Cologne

Cologne: (n) scented toilet water or aftershave.

Just for the record (and if my vote counts) I firmly believe that all toilet water should be scented. I don’t know what other purpose the water
would have if it was out of its bowl, if it was not scented.

And I, for one, believe human beings are better if they smell good.

That may be because I’ve always been a portly fellow and greatly feared the stereotype of “all fat people stink.”

In other words, I don’t want some cloud of “p.u.” to descend on me in a moment when my deodorant is in retreat, my soap sniff has disappeared and my cologne is totally exhausted.

Without being too graphic, I put cologne everywhere. I don’t know why. There are places it seems unnecessary. In other words, not a normally high-traffic area. However, those regions are notorious for sprouting aromas which are generally deemed unpleasant.

So part of my morning ritual is to “smell up”–so that later on I don’t have to “smell down.”

I’ve been very fortunate. I’ve developed a reputation for nose approval.

I’m sure I’ve overdone it. For instance, folks should not be able to “smell you coming,” yet I have had people identify me from another room, knowing I was present long before they eyeballed me.

Oops.

I also mix fragrances of cologne–once again, depending on the different parts of the body, a splash may work somewhere and more expensive stuff to don the face.

I must acknowledge at this point that I have already overworked this subject. Possibly I lost your attention a couple of paragraphs ago.

You may think I am paranoid about any type of normal human body odor. You would be correct.

I am not trying to evangelize my obsession with cologne. I have met people who hate it, and some who even insist they are allergic.

But until future notice, I will be an island of fragrance instead of a land of “stinky poo.”

 

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Appendix

dictionary with letter A

Ap·pen·dix (n.): a tube-shaped sac attached to and opening into the lower end of the large intestine in humans and some other mammals.

They tell me that no one knows exactly what the appendix does. That got me thinking.

What is the appendix of other things in life?

The appendix of politics is all the negative ads put on the air to try to prove the rottenness of the competition.

The appendix of entertainment is all the remakes which discuss the beauty of the cinematography instead of offering insight, gentleness and possibility to human beings.

The appendix of marriage is the belief that commitment is enough to sustain a relationship between two people without an ongoing lustful affection.

The appendix of weight loss is the notion that fat people want to be fat and therefore should be ridiculed and punished into submission.

The appendix of education lies in the contention that the more you spend for it, the smarter you become.

The appendix of shopping is very similar–the thought that name brands always have more quality than knock-offs.

The appendix of humanity is the belief that we’re “all different” instead of seeking our similarities.

The appendix of the relationship between men and women is the abiding presumption that they are so ill-suited that peaceful co-existence seems unlikely.

The appendix of self-esteem it that it can be achieved by bolstering ego instead of offering opportunity.

The appendix of lying is the misconception that we can actually pull it off.

And the appendix of religion is that it tries to please God by hurting people when God made it clear that loving people is the only way to please Him.

 

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Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix