Tag Archives: North Pole

Clatter

Clatter: (n) a continuous rattling sound

It’s a Christmas thing, isn’t it?

Do we ever use the word “clatter” at any other time than in the recitation of the poem, “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas?”

You know what I mean. When everybody’s gone to bed and Mom and Dad are awakened: “There arose such a clatter.”

As I look at the definition, I realize how disappointed Santa Claus must have been. The North Pole crew certainly practiced this landing thing on roofs, right? And the goal is to get in and out of the house without waking anyone.

So if the poet is correct and Santa and his reindeer raised “a clatter,” some heads must have rolled on December 26th back up there at the North Pole.

For after all, the job is simple–fly straight, land quietly, take off silently.

But if you’re gonna be landing on roofs raising a clatter, all the mystique about your process is soon going to be gone.

That’s about the only time we ever use this word, right?

If somebody walked in a room and said, “Hey! What’s all the clatter?” we’d probably reply, “Listen, Charles Dickens, leave us alone…”

Or if someone was staying at your house and came down for breakfast and spoke up and said, “I hope I didn’t keep anyone awake last night with all my clatter,” honestly, you might think he’s a serial killer.

Clatter??

So I think this word is singularly supported by a poem which proclaims an action which would never have taken place if Santa’s team had rehearsed just a little bit more.

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Bubble

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Bubble: (n) used to refer to a fortunate situation that is isolated from reality or unlikely to last.

When my parents told me there was no Santa Claus, the revelation that the rumor had been greatly exaggerated did not totally deflate my young, eleven-year-old soul.

It’s not because I thought it was alright for them to mislead me, and it wasn’t because I found the Nordic purveyor of toys to be Dictionary Bpersonally distasteful.

It’s that nothing really changed.

I was getting toys–and I continued to get toys. The fact that they weren’t coming from the North Pole was somewhat insignificant.

Even if I wanted to be huffy about the “fake news” concerning Mr. Claus, it was difficult for me to make a major case, considering the fact that I still had the presents.

But when I was told that the government of the United States was “for the people, by the people and of the people,” and as an adult I discovered there is much misrepresentation to that assertion–well, it’s a different “checks and balances.”

It will also be much more disappointing if I find out that God was a Holy-Land-Hoax.

In both cases, I can’t live in a bubble or isolate myself and pretend I don’t know.

Because with no government or God, the toys quickly disappear.

The absence of a good government opens the door to all sorts of graft, corruption and scandal.

Likewise, to be minus a deity is a guarantee that my eternal home will be grave circumstances, with my dreams turning to dust.

This is serious stuff, folks.

I can live without Santa Claus.

I cannot prosper if our government is dishonest or if the two-party system is a one-lane road to dissension.

And I certainly don’t want to spend my Earthly life revering a supernatural being who ends up merely the figment of the imagination of Bedouin nomads.

Help.

What can I do to make sure that my leaders–Republican and Democrat–honor the premise of liberty?

And who should I have been if God ends up taking the Santa Claus nose dive?

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Ascension

Ascension: (n) the ascent of Christ into heaven on the fortieth day after the Resurrection.dictionary with letter A

As a young father, I remember planning my first trip to take my two little sons, both under five years of age, to the zoo. Nothing went right.

  • I started out with a flat tire.
  • One of the kids woke up with a runny nose and a weepy eye.
  • I had set aside some money for the zoo trip but could only find half of it.
  • And suddenly, nobody wanted to go to the zoo.,

It was at this point that I decided that we were going to go to the zoo, and we were going to have a good time–or die trying.

I pushed through it.

I bring this up in relation to the fact that I must confess to each and every one of you that I do believe in God. Even though I have many friends who would prefer I didn’t or think it’s a sign of my mental or emotional weakness, I decided a long time ago to go with God, and even though my spiritual tires have flattened at times, my children have gotten sick, my prayers were not answered and I’ve ended up with about half the money I needed, I am still on the path to believing.

Some folks stop along the way. They want to believe in the idea of brotherhood, spirituality or kindness, but want to remove a heavenly Father from the masthead of the family business.

Other individuals believe more deeply about God but draw the line at miracles, Satan, heaven, hell and angels.

Some of them believe in Jesus but they don’t believe he rose from the dead, which would make it completely unnecessary for an ascension to heaven.

But here’s my problem: if I drove to the North Pole and found a factory made out of ice and inside was a red velvet suit with white piping, I might have to reconsider my rejection of Santa Claus.

Likewise, I see too much of God’s love, blessing, presence and concern for me to deny it in favor of surrendering to my doubts.

So I guess I’m in this for the long haul.

I guess I will be just as surprised if heaven is really neat as I will be if there is nothing but the grave.

So I have taught myself, in light of this fact, just to enjoy being surprised.

 

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Antarctica

dictionary with letter AAntarctica: A continent around the South Pole

Somebody just wanted seven.

I am convinced that some guy putting together the map of the world thought that seven continents looked better than six, so he peered down at the South Pole and said, “Hey! There’s a continent!”

(Obviously, he didn’t think that eight was as poetic as seven. Otherwise, why leave out the North Pole?)

It must have been a real public relations bonanza for all the penguins and polar bears, even though I cannot truthfully tell you that I am positive there are polar bears at the South Pole.

Actually, what I know about the South Pole has gone south in my intelligence level.

I know this: I have no desire to visit it.

Matter of fact, when it occasionally comes on the television set with some sort of special about it, I turn the channel because I get cold.

I don’t like to get cold.

I grew up in the Midwest in an area where we weren’t even blessed with an abundance of snow–only the dreariness of gray clouds and the damp, bitter Jack Frost nipping at your ass.

So as I have aged (beyond twelve) I yearn for a place where you can walk out the door without having to display half of your wardrobe to stay warm.

So obviously, I am not a fan of Antarctica.

I don’t even like penguins that well because I think they’re making fun of how I walk.

And I was disappointed the first time I saw a polar bear, realizing that they’re really not white. They’re kind of a sickly beige.

So hats off to those who want to explore this mysterious seventh continent, including it on their bucket list of things to do before they die.

Just realize that if you do go … everything in your bucket will be frozen.

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Alaska

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Words from Dictionary

Alaska: (n) the largest state in the U.S., located in northwestern North America, with coasts on the Arctic and North Pacific oceans, separated from the contiguous U.S. states by Canada, pop. 626,932, capital, Juneau.

How appropriate, on this Christmas Day, for the word “Alaska” to fall in my lap, since it is such a snowy, chilly locale, suitable for North Pole occupation and reindeer games.

Yes, I wonder if part of that 626,000 people located in that huge mass of popsicle might include elves and a saint who gives away toys.

I, personally, have not known a lot of people from Alaska. I did have a friend who moved there for a couple of years, because she heard that if you stayed there for 365 days, you would receive a check from the treasury, rewarding you for having the fortitude to live in the climate and maintain residency. I think she stayed for a couple of checks before she realized that having money in a warmer climate, although fewer dollars, was preferrable.

I would like to go up there sometime, but my penchant for wanting to drive everywhere would make for a long sleigh ride, and considering my size, I don’t know if I would be permitted to fly in one of those single-engine planes, land on a lake somewhere and boat my way to the gigs.

So I will just have to hope that the good folks of Alaska will realize my admiration for them and their perseverant attitude toward all things frozen, and allow me to stay warm below. I am more than willing to send a care package … something toasty, perhaps?