Tag Archives: foibles

BS

j-r-practix-with-border-2

BS: (n) Bull shit

I think it’s wrong to blame bulls.

They eat and they secrete.

For us to tie all of our human foibles, inconsistencies and hypocrisies to their dung is flat-out insulting.Dictionary B

I’m not a lawyer and do not represent any bulls in particular, but I will tell you–the atrocities, stupidities and half-truths produced in our society are human shit.

It’s not like bull shit. It doesn’t come out in perfectly formed turds.

It’s dumped in varieties of personalized, steamy piles, often expressed with diarrhea of the mouth.

It is unique to our species because it is individualized by our diet of morality, spirituality and compassion.

Bulls have never done anything to us.

What I experience every day is human shit: the thought people have that they might be able to get by with what they say and do because everyone around them … is stupider than they are.

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Bedwetting

Bedwetting: (n) involuntary urination during sleep.Dictionary B

Let me see.

We have Traffic Court. It is used very effectively for handling traffic cases.

Then there’s Divorce Court–for those who want to split the sheets in a legal way.

Family Court, which is more or less an oxymoron, since usually those who attend are having great difficulty being a family.

We have the Court of Appeals, which is obviously desperate for attention.

Yet over the years, we have gradually eroded the power and importance of the “Kid Court.”

This is the jurisdiction and judgments levied by children upon each other, creating the natural peer pressure which promotes general civility.

Let’s make something clear: refusing to pee in your bed is not a natural conclusion.

We are born urinating everywhere. We don’t care–take the diaper off too quickly and the baby will do it right in your face.

So somewhere along the line, we develop an aversion to the idea of peeing ourselves.

This has to come through some sort of instruction or protocol which forces us to fall in line and urinate in porcelain instead of linen.

I contend that every time we try to find a reason for bedwetting–other than the fact that the kid has not yet figured out to get up from a sleepy condition and void–we become overwrought, over-analytical and refuse to let “Kid Court” take care of the matter.

I occasionally peed the bed until the time I went to kindergarten. I thought everybody did.

So one day at recess, when someone complimented my pants, I explained that they were my second choice, since I had pissed on the others.

There was a silence that fell over the crowd that day near the merry-go-round. All my fellow students stared at me in disbelief. They had already made the journey away from bedwetting.

They did not bully me.

They did not ridicule me.

But it was made clear that until I learned how to use my “pee-pee’er” at the right time, I could not be “one of the gang.”

It put a crease in my brain so deep that it remains to this day.

I will tell you that nothing my mother or father could have said would have been more effective than the reaction of my chums, who found my conduct to be Neanderthal.

Taking away all peer pressure, which allows for kids to work out many foibles and weird inclinations, is a huge mistake. The best thing we can do is stand back and monitor it–and pull them apart just short of bloody noses.

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Bartender

Bartender: (n) a person who mixes and serves drinks at a bar.Dictionary B

Most of the spirits that have come into me have entered through my soul instead of my mouth.

I am not a drinker. I am not self-righteous about it–it’s just not a part of my practice.

I do overeat.

I under-exercise.

It’s not as if I don’t participate in human activities that are capable of pleasure but also can quickly become foibles.

For me, it has always been an inability to get over the taste. Recently recovering from a throat condition, I was astounded at how horrible cough syrup is to ingest. To purposefully pour such intense fluid down my gullet on an ongoing basis is beyond my comprehension.

It started when I was eighteen years old and went on a trip to Nashville, Tennessee, with my soon-to-be wife. We decided to go out to a bar to catch some lively “Music City” entertainment. This particular establishment had a two-drink minimum. That meant you had to order two alcoholic beverages to be able to sit and listen to the music. I probably could have ordered a soft drink, but at age eighteen, such ineffective communication of maturity was unacceptable. I was allowed to order a drink, so a drink would be ordered.

I asked for a Michelob. When it came to the table, I took a huge gulp, which nearly regurgitated back in my direction.

It was so terrible.

I saw other people sitting around drinking it freely, as if it were some sort of pleasurable experience. Years later, working with a group of artists in Louisiana, we thought it was extraordinarily Continental to order wine with our dinner. After a couple of weeks of this practice, I had to turn to my companions and tell them that I was ruining my hamburger by having to survive my vino.

I say all this to admit to you that talking about a mixologist–or a bartender, in this case–is really beyond my scope. The only bartender I actually knew was a fellow I met in California. He was a minister who tended bar part-time in order to counsel and help folks who were drowning some of their sorrows in liquid refreshment.

I doubt if he’s a typical purveyor of the intoxicants. I’ve often admired bartenders in movies, mixing their blends together with such style and speed.

But I am the worst person in the world to write an article on bartending.

So I think I will stop.

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Applicable

dictionary with letter A

Ap·pli·ca·ble (adj): relevant or appropriate.

Sometimes I feel like a helpless city with no defenses, being bombarded by a society which senses no responsibility for viciously attacking in the pursuit of gaining its will.

It doesn’t matter what the issue is–every advocacy group is obsessed with its own form of tunnel vision, and contends that if you do not agree with them in every principle, that somehow or another you are suffering from a phobia against their cause.

No one is stopping to ask an important question: what principle is really applicable to the ongoing sanity and peaceful coexistence of human beings?

Let me explain.

I have lots of foibles. I suppose some people would even consider them sins. I am fat, bald, somewhat lazy and silly. There are individuals who would take any one of those and isolate me off in a box for direct FedEx shipment to hell. I have no malice toward them. I do not wish that they, too, would experience a fiery end. I just think their cause is overwrought and is trumped by a greater good which is often ignored in the pursuit of these pundits proving their point.

I just believe that the only applicable statement for those dwelling on Earth and confined by mortality is “no one is better than anyone else.”

  • So on the issue of abortion, I have empathy for both mother and child, so I grant freedom for choice and discovery of restraint.
  • How about racial issues? Since no one is better than anyone else, having God color you in with a different hue doesn’t seem very important.
  • Homosexuality? Since I probably will not be joining you in your bedroom, I would rather appreciate your company in the fellowship hall.

Life is not nearly as complicated as angry pollsters and protesting advocates try to make it out to be. I cannot judge you because if I were judged by the same standard, I would be weighed in the balances and found wanting.

Therefore what is applicable becomes that which is relevant. And what is relevant is that I have no control over your happiness–only the ability to hurt you and take away your joy.

So I shall not.

“No one is better than anyone else. ”

That is applicable.

Everything else is merely conversational, aggravating bullshit.

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Anno Domini

dictionary with letter A

Anno Domini: (adv) full form of AD. Latin, literally “in the year of Our Lord.”

I had to chuckle one day when I found my car keys after a few moments of nervous speculation on their location.

I am so damn mortal. I am peppered with inconsistencies, flaws, foibles and even little festering afflictions.

Yet sometimes I feel it is my right or even mission to shake my little fist at the heavens, complaining of some minor infraction. (Even if my objection happens to be about a major issue, my fist still doesn’t grow much in comparison to the magnitude of the Universe.)

We are told that a man was born in Bethlehem nearly 2,000 years ago. Not only did his birth aggravate local magistrates and set in motion an upheaval in the Middle East, which transported his ideas into the whole world, but we have also decided to meter time from before and after his birth.

And even though agnostics and atheists rail against the life, attitudes and ministry of Jesus of Nazareth, we have no other experience or teachings that have spanned so much time and left so much influence.

  • We have Buddha and Confucius, who were predecessors, but certainly did not eclipse the influence.
  • The gods of Olympus died out pretty quickly.
  • And Mohammed was born several centuries after Jesus.

There was something proclaimed in the small 100-mile radius of Nazareth, his stomping ground, that stirred the conscience in the body human and still awakens us to the need to love one another.

Although I am not comfortable with many of the tenets of religion and theological practice, it is very difficult to doubt the impact that a carpenter-turned-preacher had on our world.

Was it his life?

Was it his death?

Or was it the fact that he simplified all the over-wrought musings of the generations of time into “loving the Lord your God and loving your neighbor as yourself?”

 

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Ajar

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

 

Ajar: (adj and adv) a door or other opening left slightly open

“Keep the door ajar.”

We all know what that means.

It’s our way of communicating that what is happening, beyond that which is inside the enclosure, is not private, segregated or secret.

It is also what we were told to do as teenagers when we were in a room with our girlfriend or boyfriend. It was a reminder that at any time, our seclusion could be interrupted by the inclusion of others.

I made a decision a long time ago to keep my life ajar. To think that any of us can get by with hiding our mistakes or foibles is a ridiculous notion. In an age of super-information available at super-speed, it is doubtful that privacy can be attained, so the only thing open to us is to select speed of revelation.

I’ve been silly about it in the past.

  • At one time I was embarrassed that I didn’t go to college, but began a family immediately due to my rising hormones, which preceded declining grades.
  • I used to be afraid to admit to others how unknown my efforts were and attempted to name-drop to procure respect, which only, in the long run, drew further attention to those mightier than me, whose names I was invoking.
  • I used to avoid questions by changing the subject or offering answers I thought were cleverly ambiguous, but actually just sounded evasive and stupid.

You can feel free to attempt to delude the public, keeping your door tightly shut, in hopes of avoiding interference from strangers. But as the Good Book says, there is nothing “whispered in the ear which is not eventually shouted from the housetops.” (By the way, a statement spoken by a fellow who didn’t even have to deal with the Internet—or the NSA.)

So I can sum up my philosophy about “keeping my life ajar” in three quick statements:

  1. If I’m ashamed of it, change it enough to where the shame is gone.
  2. If I’m the first one to bring it up, nobody can act like they “got me.”
  3. Honesty is the best way to keep people off your back, because they relax and then you can actually be more like yourself.

Keep the door ajar. Pretty good philosophy.

Keep your life ajar. Genius.

Adversary

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Adversary: (n) one’s opponent in a contest, conflict or dispute

I’m not so sure it’s about being an opponent.

Sometimes I think the conflict that exists between people is chemical–or certainly sensory. Our feuds and grudges are triggered by a dislike of some aspect of the personality or the appearance of our foe.

Once we get into that “grumpy” mindset, we start looking for reasons to disdain them, which is not that difficult to achieve, considering how all of us are stained with flaws and foibles.

So we end up with an adversary–someone who brings out our worst instead of our best.

It’s not exactly an enemy, although I’m sure the two words could be used synonymously. An enemy is someone who has proclaimed an intention to stand against us, no matter what. An adversary is a person who just doesn’t like how we do things, who we are, how we look or any of our choices, and therefore always wants to “nit-pick” whenever we’re around.

It is much more common that we would ever believe.

Matter of fact, I have come to believe that a large number of marital relationships are adversarial. Two people who share a bed often find it difficult to evenly distribute the covers. It makes them testy and overly sensitive.

So what should we do with an adversary?

  • It’s ridiculous to continue to aggravate one by flaunting our presence.
  • A suggestion is made in the Good Book that we should “reason with our adversary.” But what does that mean? Doesn’t reasoning have to begin with some reasonable respect for one another?
  • I think sometimes the greatest gift I can give to someone who finds me distasteful is to not be around so often for them to sample my flavor.
  • And when I find myself in their presence, I should be careful not to launch my personality, which they have already determined to be over the top.

Human life IS adversarial–we’re not going to escape it. But what we can do is refuse to become defensive by pursuing an offensive approach to those who have decided to cast their lot against us.

We just need to get over the notion that it is impossible for someone not to like us. It is not only possible–it is highly likely.

So maybe THAT’S what it means to reason with your adversary … just give ’em enough air to breathe that does not sniff of you.

Ablution

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Ablution: n. the act of washing oneself, often used for humorously formal effect.

I just realized that this is a society FILLED with ablution. I think if I shared that in public, I would be greeted with great bewilderment, since most people don’t know what ablution means. But we are either constantly talking about cleansing ourselves to avoid disease and exposure to death and destruction OR we are finding ourselves with our hand in the cookie jar, wanting to deny any responsibility.

I’ve been working on this.

The other day I was eating some delicious shrimp when one of them fell to the floor. I quickly picked it up off the dirty carpet and consumed it. Moments later, a green bean from my plate also fell, tumbling to the same carpet … and I picked it up and cast it into the trash can, fearing that it was dirty.

I realized that I have selective cleanliness.

Also in that same day, I discovered I had made a severe error in calculation. I found myself running a catalogue in my mind of potential causes for this mistake. I came up with a bounty of fruitful ideas to escape my personal responsibility. I realized how easy it was to temporarily grant oneself absolution without ever being guiltless.

You see, here’s the problem–the shrimp was just as dirty as the green bean, or else neither one was dirty. And telling a lie about my own foibles only temporarily delays the embarrassment when others discover them and relish the exposure.

It’s tricky business. Sometimes it doesn’t make any difference. For instance, my tainted shrimp did not kill me. But sometimes you wash your hands of a situation to make yourself free of blame …  and you end up crucifying your best chance for hope.

Ablution

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Ablution: n. the act of washing oneself, often used for humorously formal effect.

I just realized that this is a society FILLED with ablution. I think if I shared that in public, I would be greeted with great bewilderment, since most people don’t know what ablution means. But we are either constantly talking about cleansing ourselves to avoid disease and exposure to death and destruction OR we are finding ourselves with our hand in the cookie jar, wanting to deny any responsibility.

I’ve been working on this.

The other day I was eating some delicious shrimp when one of them fell to the floor. I quickly picked it up off the dirty carpet and consumed it. Moments later, a green bean from my plate also fell, tumbling to the same carpet … and I picked it up and cast it into the trash can, fearing that it was dirty.

I realized that I have selective cleanliness.

Also in that same day, I discovered I had made a severe error in calculation. I found myself running a catalogue in my mind of potential causes for this mistake. I came up with a bounty of fruitful ideas to escape my personal responsibility. I realized how easy it was to temporarily grant oneself absolution without ever being guiltless.

You see, here’s the problem–the shrimp was just as dirty as the green bean, or else neither one was dirty. And telling a lie about my own foibles only temporarily delays the embarrassment when others discover them and relish the exposure.

It’s tricky business. Sometimes it doesn’t make any difference. For instance, my tainted shrimp did not kill me. But sometimes you wash your hands of a situation to make yourself free of blame …  and you end up crucifying your best chance for hope.