenly conclusions because of our hellish fear or lack.

At no time whatsoever during a romantic encounter does it matter one little bit if a man or woman has cellulite. It only matters if you’re watching them from a distance, determining whether they would be worthy of such intimacy.

But you must understand that anyone who has worked hard enough to not have cellulite may just be as demanding of the partner they select.

 

 

 

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Burnish

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Burnish: (v) to polish something by rubbing.

An important exercise:

Add up all the hours you and I have spent complaining, resisting, avoiding or diminishing the need to improve something. Now compare that to the number of hours it would have taken to do the job.

Every single time, the amount of energy expended in bitching exceeds the required minutes necessary to burnish up the situations in our lives.

Case in point: when I was much younger and rented an apartment, my parents gave me a beat-up coffee table. It was light brown wood, so every little scrape, nick and stain was very noticeable. Bluntly, I did not care. I was a punk.

One day a girlfriend of mine came in and told me that if I took some furniture polish to the table, it would look a hundred percent better. I nodded my head, simulating interest, but inwardly dismissed all her claims. She made the point three more times before she finally walked in, polish and cloth in hand, and quickly–no more than five minutes–transformed that piece of worn down trash into a burnished surface.

It was so shiny that I could actually look down and see my face.

I didn’t know whether to be grateful or angry over her interference. Before I could decide which profile to select, she gave me a quick hug and said, “You’re a man. You’re often too dumb to do what’s necessary.”

She left the room.

My problem was not being a man. My difficulty was that I did not believe I was worthy of a polished table, so I decided to leave it as ugly and unkempt as I felt myself.

 

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Bumpkin

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Bumpkin: (n) a socially awkward person from the countryside

The premise seems to be that if you can convince yourself that other people are ignorant, then you don’t have to deal with them, love them, respect them or even give them space.

After all, since we’ve decided to suck on the juice from the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, we have become a prideful race, who contend “the more you know, the smarter you get.”

But a lot of people have accumulated data without ever becoming smart. I believe there are four ways to be smart, which cause you to escape the world of “bumpkin:”

  1. Emotionally smart.

Basically, that’s admitting, “I can’t help anyone else if I’m a freaked-out mess.”

  1. Spiritually smart.

“I was never created to be an angel, so I need enough God in my life to love my neighbor as myself.”

  1. Mentally smart.

I need to take in just enough new information that I can try it out for myself, and therefore confirm–within me–that there’s truth to it.

  1. Body smart.

“I don’t eat too much of anything, exercise enough that I feel refreshed, and sleep every chance I can.”

My finding is that the people who follow these simple “smart values” end up being very universal and valuable to the world around them.

A bumpkin is not a person from a particular location.

A bumpkin is someone who has not yet located how to be a person.

 

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Buff

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Buff: (adj) being in good physical shape with fine muscle tone.

Although I agree that sexual purity is a noble state, sexual deprivation more resembles North Dakota.

What I mean is, as we try to avoid promiscuity, we need to consider the fact that all of us require some sensation Dictionary Bof being attractive.

I was kind of born fat.

I know that sounds like a cop-out, and it probably is–but since I was twelve-and-a-half pounds when I popped out of my mother, and three hundred pounds by the time I reached the 7th grade, it is safe to say there were not many intervals of “lean” in between.

So even though I worked on a good personality, a generous spirit and nourishing my talent, I have traveled the Earth with what appears to be a spare belly. I don’t know what it would ever be used for–it just seems to take up space, unexplained.

Recently, one of my dear friends, who happens to be female, told me that another friend saw me about twenty years back, when I was deeply absorbed, or perhaps even possessed, in the notion of exercise, and described me as “buff.”

I almost wet my pants.

The notion of me being buff, or considered buff, or even curiously perceived buff by a near-sighted man, gave me an uncontrollable tingle down my spine.

For a moment, I felt alluring, without feeling the need to allure.

I was appealing, without needing to pursue pleasant dialogue which might make me seem interesting.

There is an old saying that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” If by that the writer intended to express that we are crazy and bonkers, then I agree.

But if we don’t feel presentable, we don’t feel happy.

And if we don’t feel happy, we try to make other people’s lives miserable.

And once miserable, they will certainly find us even more unappealing.

 

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Brouhaha

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Brouhaha: (n) a noisy and over-excited reaction or response

In a grocery store that only offers vanilla ice cream, strawberry seems radical. So for a brief season, the introduction of this particular flavor stimulates great interest and conversation.Dictionary B

But the human race, being what it is, soon tires of two flavors. So here comes peppermint, followed a few days later by Rocky Road, then Caramel Twist and Bubblegum, as the progression of varieties increases at a furious rate.

In no time at all, Burt Baskin and Irv Robbins get together and say, “If 10 flavors tweak their fancy, just think what 31 would do…”

Pretty soon we have more flavors of ice cream than we could ever experience, and spend much time defending our own personal predilection.

So what was once a snack, or even a delicacy, becomes a source of conflict as people argue furiously in favor of their favored concoction.

Soon we forget it’s just ice cream.

It becomes an issue of pride–maybe even a symbol of patriotism or eternal salvation.

Once matters are blown out of proportion, we need to continue to blow into them to justify why they became so large in the first place.

In no time we find ourselves arguing over the art of debate, exchanging facts based upon our interpretation of available statistics.

We might even conjure a lie or two, suggesting that Devil’s Food Cake ice cream literally is.

I seriously doubt if anyone would disagree that we have become a nation which favors the brouhaha over consolation.

It should be no surprise that this has occurred–considering we are also a country that thinks judging people is religion, dieting is nutrition, reading books is education … and watching a football game is exercise. 

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Assets

Asset: (n) a useful or valuable thing, person, or quality.dictionary with letter A

Piling things up.

If we don’t discover the meaning of our existence, we just end up accumulating indiscriminately.

To find out the meaning of life without becoming terribly ethereal, we must understand that we are heart, soul, mind and strength.

Each one needs assets.

  • For my heart, I need enriching emotional experience to counteract my fear of being loved and my reticence on loving others.
  • I need spiritual assets–things to believe in which can exist on earth as they do in heaven.
  • Mentally, give me the treasure of knowing that I’m always in the process of renewing my need to know.
  • And my body requires the assets of healthy food, healthy sleep, healthy exercise and healthy usage.

Anything that assists these four units is an asset. Anything that doesn’t is a distraction.

Can it really be that simple?

I hope so–because complications make me either frustrated or self-righteous.

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Arm

dictionary with letter A

Arm: (n) each of the two upper limbs of the human body from the shoulder to the hand.

I do believe that many times we are actually upset about how well our body parts work together. Let me explain.

If the foot hurts, the rest of the body expresses its sympathy by having the brain note the pain and informing all the other members that they may be pulling extra duty during the day.

This became obvious to me when I woke up one morning and had slept on my arm in such a way that it felt sprained. The shocker came when I realized that this particular dangling participant in my human form performs many functions that I never even think about. So it was virtually impossible to wash myself in the shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair or reach for my box of cereal at the breakfast table.

Each time I did, I was reminded by a conscientious brain that the part of my anatomy I wished to be using was presently on sick leave.

This was communicated through pain.

Within an hour, though, I had become somewhat adept at utilizing my other arm for some functions. I also used my legs more to perform duties instead of reaching to achieve my quest.

I was mindful of my hurt arm and gave it the respect it was due, while simultaneously trying to gently “exercise” it of its demon.

It lasted all day long–and even though I was very glad when I woke up the next morning to discover I had usage back in my limb, I was impressed by the efficiency of my body and simultaneously humbled that some way or another… I can’t always find that same cooperation with the people around me.

 

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Agile

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAgile: (adj.) able to move quickly and easily

One of my largest portions of pride has always been a belief, contention and even, I suppose, reality that I “move really well for a big man.”

Whenever I ran across folks who questioned my size or my blubber, I always reminded them that I swam four times a week and even played tennis.

I was glad to be agile.

Actually, I worked hard at it. I have always been very fat, but also active. Honestly, my busy lifestyle and exercise didn’t do much to counteract my metabolism and overeating.

Time marches on. The obesity has remained and unfortunately, the agility has gradually vanished.

I have worn my knees out carrying around too much weight.

They were very brave for many years and now they are suing me for irreconcilable differences and requesting custody of my movement.

How do I feel about it? Because please understand–what we feel about things is very important. You may be able to achieve mind over matter but you will never achieve mind over emotions. When the brain and the feelings have a war, the mind is never able to overcome the onslaught of the attack brought on by the invasion of mercenary misgivings.

This is why I must deal with my feelings with regard to my agility. Four different sensations:

Embarrassed because I have gotten myself into this situation, where I am no longer agile.

Surprised that I am still around, doing a little kicking and screaming, considering how I have mistreated my joints and muscles.

Determined to do my best to generate greater possibilities.

And hopeful that with a combination of God’s grace and my effort, I can gain back some agility points.

The key lies in what order I allow these emotions to surface every day in my life. If they land in this order: (1) embarrassed, (2) surprised, (3) determined and (4) hopeful, it’s going to be a lousy day. But if I am able to get (1) surprised, (2) determined, (3) hopeful and (4)embarrassed in that order, I normally can see progress.

Yes, to be agile in my body demands that I first be agile in my emotions.

I’m on it.

Age

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Age: (n) 1. the length of time that a person has lived 2. a period of history 3. (v) to grow older, especially visibly

When I was twelve, I really wanted to be thirteen. God, I ached all over! It was probably just the onset of puberty, but I didn’t know.

I really looked forward to eighteen, too. Twenty-one was cool, but since eighteen was the new voting age and I wasn’t that interested in drinking–not a big deal.

I felt a little giddy when I was twenty-five because I got to be in that group of “over twenty-five.”

Thirty put a chill down my spine, but then I realized I had nine more years for the decade. By forty I had so many kids that I barely remember the birthday.

Fifty was spooky. It’s when I really began to notice that age IS an issue. I don’t know–maybe my skin turned grayer, or I limped more, or wrinkles formed in my forehead? I’m not sure. But suddenly, everybody under the age of thirty started to treat me like a senior citizen.

It was quite frightening when the envelope arrived from AARP, inviting me to be a member. I recall how horrified I was the first time some teenage girl at Applebee’s asked me if I wanted to apply my senior citizen’s discount. A little piece of my soul wanted to roll over, crumple and die.

But I have especially noticed it this year, as I travel around the country. Younger folks think it’s powerful to treat me like I’m over the hill and couldn’t possibly have anything to share with anyone who isn’t eating their meals through a straw.

Actually, I think we have four different “ages:”

  1. An emotional age, which should be more mature, but most folks freeze at about thirteen.
  2. A spiritual age–a delicate blending of a child’s heart and the wisdom of Solomon.
  3. A mental age, only determined by how willing we are to continue to learn instead of pouring cement into our cranial cavity.
  4. And a physical age, which is strongly determined by genetics, lifestyle and willingness to exercise and consume fruits and vegetables.

If you average all four of those ages, you arrive at your actual number. You should try it.

By the way, I tallied mine. I came up with 43 years, 8 months.

That’s about right.

Aerobics

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAerobics: (n) vigorous exercises such as swimming or walking, designed to strengthen the heart or lungs.

  • I don’t.
  • I should.
  • I would if I could.
  • I could if I would.
  • I think about it.
  • I agree.
  • I laugh.
  • I’m curious.
  • I tried it.
  • I didn’t like it.
  • I didn’t exactly try it.
  • I kinda liked it.
  • I felt better afterwards.
  • I felt worse in the morning.
  • I think it costs money.
  • I think I’m broke.
  • There’s a program for free.
  • I pretended I didn’t hear that.
  • I’ve watched it on TV.
  • I’ve even made fun of it.
  • I’m convinced I’m the exception.
  • I guess I’m exceptionally convinced.

I am, of course, talking about aerobics.

There’s a process in the human experience in which information is either acknowledged, absorbed as truth and shipped off to the brain for storage in a cabinet, or else expelled from the emotions in a fitful desire for action.

Aerobics is one of those things that I know would be good for me and would improve my chances for longevity. But longevity seems so … well …long–when in the moment, I have the possibility of watching television with a side of chips and dip.

It’s the same way I feel about eternity. It’s really hard to get worked up about everlasting life when you have a two-hour window for watching television.

If they found a way to do aerobics without me knowing it–similar to peddling a bicycle while thinking that I’m relaxing and checking out a movie–that would be terrific. Until then I have to rely on my motivation, which, as I stated earlier, is greatly unfavorable to aerobics.

There are so many things that happen with aerobic exercise that are unpleasant. First of all, getting to your feet with the idea of movement. Secondly, taking things you would normally do slowly, but doing them fast, in order to sweat and raise your heart rate. (Don’t they usually give you medication when your heart races?? But now they want you to simulate one of the major symptoms of a heart attack…)

I guess it’s the mix of laziness, fear, aches, pains and feeling a bit foolish hopping about without the presence of hot coals at my feet.

By the way… did I say I admire it?